We don't anymore say I LOVE YOUs but still together.. feels so unhappy about it

[Megan]

Hello, been reading issues on here for quite awhile so I thought sharing mine and hopefully get some advices. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, the relationship has been a rollercoaster ride so to speak but we just can't let each other go. I don't want to lose him but lately I'm not anymore happy with the way things are within the relationship. Last month, he broke up with me but he tried winning me back after a couple hours. He reasoned out that he has fallen out of love because of my jealousy and mood swings, and eventually lost alot of trust in me because of the comments I approved from my guy friends on myspace whenever I did get jealous.

 

The other day I asked him why is he going on with our relationship when he has said he doesn't feel love for me anymore. He said we didn't have love at the beginning of our relationship anyway, which means he is willing for that love to develop the second time around. I was hurt and still hurting that my boyfriend has told me he doesn't love me anymore. I am not anymore happy that we don't anymore exchange I love you's. BUT I just can't imagine losing him, on the other hand though I feel it's unfair that I'm on a standby when I would be feeling loved again.

 

Please give me advice. Thank you.

[Censored]

Well, you sound as though you are more afraid of being alone than not being

"in love".

It is time to bite the emotional bullet and stand on your own two feet.

Make the break, and discover who you as an individual are.

[kevinm]

Love changes. And while you may say "I love you" to someone and mean that and feel that, the love you feel after one year verses 6 or 10 will change. Generally speaking in the relationships that last the foundation for love is deep.

 

Regardless, sounds like your bf is not on the same page as you. I'd suggest cutting him loose. There is no reason to be unhappy, and it's not like you've got 10 good years and right now you guys are just going through a rough spot. Follow me?

 

-Kevin

[rocio]

I don't think it's supposed to be that hard after just the first year.

[kevinm]

I don't think it's supposed to be that hard after just the first year.

 

I generally agree... you guys should at least be on the same page, wanting the same things, have common values, etc. There will always be misunderstandings in any relationship, sometimes moreso in the beginning as you both are learning about each other. But it also sounds like perhaps you have reached an impass. Maybe go back to more casual dating, or simply move on.

 

-Kevin

[krystal189]

Wow...this sort of sound like me and my boyfriend. Today he told me that he doesnt want to say I love you anymore. But at the same time I still know that he loves me and sometimes he just gets mad and doesnt want to say it. So all I have to say is STAY STRONG and even tho he is not telling you...TELL HIM EVERYDAY THAT YOU LOVE HIM!!!

 

-kRYSTAL

[Megan]

Thank you for the advices, do you guys think he still loves me although he says he doesn't feel love for me anymore? This is making me extremely unhappy but I don't think he is willing to do anything about this at this point.

[rocio]

You're not entitled to love from your boyfriend. In your original post, you almost seem to play the victim when you say, " I feel it's unfair that I'm on a standby when I would be feeling loved again." as if you're a passive participant in the process. You need to make him feel trusted (ie: less jealousy) and secure (ie: less mood swings). You need to make him feel good about himself. I don't know if he still loves you or not, but I do think you can make him fall back in love with you - if that's really what you want.

[ghost69]

you can love someone as a person and not be in love with them. happens all the time.