Stress

[Gracelove]

I guess I am just the queen of stress. It seems like I keep getting more and more of it.

 

I have this friend who D-Bo-d me into doing a favor for her.

 

I, being the good friend that I am, went along with it. She is being totally rude and unaccomodating. And I am frustrated.

 

The girls at her church are supposed to learn a "praise dance". There was a woman who was to teach them.

 

The woman didn't show up for one of the practices and my friend asked me to keep them busy for an hour since the lady wasn't showing up.

I agreed, even though I'm not thrilled about it.

 

I get there and she announces to EVERYONE that I'm the new teacher, without even asking me.

 

So, I've spent my time and energy choreographing a dance for her, and she won't give me any time to teach it to the girls.

 

And while we've been having our 20-min. dance practices, she is pulling the girls out to do their parts in the play.

 

So basically it is one, big, fat, disorganized mess.

 

We spent hours discussing it, and got no where. She doesn't think it looks bad when 5 girls spin to the right and one spins to the left because they have had no time to practice.

 

She simply says, "It's church".

 

So that's a reason not to give them practice time? To send them up there looking crazy???

 

She spends 2 1/2 hours working on her "spoken word", and won't allow me 30 non-interrupted-minutes, to teach the girls a whole freakin dance routine.

 

It's frustrating, and it stresses me out. Espicially since she wants to tell the world that I'm the girls' dance teacher! Despite having had no decent amount of time to teach them anything!!!!

 

Anywho, I'm stressing here.

 

I was raised with a perfectionist, my mother. My friend had me in tears when she said she was going to tell everyone that I was responsible for teaching those girls the dance. And no matter how much I pleaded with her she wouldn't give me any rehearsal time.

 

Last week she promised me that we would have 7 dancers, that's it. Then tonight she makes it 9 dancers!!! I have choreographed a dance for 7, now 2 more girls have to be added.

 

My reputation is very important to me.

 

My friend keeps saying, "This is for God". And what, you aren't supposed to put any time and effort into something you are doing for God?!!!

Oh, if you are "doing it for God", it's okay for it to look like absolutely crap?!!!

 

I told her this, she just didn't get it.

 

I'm so frustrated and tired.

 

I try to be a good friend. I go above and beyond for my friends. But this one just totally doesn't appreciate my time, energy, or effort. I reallly regret doing this favor for her BIG TIME.

 

Okay, I get why I realllllllllllllllly hate this situation. I feel pressured. I felt pressured to do this favor for her. She didn't consider my feelings at all.

 

Why ask me to help you with one practice and then tell a room full of people that I'm in charge of that entire part of the program?

 

I hate that because I feel lied to, just like Ariel lied to me. And I feel pressured, just the way I felt pressured by Ariel.

 

I try to be a good friend, but some people don't deserve that you know? Some people take advantage of you wanting to be a good friend. And that is what this person is doing. And I don't like it one bit.

 

And I hate it because it's a habit I have. No matter how uncomfortable I feel, I end up making certain sacrifices for friends.

And it's almost second nature.

 

And why do I end up with these self-serving friends that only have their own agenda?

 

And it's not like most of my friends are like this. Only a few, and I hate it. It's like they don't go away.

Like this friend calls my house multiple times, every, freakin, day. EVERY SINGLE day. I don't know, I feel overwhelmed by this person completely.

 

This person is very headstrong. And I am working on trust, and I feel like this person is out for herself, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

 

I see right now that nothing comes before her own comfort. How am I suppose to deal with that? Should I just stop talking to her? That would be mean wouldn't it? But I don't think I can trust her.

 

This isn't the first time she has rubbed me the wrong way, and I think I should be worried. I am an extremely tolerant person and it takes a lot to get me feeling the way I am right now.

 

She just pressures me into things, and she uses guilt. I've noticed that. What am I supposed to do about it?

 

She said that if I don't come to the program, all of the work I've done to help her will go right out of the window. She is going to throw it all out. And on top of that I feel that she'll tell everyone I voluntarily backed out at the last minute.

 

Why would you waste my time like that if you are a friend. I've sacrificed so much to help her out, and she is threating to disregard it all if I don't come to the program. I feel that is blackmail. I never agreed to go to the program. I just don't trust her. I don't trust her at all any more.

 

I don't like feeling pressured to do things.

[Cuppedia]

Nobody likes being pressured or just thrown into a situation using lies, I think there are a couple of things you could do:

 

1. Talk to the group, don't use her anymore to arrange anything, the group (except her) must agree on ways to practice the dance, and if they don't like the idea you can then walk away.

 

2. If you simply don't see this working you have to talk to the girls (again, not your friend) directly, tell them you can't do your job because of the issues happening and inform them you weren't even asked to be the teacher in the first place.

 

If you feel this is going to be very bad for your reputation you can leave the position being honest but without causing trouble.

 

 

 

Now, your "friend", she clings to you because you she can, just leave her out of your life, tell her you don't like feeling pressured and you don't enjoy how she acts like she's trying to make you feel guilty, then stop talking.

She's not a good person, it doesn't matter how many nice things she says, her actions are damaging.

[Gracelove]

Hey There Cuppedia !!!

 

Thanks so very much for your advice and support.

 

Things are really good between my friend and I now. WHEW! Such a big relief. She acknowledged her wrong doing to a certain degree, and that was really nice.

 

When someone admits they hurt me, and are sincerely sorry, I tend to throw everything out of the window.

 

Thanks so very much again, for all of your support. I was really stressing out and severly depressed at the time, however things are better now.

 

I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

 

Sincerely,

 

Grace