Any tips on how I can get her back

[yo]

Hi All,

 

I am back again after a long time. I just love this forum and all you guys. If not for you guys, I would've never been where I am today.

 

Here's my story. I'll keep it as short as I can. I met her online. We instantly hit off, started emailing, then started calling and texting regularly. She lives in a different state btw. We finally met this Thanksgiving and things were magical. Things went well for a week after that..

 

Then suddenly she asked me not to call her or text her often. I agreed as we both were getting distracted. She said she'd call me whenever she was free and she would call me atleast once daily. Then she asked me to completely stop calling or texting her and just mail her whenever I wanted to talk to her. I was furious and hurt, but still I kept it cool and sent her a really really long mail saying how much I liked her and I really didn't like what she was doing.

 

She replied back with a looong mail saying that she got into this relationship really fast and now she thinks that I am not the right guy. After this I sent her a "hate" mail saying that I wasn't a door mat that she could use and dump whenever she wanted. Even she replied back with a hate mail. Then I thought maybe I was too harsh and apologized and said we should atleast be friends. She agreed to that and we ended good.

 

The next day I sent her a friendly hi email she doesn't reply. I texted her and still no reply. In panic I mailed her a "cheer up" card. Next day I called up. She didn't pick and I left a voicemail saying "I was sorry about the harsh email and that I didn't mean to hurt her". But, still no reply.

 

Guys, I am all muddled up in the head now. I did follow NC for three days. I gave in today and sent a friendly "Hi, Happy Holidays" text msg and I still don't get any reply. So, I am going back to NC again.

 

But, I really want to get her back..Any idea or help would be great..

 

Thanks a lot everyone!

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

I'm sorry but I don't think this is what you want to hear. She said she doesn't think you are the right guy for her, and you blew up at her and then apologized and now are harassing her with repeated emails, calls and messages.

 

I think you need to stop and actually listen to what she said, and respect it. It sounds like after she got a chance to meet you she realized this relationship just isn't what she wants.

 

Time to leave her alone, respect her wishes and move on.

[Clementine orange]

Yes, she needs her space right now. Give her the gift of missing you. Do nothing until Christmas and then send her a nice email saying you are thinking of her still and hope she is having a good christmas. Don't say anything about getting back together. No more "hate" stuff either.

[wiser]

As you now know, your reflexive response to send that hate email was the wrong thing to do, and you are probably beating yourself up over it.

 

That much said, it didn't make any difference in the long run.

 

She met another guy, and she is no longer interested in seeing you. Nothing you did, or are going to do, will change that.

 

You are in the shock and denial, and bargaining stage of grief, all rolled into one. You cannot accept that its over, and you will do anything to get her back.

 

Truth is, there is NOTHING you can do.

[Clementine orange]

 

Truth is, there is NOTHING you can do.

 

So thereforeeee doing nothing is probably your best bet at this point anyway.

 

There is no evidence that she has definitely met someone else. Regardless your strategy should be the same.

[wiser]

So thereforeeee doing nothing is probably your best bet at this point anyway.

 

There is no evidence that she has definitely met someone else. Regardless your strategy should be the same.

 

OOPS...

 

I admit I skimmed the OP...I thought she said she "got into a relationship really fast", and I took that to mean she met another dude.

 

She still might have, but as Clementine said, there is no evidence.

 

Regardless, give her time and space, and let her come back to you if she is going to.

[yo]

Thank you guys..

 

Truth is, there is NOTHING you can do.

 

I know there is nothing I can do at the moment. I had her once upon a time and now I don't.

 

But, things weren't like this when we started out. I was the one in control and she would constantly call me and text me and I was always there for her! She made me promise her that whatever happens we would not stop talking and whatever the problem was we would talk it out.

 

And now she's doing the exact same thing. She just refuses to talk. I left her a voicemail saying that I wanted a closure if she wasn't interested and that I just need to talk to her for 15 mins. She texted back asking me to mail whatever I had to say. That's when I sent the hate mail as I was really pissed for being treated soo badly after I took pains to make sure I never hurt her and had stood by her whenever she needed someone!

 

And now I hear from a common friend that she's talking to her ex bf again and that he might be visting her for christmas!!! She would always tell me that it was all over b/w her and her ex bf and that they were just friends now. I don't know if she's going back to him coz she doesn't have any other close friends or if she seriously wants to get back with him!!! If it's the second case, then all my chances of getting back with her are GONE

 

Also, I have done NC before. It just helped me heal but I never got back my exes. So, I am not sure if that's what I want to do. And I am sure she's definitely not missing me. So, will playing hard to get and doing NC help me in getting her back?

 

Thanks for hearing me out...

[rokston]

Also, I have done NC before. It just helped me heal but I never got back my exes. So, I am not sure if that's what I want to do. And I am sure she's definitely not missing me. So, will playing hard to get and doing NC help me in getting her back?

