Bring home a Catholic boy

[cichlid]

If anyone has been watching my posts, you will see that I have been hanging out with a new guy. We aren't together but I'm pretty sure that we might be in the next few months if everything places out nicely. We mesh really well and he is a nice guy (not perfect...but who is?). It's pretty much apparent now that he does like me and doesn't appear to be playing with me.

 

I know I broke up with my ex only a few weeks ago, but this really isn't a rebound since I had been planning it since summer and had mentally prepared myself for the split.

 

My mom is faintly aware of this guy. She knows I hung out with him the week after the break up. She hates the guy and has never even met him! She's always telling me to go out and find a nice Catholic guy. Well, I've seen my options and these people that call themselves Catholic in my town are just that in name alone. Why would I date someone who cheats and has no respect for anyone? My options for nice guys at my church are not there.

 

I can understand her wish, but it's not her life. She sits there telling me all the bad cases of a Catholic dating a non-Catholic. It's pathetic...always the negative. I know of plenty of couples, but she always pulls up the worst case scenario.

 

It scares her that I want to find a nice guy with Christian beliefs and I don't sit there are say Catholic only. My thing is, I'd rather date a good person that shares some of the same beliefs that I do, than a Catholic who is just that in name alone.

 

How am I supposed to handle this? I like a guy...he likes me...and my mom doesn't even want to get to know him because he must be a bad person because he's not Catholic (or anything for that matter...but he does believe in God).

 

Just another reason why I should move out. What do I do? I'm tired of this. She thinks I won't find happiness unless I date only Catholic. For once, ONCE, I am throwing everything aside and dating whoever I mesh with well.

 

Help!

[Entropy Smith]

Her caring just comes out wrong...some parents are like this...just have to live your life as best you can...if she doesn't support it...her loss...

[Censored]

Hrmmm, parents and religion.

 

She only wants the best for you. A different generation, a different world.

 

I don't think you'll find happiness with a catholic.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I'm a Catholic and my parents would love for me to bring one home. lol. I'm dating a Muslim and we have more in common spiritually than any Catholic I've ever dated.

[Hope75]

I am not Catholic and I am marrying a Catholic. What is your parents beef with dating a non-catholic?

 

Is it that they want their 'grandchildren' to be raised catholic?

 

Have you asked them exactly what the problem is?

[Night Pumpkin]

I can relate to how you feel on this one. I am Christian and am supposed to only date and marry a Christian girl. The problem is that all the Christian girls I have met so far tend to be selfish, immature, and living double lives. On the other hand, I have met tons of non Christian girls who are caring, mature, family orientated, fun, and with whom I could see myself sharing a wonderful relationship. So here I am still stuck single at 24.....

 

I have seen several relationships and marriages between Christians or Catholics and people who do not share thier faith work very well. Couples are more likely to fight over money or sex than they are about religion.

 

I think the most important thing is to not to become too committed too quickly. Take the time to really get to know this guy. For me, I would never date a girl unless I had known her as a close friend for at least 6 months. Take the time to get to know this person and how they react in good times and bad, so you can make a clearer decision about whether he is right for you.

[cichlid]

I think the most important thing is to not to become too committed too quickly. Take the time to really get to know this guy. For me, I would never date a girl unless I had known her as a close friend for at least 6 months. Take the time to get to know this person and how they react in good times and bad, so you can make a clearer decision about whether he is right for you.

Oh, we've been friends since the beginning of the year. This past semester we were lab partners for a 4 hour lab every Saturday morning, and then we worked on a video project together on top of that. Always been a happy-go-lucky guy who has shown more maturity than most guys I've met. Then again, he is a couple of years older than me.

[cichlid]

I am not Catholic and I am marrying a Catholic. What is your parents beef with dating a non-catholic?

 

Is it that they want their 'grandchildren' to be raised catholic?

 

Have you asked them exactly what the problem is?

I wish I knew what MY MOM'S problem is. He's not a bad guy. He is somewhat afraid of coming by my house because he knows there is tension with my mom. He's so worried of what she thinks of him.

 

They're whole thing is "it makes life easier." What? They still are hoping I go running back to my ex because he was a picture perfect Catholic. Doesn't matter that I wasn't attracted to him and his personality drove me insane. He also wasn't feeling the relationship working anymore.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I wish I knew what MY MOM'S problem is. He's not a bad guy. He is somewhat afraid of coming by my house because he knows there is tension with my mom. He's so worried of what she thinks of him.

 

They're whole thing is "it makes life easier." What? They still are hoping I go running back to my ex because he was a picture perfect Catholic. Doesn't matter that I wasn't attracted to him and his personality drove me insane. He also wasn't feeling the relationship working anymore.

 

Having shared spirituality and shared religious beliefs does indeed make life easier with your partner. However, it is not the end-all and be-all. It depends on how important religion is TO YOU. If it's not that important, then it won't be that important.

 

Personally, I think it's important to have shared spirituality and similar beliefs, OR it's important to be able to let each other have their own religion/beliefs, but agree on how to raise kids and how to operate a marriage, if marriage is what you want.

[Night Pumpkin]

Just be thankful you have found someone. I can't believe i am 24 and still no girlfriend. I could have had a girlfriend years ago if I had gone for a non Christian girl. I will probably be alone again this Valentine's day. HOW sad !!!

