Lilacs Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 I'm 26 and I have just gotten out of a 6/12 year relationship with my ex. We had broken up for a year after college and it destroyed me. But a year later he came back. Since that time I've worked hard on having my own life and not being dependent on him. I'm finishing up law school and we've been long distance except for the summers. He is applying to grad school and the topic of marriage and what's next had been coming up. I was ready. I felt like these last few years had been hard because I had built up resentment towards him for breaking up with me and then wanting to get back together right when I went off to grad school. I was finally ready to let go of those feelings and be with him completely. I love him so much. It's so hard. I know the way I acted was not representative of how I feel about him. I was always putting pressure on him and saying that things weren't good enough. We were talking about the future and it just came out that he didn't think that we felt right. And that he'd been feeling this way for the past few months. I told him I was willing to make it work, he said he wasn't. Part of me thinks that he's freaking out, but I don't know. It's been 7weeks. We broke up over the phone and I haven't seen him. I asked him not to contact me if this is what he wanted. I made him promise that he wouldn't. I'm home from law school and he's right there. I miss him so much. I want to make things work, I want him to know how much I love him and how sorry I am for not appreciating him. I am home for a few more weeks. I don't know if I should call or email him just to say hi. He told my friend he wanted to call me, but I made him promise that he wouldn't. I know you have to let go for it to come back to you. But would a slight hello be good to open the doors to possible communication later? I don't want to push him away, but I also don't want to lose communication permanently... Thanks for the help, it is truly appreciated. Lilacs Link to comment
samross Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Lilacs Do you think some of the turmoil came from the fact that the academic lives of you and him were in a state of flux? In other words the pressures of grad school, law school, etc., at a time when neither of you were really 'settled down' yet? It sounds like perhaps that might be the basis for restoring the relationship. Take that stress somehow out of the picture? Link to comment
samross Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 I guess I didn't answer your question. I don't think contactnig him would be the wrong thing to do. You love him. You've indicated that you know he wanted to call you so there is desire on his side. And I can imagine there may be a fair bit of pride involved. If you love him and your pride is standing in the way then you know how to fix that... Link to comment
Lilacs Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 It's possible, I accepted a job in Boston and he was applying to two grad schools, one in Boston and 1 in California. I told him I would go to California but I needed a commitment to leave the job I have waiting for me. People kept asking when we were getting engaged, and then his best friend got engaged. I don't think we were ready for that, but I also don't think we should've ended it. You're right though, it is hard to contact him because I don't want him to hurt me. Thanks for the advice Samross. Link to comment
samross Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 I know you don't want him to hurt you but is this something if you don't do you will always wonder? Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Lilacs, You were together for 6.5 years. He's not going to forget about you overnight. In my opinion, a "slight hello" when you're in a fragile emotional state is likely to turn into a mess. You asked for no contact, now you've got to deal with what you've got--and that's GOOD. Since it sounds like you're on good terms with him, it might be appropriate to send a holiday greeting card, but I would not call or text him. The idea is to show that he's on your mind, but NOT to have a conversation. Sit tight until you're sure of what you're doing. He probably doesn't want to rehash the relationship again and again. If he associates you with unpleasant conversations, then you're less likely to remain close. Good luck and hang in there YS Link to comment
Lilacs Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Thanks YS, Maybe a card is a good idea. It's weird though, usually he's with me for the holidays, now just a card. I'd like to see him before I go back to grad school in January... Link to comment
Lilacs Posted December 15, 2007 Author Share Posted December 15, 2007 Does anyone else have any advice on this...? Any insight would be much appreciated Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.