 

So sorry to be harsh but the plain truth is that it doesn't matter what you do in this situation. If you are sure she is NOT missing you then she is NOT coming back - fact!

 

You just have to accept that sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to.

 

I urge you to avoid coming accross like a stalker and to stop trying to contact her. If NC helped you heal in the past then use it to heal once again - not to play hard to get.

 

Best wishes!

[yo]

What I don't get is, how do people change so much all of a sudden!! Does all the love just disappear???

 

How is it soo easy for some women to love a man one day and the very next day stop loving this person and start loving her ex!!

 

I am really losing faith in love..feels like she just used me for her happiness and left me when she didn't need me...

 

Yes, I definitely don't want to come out looking desperate or even worse like a stalker..so I have started NC again..There is no way in hell that I am going to contact her now.

[rokston]

IMO, love is a word that is used too quickly sometimes and anyway it is always transient and not guaranteed forever.

 

Don't lose faith. There are ups and downs. On the bright side, it's better she realized you are not the right person for her now rather than after a 10yr marriage?!?!?

 

Stay strong, you'll feel better soon!!

[bustertypsy]

Yo,the best thing beyond doubt is to walk away from this situation.Unfortunately the amount of time you two shared physically in each others company was so short,that there isn't even the issue that if you leave her be,she will miss you.1 month in a LDR is probably equal to a couple of days of a normal relationship.A voice on the phone or an e mail just doesn't come close to the physical intimacy of a standard relationship.Realistically, you should be able to get over this girl in a matter of weeks.I an convinced if you keep trying to pressure her you will only turn her off you to the point where she'll despise you.If it ain't happening naturally,it ain't meant to be.

[yo]

IMO, love is a word that is used too quickly sometimes and anyway it is always transient and not guaranteed forever.

 

 

I really agree to that rokston.

 

But some people really touch you in a special way. I was in a LTR for 5 years and I didn't miss my ex as much as I am missing this girl whom I've known for a couple of months!

 

I just want to heal right now and forget about the whole thing forever. One thing that I have learnt from my past relationships is that when it's over, ITS DEFINITELY OVER. There is no going back. Here, somehow I thought I would give it another try. It didn't work out. So, I guess I'll just continue NC and move on...

[yo]

bustertypsy,

 

I don't think I am putting any pressure on her! Infact in all the voice mails and the text messages, all I have asked was - "If she was doing OK" or "good luck with your exams" etc..I have refrained from saying things like I miss you or love you etc.

 

Would such general messages make her despise me???

[rokston]

Would such general messages make her despise me???

 

Yes! Because she asked you to refrain from them! Also, you have been persistent even when ignored.

 

Given the circumstances it's transparent to her that you are looking for more than a friendly catch up. Hence "how are you doing?" probably makes her think "oh here we go... why is he bothering me again, doesn't he get the message?"

 

Sorry but not contacting her for now is best for you! As you said yourself!

[bustertypsy]

Yes! Because she asked you to refrain from them! Also, you have been persistent even when ignored.

 

Given the circumstances it's transparent to her that you are looking for more than a friendly catch up. Hence "how are you doing?" probably makes her think "oh here we go... why is he bothering me again, doesn't he get the message?"

 

Sorry but not contacting her for now is best for you! As you said yourself!

 

Agree,I know it must hurt terribly but for your own dignity just leave her be.The sad fact of life is you cannot make someone feel for you if the feelings are not there.Move on and give your love to someone who will reciprocate it back to you.

[yo]

But, is there anyway to get that magic back. I am NOT going to do anything right now..I just want to heal and become a better person.

 

Should I try to meet her in person maybe after a couple of months? Like just bump into her (I know I can't do that coz she lives in a different state!) or something similar? Would that be a good decision or will she still act cold and hostile and not talk to me like how she's acting now?

[Hope75]

I think that any messages from you when she asked you not to put pressure on her, so I would stop that now.

 

Also, I have done NC before. It just helped me heal but I never got back my exes. So, I am not sure if that's what I want to do. And I am sure she's definitely not missing me. So, will playing hard to get and doing NC help me in getting her back?

 

I don't think so. Someone who wants to come back and work it out is going to do so whether you stay in touch with them or not. The same with someone who does not want to come back, it won't matter what you do, they have already made up their mind.

 

This girl has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to be with you and isn't interested in any attempts to work things out.

 

I think you need to respect that decision and move on with your life. Why would you want to hold onto someone who doesn't want to be with you?

[yo]

I know the best thing to do is just move on. It's just the human psychology to want something that you cannot have.

 

We always keep saying - "If you want something, go get it"..If only that worked for love

[Hope75]

I know the best thing to do is just move on. It's just the human psychology to want something that you cannot have.

 

We always keep saying - "If you want something, go get it"..If only that worked for love

 

If course- but remember a healthy relationship has two willing participants and she isn't a willing participant so you have nothing.

 

You deserve someone that wants you back, and she's not it, so it's time to move on.