Does distance ever work?

[backsplash]

Has Anyone ever have any postive results in favor of the relationship due to no contact or "space"? Does space ever work in favor of the one who waits? Does distance and/or no contact ever works to get people back together?

 

My man, after a long period of arguing that was happening between us said he is emotionally hurt, anxious, and needs "distance" (he called it that) to find his way, clear his head, get his emitions back on track so he can "make the right decision." He also said his biggest worry is that if he comes back to the relationship we will be back in the same place. This to me was a request for no contact.

 

In the meantime, I'm going to try to work on myself, my growth, and my own emotions. But I can't help wondering if there is any chance that he will come back willing to try again?

[someguy88]

I think it really depends on the individual and what options they have available to them. The hard truth is that if the find someone 'better' then they'll dump you and be with them.

[CatsMeeoow]

There are sooo many variables so no one person can predict what will happen in your future.

 

What we can predict is that if he has asked for space and you don't give it then you certianly will create a situation where you will not get back together.

 

If he has asked for space then by all means give it. My ex wanted space as he was truly overwhelmed by so many life issues and I was just one more ingredient to deal with. I hadn't a clue what it all meant... I didn't end up hear until months too late. I just kept making myself to available and begging and pleading... I pushed him forever out of my life when if I could have just shown some self respect then I could have gotten him back.

 

I know it hurts and I know its hard but leave him be for some time.

 

There are lots of posts to go through for examples of the good and bad and lots of people hear to help you find your way through it.

 

Best Wishes

[Hope75]

I think as others have said, it all depends on how much damage has been done before you back off one another, and how much motivation each partner has to work on the relationship.

 

In my experience, many times a 'break' is a way of testing what it's like to be without your bf/gf and if that is what you really want. Sometimes the person wanting the break finds relief in the separation and decides to make it permanent, other times they find they really miss their partner and ask to come back and work things out.

 

What were you guys fighting about?

 

How long were you together?

[toshiba]

You know, I've done so much "trying to get them back" in past relationships and....it really doesn't work. Look at all the time people on here spend trying to get someone back and it just doesn't work...the dynamics of the relationship changes. Even if the two people get back together, it's just not the same. It's too bad some of us waste our time on it but I guess it's all part of the process.

 

It's more important to figure out why you want the person back after the fact, when you probably weren't having that great of time with them to begin with (either they were treating you badly or there weren't common interests, etc...)

 

It's possible that you have a feeling that it's evoking---other than the loss of that person---that might be driving you to reunite with them.

[backsplash]

HOPE75

I posted my story in "breaking up" but briefly, we were recently fighting about Christmas. Mainly the arguing has been due to my needy personality and his somewhat independene one, and him feeling like I wanted him to be at my beck and call. He says he is numb from feelings of inadequacy. But I have never seen my issues as clearly as I see them now. I don't know how I screwed this up when it seemed so right.

 

CBSHAWNY

I think you are right. I think I completely exhausted him.

[Hope75]

If you feel that you have a needy personality backsplash, than maybe that is something you need to work on regardless of whether this guy comes back or not. Being needy and clingy is never an attractive quality and can very often exhaust, suffocate, and ultimately drive away any prospective partners.

[CreoUCLA]

My ex is the needy one out of the two of us, although I did my best to hold on (crying, begging, rationalizing) for the first week and a half after she broke up with me (>5.5 year relationship). We were in a LDR over the past year, so the physical space was easy.

 

Keeping away from the e-mailing/texting was the harder part. One of us contacted each other every couple weeks, until I finally had enough back in November and told her not to contact me anymore. Since then she's sent me a b'day gift, texted me a few times, and recently (just the other day) sent me an e-mail begging me to see her "one last time" and called me (which I picked up).

 

So, definitely let go and move on... Take care of yourself, and let them take care of themselves. Get yourself back, and be happy once again. Who knows what the future holds, but you can only control the present.

 

While there is no "happy ending" to report, I will be meeting with my ex next week to show her how awesome I am without her.

 

-Mike-

[Muzatsu]

LDRs rarely work, trust me, I was in one.

[CreoUCLA]

LDRs rarely work, trust me, I was in one.

 

Well, it wasn't always a LDR, and it's only an hour plane ride between L.A. and S.F. Our first 2 years were together, then she moved up to S.F. (from L.A.) to start medical school. We were in a LDR for the 3rd year (although I flew up often - but now that I think about it we did fight a lot).

 

Then I moved up to S.F. to start graduate school and we were together for the 4th year. Now in our 5th year, she had moved back down to L.A. to start rotations. I was still in my graduate program here in S.F. so I couldn't move. Then she met someone new who could give her attention (and thus began her "grass is greener" thinking and she broke up with me at the end of Sept.)...

 

I'm moving back to L.A. in a couple months (I graduate tomorrow), and she couldn't wait. She needed the attention now. I even flew down every couple weeks while we've been apart (before we broke up), and I was even in L.A. for most of summer. So, it's definitely not me that hasn't tried to make the distance thing work...

 

Funny how now that I'm done and will be moving back down, she all of a sudden needs to see me and is saying things like "I feel like I messed up a good thing." She sure did!

 

-Mike-

[Leges39]

I don't know how I screwed this up when it seemed so right.

 

please, please, please Muz.... i blamed myself for years.... i don't know how many times i looked at calendars and thought,,, what did i do then that i could change or make better.... honestly, my ex simply did not want to be with me anymore and she cared about me so much she didn't want to rip my heart out... so, she slowly ripped it out by accident until my best friend told her to push me away and be mean to him... tell him the truth that you do not want to be with him and it is final... hence that is when i got the card from her that finally told me the truth... it didn't matter what i did prior to her leaving me... it was just not meant to be.. my current gf loves me very much and those same things i thought the ex hated are embraced by her... never, ever blame yourself or try to figure out when or where you went wrong, because you didn't... if your not a good match, your not. end of story.

[Leges39]

and to answer your question about space..... i will tell you right now...any guy looking for "space" is opening the door just enough for another girl to fit into that space. then, just to keep himself safe, he will be humoring you just enough to keep you around incase he fails.