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Just be thankful you have found someone. I can't believe i am 24 and still no girlfriend. I could have had a girlfriend years ago if I had gone for a non Christian girl. I will probably be alone again this Valentine's day. HOW sad !!!

 

You don't have to be alone on V day. Take life by the horns! Having to be good friends with someone for six months before you'll date them sounds awfully good in theory, but doesn't work too well if there's a dearth of said friends available for dating. You might want to consider taking a chance. It's just a thought.

[Night Pumpkin]

You know sometimes I wonder that.

 

In some cultures you marry someone first, and THEN fall in love with them. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go to one of those places, get married, and THEN fall in love with someone...maybe thatz a chance I don't want to take.........

[Chriz]

I am a Christian myself, although I admit I am not really seen as a dedicated church-goer. In my particular church, I have have also found there are basically not many options with girls. I'm also 24, but the main issue is there aren't really in girls in my age group. I find it sort of awkward to ask out a Christian girl, especially if she is really dedicated.

[cichlid]

I am a Christian myself, although I admit I am not really seen as a dedicated church-goer. In my particular church, I have have also found there are basically not many options with girls. I'm also 24, but the main issue is there aren't really in girls in my age group. I find it sort of awkward to ask out a Christian girl, especially if she is really dedicated.

 

I'm a dedicated Christian to most outsiders, but most people see me as a very tolerant person when it comes to other faiths. I used to not be so tolerant, but then I grew up some.

 

Having shared spirituality and shared religious beliefs does indeed make life easier with your partner. However, it is not the end-all and be-all. It depends on how important religion is TO YOU. If it's not that important, then it won't be that important.

 

Personally, I think it's important to have shared spirituality and similar beliefs, OR it's important to be able to let each other have their own religion/beliefs, but agree on how to raise kids and how to operate a marriage, if marriage is what you want.

 

Religion is important to me but I have my doubts. I go to church, I try to be a good person and that's about it for me. I'm not a super involved person. I find it funny that he has no religion (was raised in a Christian denomination similar to the Catholic church) but is 100% confident that God is there. He's has encouraged me to start praying more which is something I neglect a lot. He doesn't have a holier-than-thou personality when he says it and it's great!

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I'm a dedicated Christian to most outsiders, but most people see me as a very tolerant person when it comes to other faiths. I used to not be so tolerant, but then I grew up some.

 

Religion is important to me but I have my doubts. I go to church, I try to be a good person and that's about it for me. I'm not a super involved person. I find it funny that he has no religion (was raised in a Christian denomination similar to the Catholic church) but is 100% confident that God is there. He's has encouraged me to start praying more which is something I neglect a lot. He doesn't have a holier-than-thou personality when he says it and it's great!

 

I think you have to ask yourself -- is the religion itself important to you, or is a connection with God important to you? Religion is a framework of shared beliefs and rituals to express those beliefs...so basically it is an expression, a way to express what you believe. Having a connection with God doesn't require religion, it requires spending time with God, building a relationship, like you would with any person in your life.

 

I don't think that God asks us to be any particular religion, but He does want a relationship with us, and that can take any form we choose, so long as we have one. That's my own personal belief.

 

You and your boyfriend might have very similar beliefs when it comes to God and how to express those beliefs. It's ok to not identify with any particular religion.

[annie24]

like you said cichlid, some people are catholic (or whatever religion) in name only, or they go to church, but don't practice the teachings. Some people think atheists are immoral, because they don't believe in god, but i think someone who follows a moral code is better off than someone who goes to chuch, but then does hypocritical things (lie, cheat, steal, etc....)

 

anyways, i don't think marrying a catholic is your only way to happiness. and besides, who said you are even marrying this guy, you aren't even officially dating, just getting to know one another. i agree you aren't going too fast, you've been breaking off from your bf for half a year now.

 

I think you should move out, and keep your personal life more personal. if he winds up being a serious boyfriend, you can introduce him to your mom at that time. if he is wonderful and sweet to you, i would hope she would see that and get to love him with time. you're better off with a sweet non-catholic than a catholic who cheats on you and abuses you, or even one who is nice but doesn't make you happy (like your ex).

 

don't worry about your mom, just do what you think is right. i don't think his religion is any of her business at this point anyways.

[cichlid]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I needed it.

[Siriana]

Yeah, I was on a birthday today (kids birthday) and there was this guy (he is a good person) who is very involved in church - he plays organs in church and was supposed to become a priest but fell in love and got married...and let me tell you he drank a bottle of wine (lol, so much about "be moderate in food and drinking").

So if someone tells he's a Christian that tells you nothing about the quality of the person or how dedicated he is to his religion.

Hm, looks like it's time to move out.

When it comes to this new guy...you'll know more when you two start a relationship and some time passes by.

Think about future problems in the future.

For not concentrate on getting to know him.

If things sit on their place in this relationship than you'll think about your mom's opinion (or well...you'll care less)

[cichlid]

I just want to get to know him more and let issues be fixed as they come. I'm not planning anything serious with this guy. The key word is PLAN...I mean if something happens, great...if not, I didn't care to begin with.

 

Though, this guy did scare me a bit the other day. He wasn't drunk but he was drinking a little.

 

He was like, "Awwww...we make such a cute couple."

 

And then I responded with, "Uhhhh...no."

 

He didn't seem to react too much from that. We had been seeing what grades we got for the semester (we are in classes together). We both got A's in everything and that's when he said we made a cute couple. We aren't a couple yet.