I cant do this anymore...

[Penny1041]

Its been a while since I posted... But lately my struggle with my family (my two kids and I) are just becoming overwhelming. We've had so many "issues" so much violence between my son and daughter. I gotten the violence to stop, especially once CPS stepped in..(God I hate them) BUT... my 14 year old daughter still runs my house.. she talks back, she on the internet at least four hours every night and curses like a sailor. She cuts herself off and on..

I am just so tired of the drama.. I dont know how I can go on like this? It bothers me to think these are the childhood memories my kids will have.. Living in section 8 apartment, no happiness, no money..

Things just seem so hopeless.. I am such a bad mom..

 

Penny

[southerngirl]

You are not a bad mom.

 

As for your 14 year old living online you can put a stop to that!

 

Get her off the computer. Does she have one in her room? Take it away.

 

She will go through withdrawls but it is time for serious measures. You could take away all of her things and leave her with nothing but her bed and dresser... Your her mother take control of her. You have to do it! Tell her till she gets her act together then thats it, all is lost!

 

Set up some sort of reward system where she can earn it back, and mean business. If she doesn't earn it she doesn't get it!

 

I can only imagine that Id be in a similar situation if I found myself as a single mom to my three.

 

It is hard and can seem like you are all alone. I was a single mother for five years to one child...

 

You need to do things for yourself. Take time for you! I know you don't have alot of money but there are things you can do. Long hot baths...

 

You can keep posting here also! Many here will be a supportive ear!

[confusedmama]

Just because you are in section 8 housing and have no money doesn't mean you can't have happiness. I know it sounds trite but money really doesn't buy happiness-granted it makes it easier to afford, but it won't buy it.

 

If you have no money, get rid of the internet. It will force your daughter off and give you extra $$ every month. I got rid of it at my house for the $$ (I use the library and work when I'm off clock).

 

I know it is hard, I also am a single mom and sometimes (ok most of the time) I'm at my wits end with my 3 boys. I'm tired of paying all the bills, doing the homework, refereeing the fights, and getting taken advantage of by the kids and my ex. BUT.... I also know that this life is better than the previous and things WILL get better.

 

Happiness has to come from the belief that it does get better and even if it doesn't it is better than before or better than it could be.

 

GOOD LUCK and HANG IN THERE!!!

[sidehop]

You are the boss & you need to show her who runs the show.

 

She needs guidance and love from your more then anything. Without the mother being in control, she gets out of control. She doesn't know who to go to. You are not a bad mom. We have a 11 year old that's been acting up quite a bit. You know what? We had to take serious actions.

 

The other night, with his usual attitude and not wanting to his chores which is sweeping down couple steps and feeding/watering the cats. At most it would take him three minutes. He always waits & moans about it.

 

Guess what, we gave him no choice but to do extra chores. He had to vacuum the floor. Yes he was VERY mad but if he didn't do it, he would've mopped the floor on top of it and lost further privileges.

 

I agree with confusedmama, get rid of the internet. We've put away most of the gaming consoles at our house and put a serious limit on computer usage as well. Since last Christmas we have not bought one video games for his Xbox and Playstation either. If he really wants a game, he'll need to earn it with his grades & can pay for himself.

[KG]

My 12 year old son often tries to take over control, the hammer comes down! After that, he shows love instead of combativeness.

Punish/rewards as needed!

KG

[Mysterygirl]

Its been a while since I posted... But lately my struggle with my family (my two kids and I) are just becoming overwhelming. We've had so many "issues" so much violence between my son and daughter. I gotten the violence to stop, especially once CPS stepped in..(God I hate them) BUT... my 14 year old daughter still runs my house.. she talks back, she on the internet at least four hours every night and curses like a sailor. She cuts herself off and on..

I am just so tired of the drama.. I dont know how I can go on like this? It bothers me to think these are the childhood memories my kids will have.. Living in section 8 apartment, no happiness, no money..

Things just seem so hopeless.. I am such a bad mom..

 

Penny

 

You are the mother, you control that house. Those kids live by your example. They learn through you on how to treat each other.

If you want happiness in your house, then you bring the happiness.. sure it may not happen over night and it may not happen in a week .. but after awhile your happiness will rub off on them

 

How about family night .. the 3 of you playing a game together .. they got some really neat DVD games out there.

OR the 3 of you watching a movie ... "popcorn and movie night"

 

It sounds like you need structure and order in your house. Well you are the leader of this pack, so it is up to you to provide the structure and order. Kids thrive on routine ...

You set the rules and you force them. You daughter should be on a home schedule.

