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I'm in pain


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Well, I broke up with my gf on Friday for reasons in this thread . I just couldn't take her selfishness any more. When I went to see her Friday night, she didn't even ask me about my job interview a few days previous. Now, a few days before the break up, I had gone over to her place to drop off her presents under the tree. She informed me when I broke up with her on Friday, that she would want me to come back to pick up the gifts that she had gotten for me. I told her I wanted her to keep the gifts that I had gotten her. Well, she emailed me a little while ago (something she never does) wanting to know when I was coming by to pick them up. I know she emailed me, because she doesn't want to talk to me. I told her that with the new job and house hunting going on, that I didn't think it would be till the first of the year. She is probably just going to swing by my parents house now to drop off the gifts. I doubt she will even open my gifts. I want to see her again, but I just can't face her now. She was cruel and mean during the break up, and my friends are standing behind me on this one. I just don't know how to deal with the pain. It wasn't a bad thing to end the relationship, but I truly loved her. What should I do?

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I'm glad to hear that you're better off now and know that it "wasn't a bad thing" to end an unfair relationship. Stick with that mindset! Of course you're going to want to see her, but the best thing for a freshly broken-up couple is to have no contact. Do not use the gifts as an excuse to see/talk to her. Forget about the gifts; if she drops them off, fine, if not, no big deal.


I understand what you're going through with a breakup during the holiday season. My first boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days before Christmas, right as I had just finished spending weeks making his homemade gift. Hang in there, you're doing great!


And Merry Christmas!

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I have been right where you are - REALLY. I can relate on several levels. Until you get frustrated and "wake up" you will go through the motions and after shock of a break up...

Read (below) my mom sent me this a week before we broke up. She didn't know that it was coming down the pike, but mothers intuitions can be scary.

I will send you something else in a private e-mail - it wil be long but helpful.

I hope that this helps...




By T. D. Jakes


There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this!

When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,

loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,

staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.


When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.


The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be

made manifest that they were not for

us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have

continued with us. [1 John 2:19]


People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not

joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means

that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know

when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep

trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.

I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe

in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful,

and I know whatever God

means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too

much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!


If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you

and was never intended for your life, then you need to......


If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......


If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....


If someone has angered you .


If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......


If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......


If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents


If you! u have a bad attitude.......




"If the one that loves you, loves you more than you love yourself...

then learn to love them as much as they love you. And then you will love yourself."


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Thanks for the reassurences thus far. After reading through everything, plus talking about it with friends and loved ones, I feel a hundred times better. The important thing is to just let go. A new day is about to come for me, and I'm going to be ready with open arms. Thanks everyone.

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Thanks for the reassurences thus far. After reading through everything, plus talking about it with friends and loved ones, I feel a hundred times better. The important thing is to just let go. A new day is about to come for me, and I'm going to be ready with open arms. Thanks everyone.


u r welcome. and keep ya head up

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There you go Bubbs! I know it's cliche but really, we've all been through that (mine was in 2006 - ugh!). But listen, at the end of the day, look around you and realize that you didn't lose anything (except for the presents - kidding!). You still have your friends, a potentially new job, new house, but most importantly you kept your good soul, and the strong hope that you will get through this. Time will be your companion during this time of healing.

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You were reading my other thread. You did the RIGHT thing.


GOOD FOR YOU for breaking it off with this girl. It sounds like she was just stringing you along. She was willing to see you at her convenience. You don't need that kind of nonsense 9 months into the relationship.


I'm not surprised that she was nasty during the breakup. People like that are EXTREMELY selfish. She only cared about having someone there when she beckons. The fact that she acted like that does not surprise me and it should not surprise you. Look how she treated you when you were with her. The girl made you miserable. I am just glad you are away from her.


I know that it hurts. It sounds like she was emotionally abusive to you. It's amazing to me how we can get attached to people who hurt us so much. I went through the same thing when I dumped my ex. That girl that I wrote about in the thread you referenced - I was even hurt when I dumped her.


Well, guess what? Just ONE WEEK after I dumped her, I felt fine. I hardly think about her. I'm already talking to a few girls. I'm watching for the red flags. I've gone on some dates. I will choose to date a girl who's right for me once I get to know her and feel that she's deserving of my time and attention. I'm just not going to let anyone have me.


You do the same, and don't be a doormat for anyone ever again. I'm not trying to be hard on you, but you should have let this one go during the first month. Maybe she was acting ok then. I'm not sure. You should only take so much from a person. Once it becomes a heartache, you don't need that. You don't need anyone who's going to bring you down.

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