Maybe I'm stupid...

[AngryHeart]

I'm sure I am. But I'm thinking about texting my ex. It's only been 4 days of NC on my part. But the other day he text me saying "you can text me as much as you like if it makes you feel better, I just might not always answer right away!" I have no idea why he sent me that and what he means by it I asked a few people and they said it may be his way of trying to talk to me without properly asking. He is pretty stubborn and proud, but I dunno. Anyway, I haven't replied to that..didn't know what to say. But I'm thinking about trying to get him back by just acting like I don't care. I read a thread "the perfect plan II" and I was thinking it may be effective for me. If I do text him, what should I say? Just ask how he is? Send a joke?

[pryda]

Depends what you want, if you want him back I'd say don't do it, stick with NC.

Seriously, if he wants to talk he'll come to you. Texting him will achieve nothing really.

 

My girlfriend said to me when we broke up, "you can still text me if you like, I'm not gonna ignore you" which is similar to what he has said to you, and she texted me 3 days later saying "hope you're OK, let me know if you want to talk."

 

I really don't think it was an implication that she wanted to negotiate, she was just saying it because she felt guilty about hurting me and wanted to offer some emotional support so she could feel like she was helping me somewhat. But of course, the last person you want sympathy from after a break-up is the person who broke up with you, so for that reason I denied the support.

 

I think your situation here could be similar so I'd suggest just standing firm. He may be "stubborn and proud" but he will only become even more proud if you submit to him.

[LilBear]

It's ok. I haven't been texting my ex for awhile. Just one word answers to his questions and mostly I've been ignoring his texts. He's stubborn and proud too. Be strong girl ! Don't fall into that trap !

 

Text if he texts you first. When you text back just be simply brief and pleasant, if there is a need to respond.

 

My ex finally cracked today. He called just now and said he has to talk to me. He said he's sorry for hurting me. And that he wants to be friends, can I please not ignore him.

 

I told him 3 years is a long time. I have to think about being just friends. And also, self-pity won't work with me, it's either her or me.

 

He replied "My heart has been hurt. I don't want to start anything rash"

 

So I said "I'm sorry. If in two months you want to get back together you know where to find me" - this is the ultimatum.

 

So now I wait and go out and live my life.

 

Hope that helps

[bustertypsy]

But the other day he text me saying "you can text me as much as you like if it makes you feel better, I just might not always answer right away!"

 

Geez,what an arrogant git! Unbelieveable that he can be this certain of himself.I assume he finished with you? If so,this guy "knows" he has you on a string.He actually believes that you are so desperate that he has the audacity to text you the above text.

 

Well if you want this spoilt person back I firstly,strongly advise you to stay in NC.Do not answer any of his calls or texts.Turn the table and hold fast.

Let him come crawling back to you,begging to be taken back.Don't worry if he doesn't crawl back,he will only be proving that he doesn't love you.

But you will have your dignity intact and he will respect you more if you don't go for the bait.Seriously steer clear of him and his arrogance.

Let him do ALL the work.You're not doing NC that long and you have got a reaction from him(albeit a smart one) By ignoring him further it will have him wondering.It may be enough to get him thinking that you are not a commodity for him,when he wants it.

[AngryHeart]

I guess you guys are right - thanks. I think that if he texts me again I will answer. But I need to be strong - I shouldn't text him first. He can come to me. Thank you for waking me up back into reality. I was so close. But yeah, texting him is just going to make him more proud. When(if) he next texts me, I'll answer but be brief. This is so hard..harder than I thought. I feel like I'm in rehab, lol.

[LilBear]

You needn't always answer his texts.

I went the whole day without replying to his texts and what did he do?

Called me.

 

But not for the right reasons though, not that I was hoping.

We're still in the early stages of a break up

[AngryHeart]

Well, that's the complacated thing.He went off after a (small in my eyes) disagreement. If you could even call it that. He told me he was going for a walk and will be back, but never did. I called him after a while and asked if he was coming back..we had a really nice weekend planned. He said no. He said he was going on a pub crawl and turning his phone off. I done the typical beggin' and crying, etc. but he wouldn't tell me why he went off. He ignored me for days, then texted me something totally unrelated and something totally not important. I asked him where I stand, but he would never tell me. He never even told me it was over. So I assumed and said my goodbyes. He replied by saying he has no hard feelings towards me, will always consider me a friend, and hope I find "Mr Right" one day, lol. He's still to this day (2 weeks on) not told me WHY. I mean we had one little disagreement. He has done it before..went off. He said it was because I was being too needy and jumped down his throat a lot. We ended up getting back together after 5 days, and I worked on my issues. We were getting on so well, and he say how happy he is, how better things with me were. He said he could see us being together forever and that he was going to put our name down for a house together in January. And then this..........................:sad:

[LilBear]

He's playing games with you and he's stringing you along.

