About to establish NC. Need moral support.

[Rejazz]

My boyfriend and I are both 21 and have been in an on/off relationship for a year and a half. We've broken up and gotten back together approximately 7 times. More specifically, he's broken up with ME 7 times and I've taken him back 7 times. Ridiculous, I know.

 

Right now we're off, but still in contact/sleeping together (as we always are when we're off). About 15 minutes ago I contacted him to address him about a rumor I had heard about him being with another woman since we last parted, which was two weeks ago. His response was "The funny thing is, I don't care what you hear about me because I don't have to justify myself to you anymore." I was silent for about a minute and then told him to call me back in two hours and hung up.

 

I needed these two hours to gain the confidence and reassurance that I NEED TO END THIS FOR GOOD. I'm crying hysterically and I need someone to tell me that I am about to make the right decision. I know I am, but I need to hear it from other people. I'm sure it will be a huge shock for him because he's not used to me standing up for myself, but I can't take this anymore. What sucks is that I'm in love with him and I know there's a good chance of us getting back together, and the dumb part of me wants me to hold out for him to come back. At the same time, I know I need to end this vicious cycle. I deserve to be happy and with someone who will be with me ALL the time, not just when it's convenient for them. I have cried too many times over this boy. And I can't be with him because he is just that -- a selfish 21-year-old boy.

 

Words of encouragement, please? He'll be calling me in about a couple hours and I don't want to talk myself out of the decision I've finally decided I need to make...

[foreverlost]

oh my god... sounds just like my ex, the whole justifying part. seriously... just kick him outof your life... i know it sounds hard, i am 21 as well and was with my ex for nearly 2 years... we kept on breaking up, and until 2 weeks ago we were sleeping together... it's better to do it sooner than later... please be stronger than me and cut all contact!!

[sandyv]

Rejazz, NO. ..... NO ... and again NO...

 

Don't let him talk you down, your right, your damned right you deserve more.... your sitch sounds way too familiar to me... although I'm older, I've been there, for your sake don't accept his crap.... just don't!

 

I've been going through a similar sitch except its been almost 2 years, I've finally realized I can't keep kicking myself in the ass like I have been.... don't you do that to yourself either, you are worth so much more...

 

Be strong, tell him to "hit the bricks".... you know you don't need this kinda crap in your life...

 

xxx

 

Sandy

[greensleeves]

I wouldn't even bother to pick up the phone when he does call. You said you broke up two weeks ago, so what is left to say to him? He sounds cold and callous and he is used to you coming back everytime you break up. Don't repeat the same mistakes this time. It hasn't worked for you in the past....time to try something different and move on. He isn't worth it. Let him be the one to sit there wondering what's happening.

[Rejazz]

He just texted me and said he wouldn't be alone to talk for another three hours because he's helping move his grandmother's stuff out of her house. I'm worried that these three and a half hours will give me enough time to change my mind and frighten myself about the thought of losing him ... so I'm planning on just sitting on this forum until he calls me so I don't convince myself that I need him in my life.

 

So if anyone here wants to chat (including the two ladies above me), PM me; I'd love to hear your stories ... I'm pretty new here ...

[wiser]

If you even give him so much as the time of day after that comment about "not having to justify himself to you" then you have just given up any remaining self respect. And giving him the green light to crap all over you.

 

I am not saying to "break up" for good. But let him realize that he messed up. Go no contact and stay that way. For no less than at least a month, possibly more depending on how you feel.

 

Your relationship with him is obviously rocky, and your past "breakups" were not even that. You need to truly be apart from this guy, and he just gave you a really good reason.

[blender]

He won't be "shocked' he'll just be indifferent, and that is the most important reason for you to go "no contact" without explaing it to him.. just do it for you.

 

For today there is no healthy self respecting reason for you to even speak to him.. so just take time to let go and do NOT answer his call, that is IF he calls..

 

in your situation you do not have to announce "no contact" to him, instead it might be better for you to make a deal with yourself.. after the last conversation you had where he said: "I don't have to justify myself to you anymore" ..well that's a two way street,

 

so do NOT feel as if you have to tell him you're going "no contact" just gather up all your self respect and start NO CONTACT right now for yourself, a deal you make for your own heart, and you do NOT answer his calls, you do not respond, you do not contact him, you start to heal, grow, and learn from this..

 

Here's what you write down in big letters, tape it up where you can see it, put a few near your phone, put a post it on your cel.. this is the deal you are making with yourself:

 

"I am no longer intetested in giving my enery, atttention, time, heart, mind and body to ANY man who is not making an intentional clear effort to cherish ME in his life in a respecting, loyal, loving way..and that means NO CONTACT with him, I do this proudly for myself".

 

Okay, make this self respecting attractive healing deal with yourself... because you might think "announcing your no contact" to him will provoke some emotion in him..well it's not going to work the way you may expect, so do not give him the honor of the information, he'll figure it out when you STOP talking to him... trust that for right now there is no healthy healing reason for you to talk to him about anything..it's time to start talking to yourself in a positive way, and leave this ex behind you..waaay behind you... the best is ahead of you, trust this, and move forward.

 

You're not going to "lose him" he is going to lose YOU now.. starting right now.. you don't "have him" anyway.. he doesn't even have a sense of himself.. any guy who would sleep with you and then meanly say "hey I don't owe you any explainations".. yuk.. ask yourself "what is it you think you "have" with him?"... it's not good enough for your precious heart.. so walk away.. right now, no contact. one day at a time to a stronger, more self loving YOU.

[greensleeves]

I'm with wiser on this one...go into nc as of this second! What he said to you is unkind and cruel. If you speak to him tonight he is probably going to hurt you even more. What will it accomplish? Why put yourself through that? You already know what you need to do...that's why you're here. Resolve right now to do what's best for you. It sounds like a very shaky relationship and you deserve much better than that. Envision what kind of a future you would have with this person....not good at all. I don't think that's what you want for yourself.

[Pinkbunny]

I wouldn't even bother to pick up the phone when he does call. You said you broke up two weeks ago, so what is left to say to him? He sounds cold and callous and he is used to you coming back everytime you break up. Don't repeat the same mistakes this time. It hasn't worked for you in the past....time to try something different and move on. He isn't worth it. Let him be the one to sit there wondering what's happening.

 

I completely AGREE with this!!!!!!