Hard time reaching climax during sex (I'm a guy)

[Poe]

Has any other guys experienced with this, or women whose bfs had this problem? I'm attracted to her, the sex is pretty good, but it's near to impossible for me to hit that point. Is there anything I can do?

[someguy88]

yea I have this problem sometimes due to some medication I'm on. If it's really that bad go to your doctor and I'm sure he can prescribe a drug that will help you out. The only other advice I can offer is to get her to finish you with a really fast paced BJ.

[kevinm]

A lot of times it's in your head... performance anxiety. Just get into the moment, FEEL the sex and the love, focus on your partner, and keep your mind from wandering while in the bedroom.

 

-Kevin

[soul_soother]

Sometimes when I would be having sex I would think of things to distract myself so I could last longer... But times when I wanted to finish I would think of all the hot things and just tell myself I'm gonna finish soon and it'd work... If your using a condom it takes longer

[StretchGee]

Are you using condoms? Are you on any meds? How long have you been dating and having sex?

 

A lot of variables can play into your problem.

[wiser]

Stop jerking off in between sessions with your girl. If protection against STD is not a factor and other forms of contraception than a condom are available, consider switching. Use one of those egg vibrators on yourself during sex. Watch porn. Fantasize about the woman you saw bending over in the supermarket or the next door neighbor lady that you used to have a crush on.

[kevinm]

Yes and no Wiser... while I agree with not jerking off inbetween sessions and the contraception choices, I don't think it's a good idea to fantasize about someone else. Doing so discounts the value of the person you are having sex with. Masterbation is for fantasy, sex with a partner should be about you and that partner.

 

-Kevin

[wiser]

I fantasize all the time during sex. Did it with my wife most of the 18 years we were together, and with all 3 of the GFs I have had during the past year.

 

Needless to say I disagree with your comments about fantasizing "discounting the value of the person...."

[StretchGee]

Re: condoms. I have a problem with the nonoxynol-9 (noni-nine) that became the rage during the onset of AIDS (it apparently kills the AIDS virus). It makes me numb. I'm not sure if it is still in use (been a long time since I had to resort to condoms

[Poe]

Are you using condoms? Are you on any meds? How long have you been dating and having sex?

 

A lot of variables can play into your problem.

 

Same either way, any thick condoms have NEVER worked with me. Thinner brands (durex) seem to work on rare occasions. No, I am not on any meds. We've been dating/having sex for nearly a month now?

[Poe]

Stop jerking off in between sessions with your girl. If protection against STD is not a factor and other forms of contraception than a condom are available, consider switching. Use one of those egg vibrators on yourself during sex. Watch porn. Fantasize about the woman you saw bending over in the supermarket or the next door neighbor lady that you used to have a crush on.

 

 

What are egg vibrators? And how will jerking off affect my sex life? Because it's only recently that I started dating again and having an active sex life (I took a few years off from dating to try to figure out some emotional priorities)... and I suppose that was the only option for the most part?

[wiser]

What are egg vibrators? And how will jerking off affect my sex life?

 

An "egg vibrator" is a vibrator shaped like an egg. Makes it really easy to put against your ass or your balls. If you do that during intercourse it should really heighten the experience. Best case scenario, the first few times you use it it will feel like the first time you came (remember the intensity of that one?).

 

Here's an example of an link removed

 

If you dont masturbate as often, it should make you more excitable and increase your sensitivity to sexual stimulation. It's like anything else, the more you do it, the less intense it is.

[kevinm]

I fantasize all the time during sex. Did it with my wife most of the 18 years we were together, and with all 3 of the GFs I have had during the past year.

 

Needless to say I disagree with your comments about fantasizing "discounting the value of the person...."

 

Well, that's too bad... because when you're completely in love with your partner and share strong physical attraction for each other the sex is sooooooooo much better.

 

I know what you're getting at, I used to fantasize too. But wanting to take my love making to the next level I began to focus solely on my partner. If you have to fantasize to get off there is an underlying problem. Your partners could be thinking of someone else while you guys are having sex... How does that make you feel? Wouldn't it be better if you knew you were the only one she was thinking about?

 

Of course it always helps when your partner is 5'7" and 120lbs with a perfect body, blue eyes and dirty blond hair too

 

-Kevin

[servedcold]

This happens to all of us from time to time. Personally, I find that there are certain triggers, ways of holding her, moving, that I can rely on to help me come when the time is right. You just have to figure out what they are for any specific woman. Remember what made you get there in the past and repeat it while visualizing the release and ejaculation. The positive reinforcement will kick in so that you should be able to recall when you repeat the routine. Then it becomes easier over time. It's all about reinforcement and repeating for me when it doesn't happen naturally.

[duchesstigerlily]

Just thought I would comment from a woman's point of view...my husband sometimes has a hard time getting a good ending during intercourse...it happens for a variety of reasons such as stress, being over-tired etc. etc. In those situations I usually just use my hand to finish the job after I've had my "moment" so to speak and then we're both happy. I don't take it personally because I know it isn't about "me"...just as he knows it isn't about him if I'm having a hard to reaching my peak. It happens to all of us every now and then and usually isn't something to worry about it.

 

As far as fantasizing about other women goes (which was suggested by someone else)...I'm sure everyone does it from time to time but I believe its better to try and keep your mind on your partner (you know the person you are *actually* having sex with) rather then conjuring up images of someone else...it sort of defeats the purpose of having sex with your partner entirely

[wiser]

my husband sometimes has a hard time getting a good ending during intercourse...it happens for a variety of reasons such as stress, being over-tired etc. etc. In those situations I usually just use my hand to finish the job after I've had my "moment" so to speak and then we're both happy.

