Where are these feelings coming from?

[jtanner]

OK?? Can someone please explain this to me? I work at a state university passing papers back and forth from administrator to administrator. Right now, there's a lot of that, because we're in negotiations. So, about four months ago, I meet this guy who works for (anonymous) dept.-he's actually the executive director of that particular department.

 

There has been a lot of tension between him and I recently, but it could just be me? When I finally got the nerve to have a real conversation with him, he turned out to be a pretty nice guy. He kept asking me about my life-while partially telling me about his. I found out he has a son and is single.

 

When I first started bringing him papers, I only saw his secretary. Now every time I go down to his suite, he is always manages to say "hi". He refers to me as "trouble" because if his dept. and my dept. don't negotiate on certain "anonymous" issues, then we pretty much have "trouble".

 

I always thought he was handsome, even before we started saying "hi" to each other. During one of our "real" conversations I know I was acting very shy and I probably came off with low self-esteem, as usual. I'm sure he sensed it. After that particular conversation, we really haven't spoken much since. He kind of just says "oh...hi..what do you need". It's really embarrassing. Now I'm so embarrassed to go down there, because of how I presented myself before.

 

Every time I go down there I try to make sure he is out of the office, but most of the time I can't avoid him being in there.

 

Today when I went down there, he didn't even speak to me, I had to speak to him. For the past month-he's been acting stuck up like he's better then me. I just get this really bad vibe from him, but at the same time I manage to panic when I see him. When I got back to my office, I was associating my panic with passion? I kept thinking how he kisses and if he would be controlling in bed like he is in person. Not so much as controlling, but very he's just very masculine. He seems like he would be the "rough" type.

 

AHH!! WHY am I having these feelings? He doesn't even like me. I'm a little overweight. That was actually one of the things we were talking about. He use to weigh like 300 lbs, and lost a lot of weight. He's still not in that great of shape, but he is built like a football player. He was telling me I should lose weight and do it for myself. When he said that to me a while ago, it seemed like he had confidence in me. I really appreciated that, because I don't have it in myself.

 

OK, the real point of this-is that I have a boyfriend, so why am I feeling this way? As if I could rip another mans clothes off in his office?

 

This is all so very confusing.

[Gratsy]

If you want to lose weight, thats up to you. Its not really any of his business. He sounds like a cocky jerk to me. Who cares if he's interested. However, since you ask- he probably thinks that you're attractive but doesn't want anything further. However, if you're looking forward to being in a relationship with a guy who will treat you like an inferior...just keep flirting with him and he might ask you out.

[jtanner]

If you want to lose weight, thats up to you. Its not really any of his business. He sounds like a cocky jerk to me. Who cares if he's interested. However, since you ask- he probably thinks that you're attractive but doesn't want anything further. However, if you're looking forward to being in a relationship with a guy who will treat you like an inferior...just keep flirting with him and he might ask you out.

 

COCKY JERK! That's it. You hit that one right on the head. Yes, he is very cocky and stuck up is what I realize, but I still have this burning desire inside of me to feel attracted to him? What is up with that? This is very confusing.

[Gratsy]

He's in a position of power over you, thats always kind of primevilly sexy.

 

Who knows, maybe your father was also condescending and it turns you on or something.

 

Part of you wants to believe that deep down inside somewhere he's actually sweet.

 

Its okay to be attracted to him: BUT personally I'd work towards being turned off by him. Its possible to do that. Just keep yourself very short and just do your job. Divorce yourself from your emotions until he becomes nothing but a bossy object that you listen to but don't really respect. Hard to explain, but you're going to have to depend on rationale, not your lustful heart if you don't want to be put in a hard position.

[ghost69]

maybe acting that way is his way of trying to attract you. who knows. but he is being a * * * * . and you have a bf. put this guy out of your head.

[jtanner]

I will do that, but at the same time-I want to gain the power. The power to make him want. His position isn't going anywhere and I won't be for a while either, so maybe this is motivation for me to get myself together? As I work on myself, my confidence will probably shoot up, and I'm sure he'll notice that and maybe try to pursue me. BUT, I won't fall into his trap, I'll just hold that power of want over him. Do you think this is possible?

[jtanner]

I'm starting to get this evil smile. I almost want to laugh

[ghost69]

I will do that, but at the same time-I want to gain the power. The power to make him want. His position isn't going anywhere and I won't be for a while either, so maybe this is motivation for me to get myself together? As I work on myself, my confidence will probably shoot up, and I'm sure he'll notice that and maybe try to pursue me. BUT, I won't fall into his trap, I'll just hold that power of want over him. Do you think this is possible?

 

why would you want to do that? please don't play games. you have a bf. why try and make another man want you?

[jtanner]

why would you want to do that? please don't play games. you have a bf. why try and make another man want you?

 

Why not? Any attractive woman would make a guy turn his head. I want to make the "guys" turn their heads. I've been commented on my beauty many times before, but I've been spending too much time in the "lazy" department, and so I have to work on myself. Hey, if he falls for me-there's nothing I can do about that. He's already shown a little interest in me, but now he's acting like he doesn't care. Which is fine, but he won't have his CAKE and EAT it too. He's pushing me away, and I will eventually..actually very soon...lose interest. I would never seduce him. Anyway, once I get down to where I want to be, he probably won't even be all that attractive. I bet you it's his POWER! I'm really starting to dislike him.

[Gratsy]

Just forget this guy. This isn't about owning him or defeating him. Cocky jerks often have stayed that way for a long time for a reason. Even if you do manage to get into this higher position over him that he deserves, who cares? You want to defeat him and that makes him attractive to you. Its silly.

 

It is about power, thats good that you recognize that. I think its good that you don't have any emotions towards him, whether angry or not. He doesn't really sound all that worth it.

[jtanner]

Thank you. I really appreciate the advice. I won't waste my time with him anyway. He was showing me some pictures of his son once, and he accidently scrolled accross these pictures of him while he was in Las Vegas with his friends. There was a picture of him holding this woman like he was getting ready to undress her. It was very intimidating, because a few seconds before I glanced at that picture, he was so interested in me. Shortly after seeing that picture, I was skeptical and still am. I don't want him, and I couldn't see myself with him...EVER. It was just this feeling inside of me that felt like pursuing..what I felt was...passion.?? Probably not though. So yeah, drop this "fairytale" fantasy of mine. Now I feel awful, because i have a boyfriend at home.

[jtanner]

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