Dealing with severe social social anxiety

[shadowedsky]

and depression.

 

Ive been reading forums like this alot (I have alot of spare time as ill explain soon) and this is my first time posting hoping I can find someone who has shared the same experiences and may be able to spare some advice.

 

For the past 7years at least I was slowly becoming more and more anxious in social settings now for 3years I have probably left my house for about 10weeks (3 1/2 of those were spent at inpatient care) at most during all that time. As you can imagine life is very hard to live like this I wont go into details explaining how I'm able to do this but basically I have a lovely home-care nurse that takes care of all my outside needs.

 

The thing is I have finally gotten over enough of my depression enough on my own terms to understand that I need help but its how to overcome my social anxiety enough to acutally step outside and get help.

 

To give you a small understanding of how bad I get my curtains are never open if I'm in a room with them open I can literally drive myself into a state where I lock myself in the bathroom in my bedroom which has no windows or anything. When the nurse comes even tho she is an accepted part of my life I shut myself into my room while she puts the shopping in the kitchen. Even on the phone I can have attacks of panic about what the person might be thinking about me at the time etc etc anyone thats suffered/suffers from this will know what I mean.

 

While I was in inpatient care and a while after I had some small success with drugs but as you can imagine trying to see doctors and get scripts filled etc etc isn't very easy with the way I live.

 

Hoping theres someone out there thats had/has social anxiety not even to my extent and can offer me some advice.

 

Sorry for the long post its pretty easy to open up over a faceless medium I must confess

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

if your locking yourself in bathroom, it may be something other than social anxiety. but im no doctor.........

 

social anxiety is dealt with by facing a problem head on, instead of running, try standing and looking at the ground to start off.....

 

change comes slowly...instead of running, stand just stand your ground no matter how hard it is

 

change comes, just slowly but most assurdly.

 

and yes people will make fun of you, thats something you have to accecpt, once you know that someones going to make fun of you, half of the battle is fought, people will always think what they want. but what you think is whats really true about yourself.

[Stinkweed]

If it's just social anxiety, then try to find something that makes it worth getting out... A passion, a hobby... It does make you feel better to have something at least for the weekends, to look forward to.

 

If it's another problem, say, agoraphobia, which I am not 100% sure is the case with you (I'm not a doctor...), then I really don't know a lot about how to deal with phobias. I'm guessing the best way is to confront them, maybe?

 

Just try your best, you're only human. Take one step at a time, and I'm sure you'll get there. Try, one day, to open one curtain. Then every couple of days open another one. When you're comfortable with having your curtains up, try one day saying "good morning" and/or "thank you" to the nurse. I really don't think you need meds to get by...

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi shadowedsky, and welcome to ENA,

 

Well, like the last part of your posts says, the internet is a great medium to socialise, get to know folks and make a few friends.

 

It does sound as though your anxiety is most acute.

 

I get panic attacks from time to time, and what I do, is close my eyes and imagine I am petting my old black lab.

 

It does seem to get the attack to at least stabilize a bit, and not snowball any further...

 

So, why don't you hang out here...

 

Go over to the OT forum and just hang out for awhile... there are some fun and entertaining threads over there.

 

People say "it's just the internet", but, these are real folks and some are my best friends...

 

Jeff

[shadowedsky]

Hey thanks to all three of you

 

What I gathered by your replys is quite simply I need to try and tackle it head on and slowly of course not all at once. I do like the idea of getting a hobby or something to look forward to I could see that having an impact after I get over leaving the house.

 

Seems like such a simple thing but I guess after being withdrawn from interaction so much these sorta things don't really come to me on their own so I thank you for your tips and appreciate you taking the time to throw them out.

 

And yeah I might just continue to read here seems some very friendly people

 

If anyone else has any tips/experiences with it I'd love to hear them

[Stinkweed]

What I gathered by your replys is quite simply I need to try and tackle it head on and slowly of course not all at once. I do like the idea of getting a hobby or something to look forward to I could see that having an impact after I get over leaving the house.

 

That worked wonders for me... I was on the verge of madness... so depressed a couple of months ago, and I never talked to anyone. the only time my vocal cords got some exercise was when I talked to myself here at home, and the worst part is, I never had anything nice to say... Having something to work on that you can look forward to has made me feel infinitely times better.