He sounds a bit like my ex, though my ex never said anything about "getting back together".

 

All he said to me tonight was "Can we be friends and please don't ignore me."

And when I told him I need time to think because I'm not ok with being just friends he mentioned he doesn't wanna start anything rash because he's still hurting.

 

So no, don't expect anything, at all. It's not going to happen, not until he grows up and you've dealt with your issues.

[bustertypsy]

Angry,it seems like you have yourself a bit of a mammies boy here.Probably used to getting his own way most of his life at home and now wants it in the big bad world.You have 2 choices,you either allow him to run the relationship his way or you get him to see that relationships are a two way thing.He walks away cos of an argument,and he calls himself a man.Going on a pub crawl and knocking off his phone.Buy him a soother for Xmas!!

 

The only way to make these type waken up is to totally ignore them.Let them know that they are nothing special and you can carry on fine without them.A good dose of reality! They will get off on you begging and pleading,it gives them strength.Take away that strength and pretend they don't exist.I strongly recommend that you don't answer any of his texts.If you want to answer his calls,keep them short.Let him earn the right to deserve you back.

 

Normally disagreements are both peoples faults.Don't let him apportion the blame on you and make you feel guilty.It's another one of his spoilt tactics,passing the blame.Just give yourself the respect you deserve and maybe he'll wake up and give you some too.

[AngryHeart]

It's not going to happen, not until he grows up and you've dealt with your issues.

 

That's pretty much it. He is pretty immature I guess. I am 19 and he is 28! And I'd say I'm more mature when it comes to relationships.

 

 

Angry,it seems like you have yourself a bit of a mammies boy here.Probably used to getting his own way most of his life at home and now wants it in the big bad world.You have 2 choices,you either allow him to run the relationship his way or you get him to see that relationships are a two way thing.He walks away cos of an argument,and he calls himself a man.Going on a pub crawl and knocking off his phone.Buy him a soother for Xmas!!

 

The only way to make these type waken up is to totally ignore them.Let them know that they are nothing special and you can carry on fine without them.A good dose of reality! They will get off on you begging and pleading,it gives them strength.Take away that strength and pretend they don't exist.I strongly recommend that you don't answer any of his texts.If you want to answer his calls,keep them short.Let him earn the right to deserve you back.

 

Normally disagreements are both peoples faults.Don't let him apportion the blame on you and make you feel guilty.It's another one of his spoilt tactics,passing the blame.Just give yourself the respect you deserve and maybe he'll wake up and give you some too.

 

I know that his parents have been married for like ever. They have a real good marriage, and my ex is the youngest. He has an older sister. He claims he never was spoilt and that the world is against him ( But maybe you are right. Maybe he was so spoilt that he doesn't even realise it! He's nearly 28 and I'm his first serious girlfriend! So I don't thin he knows what he is doing?

 

You're right...he needs a reality check. I'm NOT as needy as he thinks, and my life WILL go on without him. I realise I must have inflated his ego. He never really got the attention from other girls that I gave him. I was very much in love with him, and always made sure that he knew. Which is a good thing..but obviously that must have inflated his ego. So time to deflate it. He must do the running if he wants me back - it's just hard!

[bustertypsy]

QUOTE

You're right...he needs a reality check. I'm NOT as needy as he thinks, and my life WILL go on without him. I realise I must have inflated his ego. He never really got the attention from other girls that I gave him. I was very much in love with him, and always made sure that he knew. Which is a good thing..but obviously that must have inflated his ego. So time to deflate it. He must do the running if he wants me back - it's just hard!

__________________

 

Exactly,can't believe he is 28,he really does sound like a teenager,and certainly acts like one.Now you are seeing him for what he is.Some people begin to believe that their partner loves them so much,that they will chase them halfway around the world.Normally when they discover that they won't,they end up chasing them.It really does work!!! When he chases you,just make sure you lay down some ground rules if you want him back.

[AngryHeart]

You're right. THANK YOU..I'm glad I didn't text him now!

