Need some advice

[Lunaetick]

Hey all,

 

I'm a college student, and I was hoping to gain some insight here.

 

Several months ago I finally ended a long and rather painful relationship. We had sex frequently, but my ex neglected my emotional needs and just seemed completely obsessed with sex. I don't really know why I stayed with him for so long, but I did. Anyway, a lot of the time he seemed to control all of the sexual aspects of our relationship; he would pressure me into doing things that I wasn't comfortable doing, and if I didn't comply he'd get upset and make it into a long and drawn-out issue. It got to the point where I'd have sex with him just to make him happy, so he didn't cause problems and so he wouldn't leave me. I never really told him no, I was usually just quiet about it and let it happen, but I was never really enthusiastic either. One time, at a point where everything was going fine in the relationship and before this became an issue, he almost broke up with me because I wasn't having orgasms with him (and I had never had one before in my life prior to then). Another time he wrote a really graphic sex story about the two of us and I told him that I didn't like it, but instead of talking about it with me or expressing concern he posted it on a pornographic website and then bragged to me about how many people read it. It was such a long relationship and it's hard to come up with and list all of the specific examples of things, but usually I seemed really unenthusiastic about sex but complied anyway to avoid him leaving me, and he pushed me into doing things most of the time.

 

So my question is, does this count as date rape? I wasn't sure because I let him do this and I never actually said no to him, but this was because I was emotionally insecure and didn't want him to leave. I know the relationship was disfunctional and that he was a jerk, and I don't want to press charges if it is, but for my own benefit I'd like to know because it's been bothering me and has made me unhappy.

 

Thanks for reading this and for your comments.

[Nity]

In my opinion, no. This sounds like a bad and unhealthy relationship. It doesn't sound like any kind of rape occurred. I'm glad that you're out of the relationship now

[Mar]

I agree that it's not considered date rape, just an unfortunate relationship. You let him do all the things he did, you were going out with him, I'm GUESSING you're of age....but the bottom line is that you let him pressure you into these things instead of being a bit stronger and saying 'no." If you had and he'd STILL persisted, to the point of overpowering you physically and restraining you while he had sex with you, THAT would be rape. (Many people will argue that, if a woman says "no" and the man persists, this is still rape, but since none of us are in the bedroom with those people, one really can't be sure.)

 

But in your case, you should have just broken it off with him long ago and realized that his sexual appetites aren't what yours are, and that you'd both be better off with someone else more suited to you!

 

Mar