Free time after school for an hour or two (my 9 yr old gets 1 hour after school) ... do a chore ... dinner .. homework .. then free time before bed. She should be going to bed at the same time every night ...

Talk to her before hand and let her know that there needs to be some changes and you would like to start something new ... show her what u are planning on doing. She probably wont like it.. but it is your job as her mother to stay on her until she does. After awhile her schedule will be like second nature to her ...

Just make the schedule and post it on your fridge.

 

What about her getting a job?

 

Money does not bring you happiness! Life and Love ...

 

In order to get happiness you need to give happiness

[pshaw569]

You are not a bad MOM! First you MUST keep saying that to yourself! That is most important. I know I have 15 year old who was just as bad.

 

Some times it takes tuff love and yes I know how hard that is. I had to call the cops on my daughter. But she started to get the picture. You have to take back the roll of her being in charge. You are!

 

If she is on the internet disconnect the connection to the computer she uses.

 

If she swears block her out dont even act as if she if there. If you keep correcting her she will know it bothers you and do it more. Do not listen to it and do not pay attention until she apologizes for it. It is hard but in time it will work.

 

She may need to talk to a counselor of some kind. She may also fight that but sometimes it does a kid good to talk to an adult who will not judge them or punish them.

 

We as parents do the best we can for our children but they are there own person and we try to mold them but sometimes they break the mold.

 

I am sure that all of the people on death row were not raised to be bad kids who turned into bad adults they just became that over time.

 

You have to show your daughter you love her and you are in charge you can not settle for less.

[Atticus90]

A good ol' spanking would do the trick.

young girls these days are getting led on so much on the internet by pedo's and other things. If she lives on the internet, she'll slowly loose her social life.

 

Her cutting could very well be an effect of being on the computer believe it or not.

[Penny1041]

Wow, thanks fpr all the replys. I read them early, I was just too buy to post till now. I hope you all are having a nice holiday season.You all gave me some wonderful advice and support. Thank you so much. I agree with what everyone has said here. I guess when your alone you loose perspective pn the big picture.

Ive know her internet usage was excessive for a long time now. Money is so tight I may just have to cut the internet, just based on finances.

Anyway thank you all again. I will keep posting here, its nice to have a safe place to vent and ask questions.

 

Penny

[JadedStar]

Its been a while since I posted... But lately my struggle with my family (my two kids and I) are just becoming overwhelming. We've had so many "issues" so much violence between my son and daughter. I gotten the violence to stop, especially once CPS stepped in..(God I hate them) BUT... my 14 year old daughter still runs my house.. she talks back, she on the internet at least four hours every night and curses like a sailor. She cuts herself off and on..

I am just so tired of the drama.. I dont know how I can go on like this? It bothers me to think these are the childhood memories my kids will have.. Living in section 8 apartment, no happiness, no money..

Things just seem so hopeless.. I am such a bad mom..

 

Penny

 

 

I would have my internet disconnected before I'd allow my 14 year old to be on it as she pleased. Seriously.

 

You are not a bad mom you are just not setting boundaries.

[Up and Down]

why does your daughter cut herself? Her rage and control seem to be key traits in BPD...maybe worth looking into at a professional level. I am sorry you are going through so much turmoil, sounds like hell. Don't beat yourself up, you are being a good mother as you are seeking support and advice, when you are in the thick of things its hard to see clearly.

[Penny1041]

A good ol' spanking would do the trick.

young girls these days are getting led on so much on the internet by pedo's and other things. If she lives on the internet, she'll slowly loose her social life.

 

Her cutting could very well be an effect of being on the computer believe it or not.

 

What do you mean her cutting herself could be an effect of the computer? Just curious...

 

Penny

[southerngirl]

I do not think that her use of the computer is causing her to self-harm. However, I think that her self harming, combined with her overuse of the computer is indication that there might be more going on here. Perhaps she is depressed?

 

Have you cut back on her internet use yet? I know this could be very hard to do, but I think it could be better for her in the end.

 

Either cut her off cold turkey or limit her use to only a certain time a day. Perhaps sit down with her and negotiate what fair house rules are. I know, your the mom and in charge but maybe giving her a little say in the house rules could help. Within reason.

 

My oldest is 10, so I am not dealing with a child quite so old yet... Some days I wish I could just stop him from growing. I know those days are coming! Yes, stick around here and let us know how its going. We all support eachother here! There may come a day when you can help me!

[Atticus90]

What do you mean her cutting herself could be an effect of the computer? Just curious...

 

Penny

 

She could be on the computer so much, that she could be ignoreing the life outside the computer. Being addicted and all and she could be cutting herself, because she's upset about her real life.

 

Disconnect the internet.