 

xxx

[bustertypsy]

You're right. THANK YOU..I'm glad I didn't text him now!

 

xxx

 

You are welcome!

If you ever feel like texting,post here instead.

 

I know it's tough,I am doing NC for 2 months now,but believe me I am seeing results.Only heard the other day my ex was spotted in my area.She lives 15 miles away and has no reason to be around this area.Better still,I don't really care why she was.

[Clabs]

Hey AngryHeart

 

"You're right...he needs a reality check. I'm NOT as needy as he thinks, and my life WILL go on without him. I realise I must have inflated his ego. He never really got the attention from other girls that I gave him. I was very much in love with him, and always made sure that he knew. Which is a good thing..but obviously that must have inflated his ego. So time to deflate it. He must do the running if he wants me back - it's just hard!"

 

This is so true!

 

It seems you two have traded ages, because you sound mature and sensible and he sounds stoopid and immature!

 

He is going to have to experience the real repercussions of his decision and he has to live with that. It is his loss, it really is.

 

Darling, you treated him so good. Don't waste anymore effort on him. Hang it out and it won't be long before you find someone who truly loves and adores you for the fantastic girl that you are and fully appreciates all the love you have to give.

 

It ain't easy, but I think you see light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Mark

[AngryHeart]

You are welcome!

If you ever feel like texting,post here instead.

 

I know it's tough,I am doing NC for 2 months now,but believe me I am seeing results.Only heard the other day my ex was spotted in my area.She lives 15 miles away and has no reason to be around this area.Better still,I don't really care why she was.

 

Will do

 

That's amazing that you've got to the point of not caring. I can't wait until I can get to that. It just hurts so bad that I gave this guy my everything, loved him so much, and he repays me like this. But it's okay...whatever happens I've learnt, and I know the mistakes that I made and won't make them again the next time. Either with him or somebody else. You're doing the right thing...she's obviously curious as to what you are upto.

 

 

Thanks, Mark - that is so sweet. I gave him all I could, I tried my hardest. What more could I have done? Sure I had my flaws, but the thing is, I worked on them. It wasn't enough for him.

[CreoUCLA]

 

It just hurts so bad that I gave this guy my everything, loved him so much, and he repays me like this.

 

I gave him all I could, I tried my hardest. What more could I have done? Sure I had my flaws, but the thing is, I worked on them. It wasn't enough for him.

 

It's about you right now. You gave it your best, you're awesome, you're wonderful. If he can't see that, it's his misfortune... And that frees you to find someone that will appreciate you for who you are.

 

-Mike-

[Clabs]

Honey - we all have flaws - and good for you for accepting this - but you were still too good for him.

 

It is so painfull when you treat someone so well and they repay you like this - uuuggghhh! Why do they do it? How can they have the gall to do it? I am still trying to figure that out. In view of the fact that I haven't found any reasonable explanation, I deduce that there is nothing wrong with us and everything wrong with them and I really think this is true!

 

Give this some time - as hard as it seems - and you too will not care. It won't be easy - you will have down moments again. All I can say is to be strong - be you - never lose sight of who you are - fantastic!

 

Keep back on here - you are loved and cherished here darling - just as you deserve.

 

Mark

[AngryHeart]

Thank you so much. *hugs* You're right, we all have flaws but the main thing is I loved him, and I was working on those flaws. I done eveything I could do in my power! There are so many broken promises. Like about the future, etc. maybe he meant them at the time, I don't know. But I feel lied to.

 

 

 

 

Yep. I need somebody that loves me as much as I love them, and prove it. Not a baby that runs off whenever there are any problems. That's his way of dealing with things I guess. But it's not good enough for me. If ever he begs for me back, I will make sure that he knows that he needs to treat me with more respect, and if he fails that again I really am gone for good. And I think after this time, if that was to happen, I would be stronger. If it's meant to be he'll be back I guess. If not I need to find me a nice, loving, sexy man!

[bustertypsy]

Will do

 

That's amazing that you've got to the point of not caring. I can't wait until I can get to that. It just hurts so bad that I gave this guy my everything, loved him so much, and he repays me like this. But it's okay...whatever happens I've learnt, and I know the mistakes that I made and won't make them again the next time. Either with him or somebody else. You're doing the right thing...she's obviously curious as to what you are upto.

