Why don't people get it?

[learningtofly]

Well I have a slight problem. My mother's entire side of the family (all nine siblings, each of them has at least two kids... you do the math) is from northern Montana (i.e. the most conservative place in the world.) To top it off all of them are Roman Catholic. Also I attend Catholic High School. I have a cousin (Nickie) she’s either the oldest or second oldest of my cousins who is openly lesbian… I was recently at a family reunion for my grandma’s 80th birthday, when a different cousin starts spouting off about how, “Oh if my kids were gay I’d work it outta’ em’.” All I could do is sit there an think of how much of an ignorant cow she was being. I’m not really out to anyone but my dad and step mom, and living in Montana (the southern half thank God!!!) is really difficult. I’m just wondering, why don’t people get it? It’s like one avatar I’ve seen around, “I’m gay. Don’t worry, it’s not contagious.” Can anyone offer any help?

[wiser]

I don't get it. Honestly.

[definitely_maybe]

It's not one of the things they taught me about in school. My parents never sat me down and told me about gays and lesbians. I think a big part of the problem, is that people don't know any of the facts, and hence make assumptions, which are often negative.

[that.girl]

people are just ignorant and intolerant. . .I dont really understand it so I avoid such things. . .Only I and my boyfriend (and of course the people i've been with) know I'm bi. . .if I told my family they would just be all "grrr" about it so yea. . .There is no way to make people understand . . .

[CarnelianButterfly]

Some people are taught that homosexuality is wrong from birth, some believe it, others see through it.

 

I don't get it either, some of my good friends are gay, I love them, they are great people. Nothing about them is wrong.

[tommy_bud]

I never really formed much of an opinion about whether you are born gay or not (because nobody ever taught me either) until highschool when one of my good friends decides to come out. I had no clue. It didn't necessarily change the way I felt about the dude, but he changed quite a bit after that and ended up moving away. He is now married to his SO and the last time I saw them I swear I haven't seen such a compatible and happy couple before.

 

I think there are varying degrees to homosexuality with definite cases where the person actually chose to be one way or another, but for most gay people I personally believe that is the way they were wired from birth.

 

In a mob mentality where the majority is against even considering the possibility that it is a natural state, all you can do is nod with the group or you will end up outcast yourself. Stupid mobs.

[RayKay]

All I can say is that often until you are around people whom think differently, you really believe what you are taught as the only "truth". People often "fear" what they don't understand.

 

The cousin whom said she would "beat it out of them" obviously has very little understanding of what it is to be gay and it's not something you just decide one day, and can renege on the next.

 

My brother is gay and while my family itself was amazing about it all when he came out; I know others weren't so much which is why he took so long to come out in the first place.

 

You can't force them to be more tolerant, but maybe once you have come out (when you are ready of course) they will realize that being gay is not a disease and not indicative of anything being "wrong" and maybe at least they will stop being so openly prejudiced at least in your company, even if they have not changed their views.

[lukeb]

homophobia : A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of homosexuality. What do you think that means? What is it that you don't get? Are you trying to understand the irrational part?

 

I have some theories:

 

Obviously the first thing that comes to mind to a homophobe, is two guys and anal sex. Possibly the thought that a guy could be on the receiving end is very disturbing to them, because they see the male sex as the dominant sex. Possibly two lesbians could be seen as a "we don't need you" kind of thing. Also a threat to they idea of male dominance.

 

But when it is all said and done, it boils down to fear, fear on many different levels.

[itsallgrand]

I was thinking about this recently. As, a certain cousin of mine has been advised not to bring his boyfriend to Christmas on the one side of my family.

 

Same deal. There is a strong Roman Catholic upbringing, and the reason he has been asked by his father so as not to upset the older generation. Very large, traditional family there.

 

To me, it is sad. But they don't get it. Why? Man, could beat our heads against the wall all day about it. No good answers for that. They simply can't/won't accept it.

 

My cousin would be disowned from his grandparents if he were to be open and bring his boyfriend. Obviously it is his choice what to do : but I see the sense of both sides (to be open with them, to leave that part aside at this particular event).

 

This is the way I personally look at it: They know, but they pretend not to know, they want him to pretend that it isn't happening. It's a "let's pretend" line of thinking, let's hide people and problems away.

The way conflict is "resolved" (that's a laugh) in that family is much the same...so it doesn't just go for those who happen to be gay.

 

They want to love him but they don't want their way of thought/beliefs challenged. That is pretty darn human.