I feel unloved...and unable to love

[fivespot]

I'm in a pretty bad state right now. I can't exactly pinpoint what brought me to where I am right now. I guess the most hurtful thing that happened to me recently was that my girlfriend told me she never loved me. I took that especially hard, but now, while I'm digesting that, it made me take a good hard look at other parts of my life.

 

And though I've been dealing with this for years, I start to wonder about myself. I have absolutely no relationship with my sister at all. She's so miserable whenever she's around me. She only used to talk to me when she needed help with her homework. But now that she's graduated from college, we just don't talk at all anymore. I tried being nice and friendly to her so many times but she constantly treats me like crap!

 

Then I look at my friends...I have none. Well, I do, but they all live far away. Now that I'm out of college going on 5 years, it's tough because everyone else seems to be moving on with their life. I haven't had a best friend since jr. high school, besides my ex.

 

Then I look at my parents. Both worked very hard when me and my sister were younger. Neither of them were ever really home when I was growing up. In fact, my mother is still a workaholic. I know they were just trying to provide for their family, and I feel really horrible saying this, but I feel this is where some of my abandonment issues stem from.

 

My ex said I was too clingy, and as I look back on it now, I can see it--I was so afrad she'd abandon me during the relationship.

 

Anyway, all this soul searching has made me realize I'm becoming really selfish. I'm starting to not care about anyone but myself. I'm afraid I'm turning into a bad person because I feel unloved. I don't treat my parents the way they deserve, and yet part of me doesn't care that I treat them badly.

 

I don't know what's happening to me...I never used to be like this and I'm afraid of what I'm turning into.

 

Please, I'd appreciate it if someone could offer some advice.

[fivespot]

Guess i'm not feeling the love too much on here either. That's ok...I'm used to it lol!

[someguy88]

hey, I can relate once again. I do feel that I can love, but I feel as though I'm more selfish than I should be. I can be clingy sometimes but not in a terrible way. If I'm really into someone I want more than anything for them to know that I'm in their corner. However, I can be manipulative if I'm not totally gaga over someone because I'm so insecure...not sure if that makes sense.

[itsallgrand]

Sounds like you have some mending to do.

 

There are some festering relationships here, causing you pain, why not go and give a shot at healing them up?

 

Love is action. Not necessarily feeling gooey inside. It's ok to not feel very loving inside or to people all the time, but what counts is what you do. You can still act out of love even when you aren't particularly feeling it. Actually, that is when it really matters.

 

I know from experience that if you reach out and try to bring some peace to some of these old places that you will get a surge of loving feeling. You will feel good about yourself because you are doing something for these people you clearly care about...and bringing back love for yourself.

 

You could start with your mom...your sister..a friend...

[fivespot]

Sure, it makes perfect sense, someguy! A big problem with my ex was that she said I was clingy...but here's the thing: I only started acting clingy as a REACTION to her pulling away! That's what I don't get about the relationship. I was always trying to patch things up. I was always taking the high road and calling her after she hung up after a fight. Things like that...

 

But all our problems started when would say something to hurt me, or do something to MAKE me feel insecure. She would go to parties and not invite me...she'd stay over people's houses (during these parties) and not call me for a few days. And she'd get mad when I'd say something about it.

 

And when I was with her, I never really cared about all these other problems in my life. But now that she's gone, I look at how screwed up my life really has become and it makes me worry even more.

 

And aside from the fact that I need to LEARN to love and trust another girl again, I feel like this love that I DON'T feel is making me lazy and unwilling to want to love.

 

I dont' know...it's screwed up and I can't really explain it.

[someguy88]

Sounds like you have some mending to do.

 

There are some festering relationships here, causing you pain, why not go and give a shot at healing them up?

 

Love is action. Not necessarily feeling gooey inside. It's ok to not feel very loving inside or to people all the time, but what counts is what you do. You can still act out of love even when you aren't particularly feeling it. Actually, that is when it really matters.

 

I know from experience that if you reach out and try to bring some peace to some of these old places that you will get a surge of loving feeling. You will feel good about yourself because you are doing something for these people you clearly care about...and bringing back love for yourself.

 

You could start with your mom...your sister..a friend...

 

Wow! That's some pretty darn good advice. Seriously, lately I've been being more loving to the people I care about and I've found tremendous satisfaction in that and I feel better about myself.

 

Thanks

[someguy88]

Wow! I could've written those words myself. The fact that you put the word 'reaction' in uppercase really hits home for me because I too do things as a reaction. I've fallen into the traps time and again, yet now I'm so guarded that even genuine things can feel like traps.

[fivespot]

itsallgrand, that is really good advice!

[Madman22]

My advice? Your having a really * * * * hell of a day!!

 

Tomorrow wont be as bad, the next day will be even better.

 

You will learn to love again, you will trust again, you will fall completely and madly head over heels for someone again. Just be patient, and trust that your world will look after you.........coz it will!

[Altruist]

Try to make an effort to communicate with and cherish your loved ones even when you are in a relationship. Rekindle your past friendships and make sure that there are other people that are important to you. If you isolate yourself and spend all of your time with your girlfriend then there is a very big chance that you will become clingy, which will drive her away.