 

 

 

Angry,I am far from the point of not caring.I still love my ex,a lot,but I have reached acceptance.I know that there is nothing more for me to do and I have accepted this.Acceptance allows the heart to stop suffering and takes away that unbearable pain,the pain that makes you want to make that call,send that text,just to feel a little better.In time you will feel acceptance too and you will understand me better.

 

Creoulca is right,you are awesome and incredible,and sound like a very intelligent young lady.Follow you soul and you will be always doing the right thing.

[AngryHeart]

Angry,I am far from the point of not caring.I still love my ex,a lot,but I have reached acceptance.I know that there is nothing more for me to do and I have accepted this.Acceptance allows the heart to stop suffering and takes away that unbearable pain,the pain that makes you want to make that call,send that text,just to feel a little better.In time you will feel acceptance too and you will understand me better.

 

Creoulca is right,you are awesome and incredible,and sound like a very intelligent young lady.Follow you soul and you will be always doing the right thing.

 

How long have you been split up? You seem very nice and intelligent too. You are caring about YOU first, instead of your ex first...and that's where I need to get to. I know I will in time. It's still such early days. I need help wiht loving myself.....I have issues, and past experiences and regrets and I cannot say I love myself. Most of the time I hate myself. And I know that must effect any relationship I would get into. I need more self-esteem, and more dependence. Maybe this is just what I needed to start getting that. I've had no self respect with my ex so far. But the day I went NC is when I decided to resepect myself more. And I wouldn't have done it without people like you, Clabs, CreoUCLA, etc. So thanks!

[bustertypsy]

How long have you been split up? You seem very nice and intelligent too. You are caring about YOU first, instead of your ex first...and that's where I need to get to. I know I will in time. It's still such early days. I need help wiht loving myself.....I have issues, and past experiences and regrets and I cannot say I love myself. Most of the time I hate myself. And I know that must effect any relationship I would get into. I need more self-esteem, and more dependence. Maybe this is just what I needed to start getting that. I've had no self respect with my ex so far. But the day I went NC is when I decided to resepect myself more. And I wouldn't have done it without people like you, Clabs, CreoUCLA, etc. So thanks!

 

Hi Heart,(sounds better than Angry,lol),I am just over 2 months split up from my ex.We were 31/2 yrs together.We were very close,but could get into an argument very easily.She was always very quick to say "it's over" every time.I always did the making up,and set a precedent.Eventually after this happening once too often,she ended things.I tried to make up but she wasn't having any of it.So I made the decision that I am not chasing the relationship anymore,a touch of "cry wolf".She will have to come to me this time.

This is how I can relate to your boyfriend running off when things don't go his way.

 

I think we all have issues with ourselves,so don't think you are alone.It is so easy to blame yourself for when things go wrong.That's a natural guilt,we all get that.It's easier to hate ourselves when things don't work out.You are normal!! Just look at your family and friends who love you.It's because you are a wonderful person.A man can knock a womans confidence,even though they are a fantastic person.

[AngryHeart]

UGH, I need guidance. Can somebody tell me I'm doing the right thing by not contacting him. I am right?? Feel like giving in again.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

please dont text him!! I think its not a good idea..he said text him if it makes you feel better?...oh no nooo..its all about him! its not a text you should respond to..he's asking you to feed his ego..coz he probably think you will so why not do it the opposite way??It doesnt feel right...youre doing the right thing by doing NC..keep doing this and it means youre not tolerating it..unless he text you something that deserves your respect

[AngryHeart]

Thank you. I needed to see it from someone else...I can't always trust myself. This (NC) is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do! Why do you think he sent that text? Is he laughing at me?

[AngryHeart]

GRRR, sorry I just need to vent. My mum went out tonight, came back and told me she had seen 2 of my ex's friends. One of them is also a friend of mine, the other hates me. Anyway, one of the guys is usually always with his GF, but my mum said that she didn't see her there. I know that this guy was planning on dumping her. Maybe he did. AND my ex used to always hang out with these two guys before he met me, and sometimes with me. So I assumed that he would have started hanging with them again, but mum said he wasn't there. She then went on to say "well maybe he was inside the fast food place with Jade (the girl I was talking about earlier)" So now my mind is racing even more. He maybe just wasn't out tonight, or maybe he was hanging around with her (she lied to him when we were together saying I had cheated on him) He's stupid to want to hanf with her. Or maybe he had already gone home. Or maybe........he was somewhere else with another girl I wish my mum had never said anything, because I can't stop wondering.