 

I'm doing way better now. I know it's not going to be a cakewalk for you, but don't give up. I still have some work to do on myself (for instance, I'm more relaxed overall, but every time I have to give a presentation in front of the class, I get so darn nervous...). And even if it doesn't get perfectly fixed, at least it'll get fixed somehow, and that would mean a lot already... Take one step at a time, I'm sure you'll get there.

[shadowedsky]

Thank you again

 

Once again simple but just reading that somebody else got through it and is better (getting better) is quite inspirational in the way I guess I know I'm not alone with dealing with it.

 

Just hope I can find strength to do it instead of letting it win.

[Stinkweed]

Thank you again

 

Once again simple but just reading that somebody else got through it and is better (getting better) is quite inspirational in the way I guess I know I'm not alone with dealing with it.

 

Just hope I can find strength to do it instead of letting it win.

 

Well, I never actually got serious panic attacks or anything, but did get very depressed, like every afternoon, especially friday nights, when everyone else was out there, and I was in my room with nothing to do, feeling very very bleak...

 

But I'm 100% sure you will find the strength to do it if you really want it. Best of luck to you.

[itsallgrand]

Perhaps one option would be to find a good home support worker to help you?

I'm not sure why you have a home care nurse but I am speaking about a support staff. Someone who is specifically there to help you with doing all that you possibly can for yourself. Encouragement, brainstormer, and that extra pair of hands. You may not always like them...but...

 

I don't know your entire situation, so there may be real medical/physical reasons that first put you in a position to be spending a lot of time at home...or losing some of your independence...a loss of some of abilities/opportunities you may have once had? ....but I know how this can become a cycle that supports itself.

 

Nothing beats good old self reliance. I would put a lot of money that a lot of these fears could be beat with slowly relearning and taking back the controls into your own hands. Doing all that you can do YOURSELF.

 

Maybe right now all you feel you can say you can do is to try to say one short "hello" to the nurse next time she comes round. But that is a start. It's creating goals and building up your confidence, is what it all comes down to.

 

And by the by...ENA is one helluva great support team. These guys and gals have been here for me for all those times it's so hard to face up to real faces, as you know what i mean.

[shadowedsky]

I may look into your suggestion of a home support worker the nurse is lovely but in the times I have been forced into having to have a discussion with her (some things just can't be avoided) I get the feeling she thinks I'm some sort of (insert your word here) so someone that understands could go along way.

 

Well since this is faceless and easy to open up with I might as well explain how alot of this started might feel better to let it out even if nobody reads it.

 

When i was 14 (now 21) my parents were killed in a car wreck after I distracted my father who was driving. After the crash I felt the need to tell my two brothers/sister that I blamed myself and explained why and they haven't spoken to me since and I guess I have also never stopped blaming myself and never grieved their death to me it is just "I killed them" (cold hearted I know) so I was placed into care and from there it just went downhill facing depression/suicide then moving onto major drug using to numb myself at about 16 slowly I started being numb even without the drugs which moved me into not caring about social events etc and after a while of that even when trying to be in public/outside came with panic and even in some cases violent outbursts to remove myself from those situations which over time took me in to the point I'm in now.

 

Such a small space of time yet so much changed pretty freaky for me to type that and read it to myself and see how fast things went downhill.

[itsallgrand]

Thanks for sharing some more about yourself. It's good to meet you.

 

You know what? I hope you keep posting here and hang around this forum for a bit. I think you'd make a good addition here, and I'm excited to get to know you better.

 

You've been through hell and back and you are here writing about it. So it's only a matter of time til you conquer this social anxiety, because you are clearly a toughie.

 

You may not have found the support you really needed before. It's so hard having to do things all alone. And you have some grieving to do, too. It must be so painful having to carry what you have for so long.

 

I'm just really glad you found us.

[shadowedsky]

I was amazed at how good it felt to get something out even if only writing it on a forum so I have a feeling a few more "ranty" posts might pop up from me while I try and do this

 

Thank you for your suggestion of the home care worker by the way been thinking about that and it could really improve my style of living so thank you so much for that simple idea.

[itsallgrand]

Hey, no problem, I'm glad I can help!

 

Rant away! That's what we're here for. And check out the place...there are a lot of very good people here (fun too).