what to do?

[i_must_be_blind]

i recently pissed my ex off on three separate occasion to the point where she told me to "F Off" in a text message. i couldn't stop sending her text/voicemails to tell her that what she had done to me hurt more than she knew. after telling me this, she went for about a week of ignoring everything i sent to her, then she called. keep in mind that i moved away for school (will be back next april), she got a new boyfriend in like two weeks, and moved in after two months. our relationship ended on good terms and we were still "friends" until i started to question why we couldn't make this work out and why she had to resort to an email to break it off with me after we had a year and a half relationship. i should know better than to believe that she'll take me back when i get home since she couldn't wait more than a couple of weeks to find someone new, let alone move in with this guy in just couple months. BUT, i REALLY pissed her off, and she is still talking to me....ugghhh. what am i supposed to think about all this? is she still just keeping me on a string? i tried to go NC, but i couldn't keep it bottled inside. she had to know how i felt, but i don't think she even cares anymore. i guess my question to all you is: why does she still talk to me? this time, i'm going to stay true to myself and go NC. i'll be home for christmas next week and we have agreed to see each other, but i'm not going to initiate any contact with her. i guess i'll find out soon enough if she does still care if i get a call from her. maybe i'll just ignore her like she's been doing to me. i doubt she even tries to see me though...

 

any suggestions?

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi i_must_be_blind,

 

Oh, I get the impression that it's over and I think you do as well.

 

You felt you had to get something off your chest, and after a year and a half relationship I think you were entitled to a few last comuniques...

 

But, I think that strict NC is the only way to go, and the reason she still talks to you is kind of irrelevant in that light.

 

Try and move on and concentrate on finding someone new.

 

Jeff

[yellow_sweater]

Really good advice, Jeffrey. I agree wholeheartedly.

 

It doesn't matter why she is still talking to you. It would be better if she were not, because it would force yourself to go NC. It really sounds like this is deader than a doornail. I know it's hard, but work on letting it go.

 

Do NOT see her over Christmas break. For your own good.

 

YS

[-BK-]

Agreed, agreed, agreed.

[watermelon]

This girl dumped you by email after a year and a half! She is not worth it, definitely NC, if she cant be there for you then you should not be there for her, you need time out, dont see her over christmas- it will be like a relapse. If you look at it from an outside view then you can see she is not worth your time, effort or hurt. you will meet someone better (and hopefully hotter...) Good luck!

[i_must_be_blind]

i go home tomorrow...

 

i got a voicemail from her today telling me that she went to talk to my dad about when i'm coming home. what the hell? she goes from telling me to never speak to her again to talking to my dad. i really think you guys are right that i shouldn't see her, BUT i feel like i deserve some formal closure. a part of me says that i should blow her off like she did to me, but the rest says maybe she's ready to tell me how she really feels...for better or worse.

 

confused, AGAIN!!

[yellow_sweater]

If she were crass enough to dump you via email, you will not get formal closure from her. I'm so sorry. I know that you're feeling hopeful that contact with her will make you feel better, but I have a bad feeling about this. If you're already confused, the best way to become unconfused is to remove the source of confusion from your life for a while. You're not blowing her off--you're putting yourself first. The holidays can be stressful enough without additional stress!

 

Be well

YS

[low man]

Sounds to me that she is just trying to keep another iron in the fire. This way she would have someone to be with no matter where she is located, and then dispose of the iron when something or somebody else shows up in her life!

FORGET HER!!!!!

You obviously have a good and strong personality, which would be why she wants to keep you wondering, while she's cooking several different recipes.

[i_must_be_blind]

You're not blowing her off--you're putting yourself first.

 

 

well, by her standards, this would be yet another selfish act on my part...

 

but, she's not being selfish by?:

1)breaking up in an email

2)finding someone else in 2 weeks/moving in shortly thereafter

3)not answering when i ask her why we couldn't have made a long distance relationship work

4)keeping me around just enough to make me wonder...

5)saying she still loves me even though she's with someone else

etc....

 

the problem is that i still love her, and i think i might have a chance to get her back... i know she's in a rebound, but it's been 4 or 5 months and she slowly weened me off as the time went by. honestly, i was fine after we broke up. it wasn't until she had to keep reminding me how happy she was with her new b/f that i was sucked into feeling like a piece of crap.

 

my first post was ridiculously long, but it really tells the whole story. check it out if you care to know what happened

 

 

[low man]

You need to understand that to love and be equally loved in return, it takes 2 honest and understanding people.

She seems to throw just enough bait in your direction to keep you on her hook. I will bet she has more than one fishing boat and uses different types of bait.

She sounds like a DRAMA QUEEN who loves the spotlight and attention. Have you asked around about her actions when not together or what the latest betting line on her getting you again and setting you up again?

How do your friends see the this?

[i_must_be_blind]

about that voicemail... it said

 

"hey...it's me. bla bla bla.... i talked to your dad about your flight.. bla bla bla...." what the hell does this mean? "i told your dad i'd see them soon"

 

is she seriously referring to seeing my parents?

she's got nerves of steel... i'll give her that much

[i_must_be_blind]

hey y'all... i'm bumping this because i really need some feedback...

 

she called me the other day and wants to meet up before i leave. she's in a relationship now (living with him), but still wants to see me. i need some closure, but i think if i see her it might turn into an argument.

 

i want her back so bad but i don't think i can do anything at this point to make this happen.

 

how should i approach this situation if we see each other?

[Wakingdream]

I would NOT see her.

 

I read your long post about where you stated you felt she always had the upper hand in the relationship. She knows she still has you on a leash despite you two not being together.

 

Take control of yourself and your relationship with her and don't see her.

 

She's with someone anyway...what do you really think will happen here? She'll decide to leave the guy she's with when she sees you, get all her stuff out of there and be exclusively with you forever?

 

The girl you will eventually spend your life with wouldn't be putting you through this ordeal and silliness.

 

I guarantee if you see her and it goes as I assume it will, you will feel worse for doing so. I'd further speculate that she is only doing it to reinforce her current status with her current guy...she's playing games.

 

Let her initiate contact after you don't see her this time and do some major things to get YOU.

[low man]

I think she is enjoying all of this comotion in your life. It's obviously not bothering her! Sounds that she has always done something to stay in THE SPOTLIGHT!

You need to put the spotlight on you and get on with a new and stable person who will be as honest with you as you are to her. Let this wannabe, ego busting, insecure, adolescent go down her own crooked path. You are definitly smarter (I hope) and can see through all this shower of cow manure.