 

That's actually a nice way to finish even if there is no problems. Nothing like laying back after a good ride and letting your woman finish you off. In fact, just thinking about this I am looking forward to later.

[bettyboo]

I wish I could be more like you!! My partner is currently working long hours and under quite a bit of stress (ive posted about it before), and we are intimate now probably about once a week...and even during that one time he barely is able to come.

I can't help but feel he is not attracted to me. Like you, I will finish the job off, but sometimes when i offer he doesnt even want that ???

[greenmonster]

Well, that's too bad... because when you're completely in love with your partner and share strong physical attraction for each other the sex is sooooooooo much better.

 

I know what you're getting at, I used to fantasize too. But wanting to take my love making to the next level I began to focus solely on my partner. If you have to fantasize to get off there is an underlying problem. Your partners could be thinking of someone else while you guys are having sex... How does that make you feel? Wouldn't it be better if you knew you were the only one she was thinking about?

 

Of course it always helps when your partner is 5'7" and 120lbs with a perfect body, blue eyes and dirty blond hair too

 

-Kevin

 

I regularly have sex with one of the hottest girls I've ever known...and I still fantasize.

 

it isn't like I'm bending her over and taping a picture of someone else to the back of her head...

 

immages and random thoughts just flash though my head...everything from my ex's, to my 7th grade english teacher Mrs. Emmerson...that we lived next door to and the bathing suits she would lay out in durring the summer...damn...thats an immage that I pray to god I never forget.

 

anyways....

 

mental immagry isn't cheating or even devaluing someone...it just happens for most people...its just physically induced mental recall response.

[wiser]

mental immagry isn't cheating or even devaluing someone...it just happens for most people...its just physically induced mental recall response.

 

Well said. I tried to give you another reputation point vote but it wouldnt let me.

[kevinm]

I regularly have sex with one of the hottest girls I've ever known...and I still fantasize.

 

it isn't like I'm bending her over and taping a picture of someone else to the back of her head...

 

immages and random thoughts just flash though my head...everything from my ex's, to my 7th grade english teacher Mrs. Emmerson...that we lived next door to and the bathing suits she would lay out in durring the summer...damn...thats an immage that I pray to god I never forget.

 

anyways....

 

mental immagry isn't cheating or even devaluing someone...it just happens for most people...its just physically induced mental recall response.

 

I'm cracking up about the taping a picture thing...

 

In any case, yes I do understand what everyone is getting at, I'm only suggesting what has worked for me to intensify the love making experience. I should clarify that it's not only fantasizing about someone else, it's about distraction. Shutting off work, kids, the guy who cut you off on Rt24 or whatever it is you are thinking about that is not your partner. It's kind of like sexual meditation. Freeing your mind from all other things allows you to focus on your partner, and you will both have better sex.

 

But, at the end of the day if it works for you it works for you...

 

-Kevin

[h0rnyr0b0t]

funny how this is. some guys cum too fast, some cant cum. what's with this world haha.

[StretchGee]

funny how this is. some guys cum too fast, some cant cum. what's with this world haha.

 

And some cum just right, baby bear.

[greenmonster]

I sometimes worry that I have a problem because I fantasize a lot about other people during sex, and I almost never think about my boyfriend when I'm jerking off on my own... is that cause for concern?

 

nah...

 

mental immagry and fantasy about other people is 100% normal. its the little bit of ADD in us all that causes our brain to fire around to every sexual thought imaginable durring sex. considering that the brain processes things at speeds that we cannot even comprehend, we actually think of thousands of different things per second while having sex.

 

even if you concentrate and focus only on your partner, your brain still cycles through everything it can in the sexual centers of your brain while in the act itself...feeding off that subconscious immagry and stimulation.

[StretchGee]

even if you concentrate and focus only on your partner, your brain still cycles through everything it can in the sexual centers of your brain while in the act itself...feeding off that subconscious immagry and stimulation.

 

I disagree. While it is probably OK to fantasize at times during sex, if done repeatedly it creates a habit of not being there. It is similar to living in a fantasy day-to-day where you live in your future or past rather than in the present movement.

 

Now, I think it is not a bad thing to enhance sex by including your partner in your fantasy. If you can dress your partner up in your mind as a French maid or whatever, one can still include them in the act and still remain in the present.

 

Once your fantasy drifts into another place or another time, you are no longer in the moment and your life becomes a façade. While satisfying, it is not nearly as full. This is true for sex and true for life. The richness and intensity of the present moment cannot be fully and completely reproduced even with them most vivid of imagination. While the fantasy appears to be a super-reality, the fullness and life are sucked from the experience.

 

Too much fantasy during sex is just jerking off with another person’s body. Certainly not terrible, and sometimes even necessary, but not the full experience real sex can bring.

 

Try 'em both. The proof is left to the student...

[greenmonster]

StretchGee...

 

I'm not saying that you should constantly fantasize about other things while having sex...I'm saying that its a 100% natural reaction done by brain to have random immagry or thoughts come through your mind while in the act of.

 

There are studies that have shown the number of neural network synapse fireings durring sex increases by over 1000%...your brain is your largest sex organ...and even though you stay focused and driven on exactly what it is you are doing, your brain will still drift and feed off of things in your subconscious to enhance things. even if you don't see it, its hapening.

 

I agree that if you do nothing but fantasize all the time then you're missing out and ruining the experience...but even when we don't specifically close our eyes and drift into fantasy, our brain still goes to those places without us.