Now what?

[buckdawg]

Basicaly my wife told me today that I'm not her soulmate and she doesn't think I ever will be. She was being gentle but I know it's over. I guess I knew this could happen but the full force of it is devastating.

 

Now what do i do?

[wiser]

Circle the wagons. Protect your assets in any way you can, get a good attorney, and fight.

[buckdawg]

nah...lol it isn't going to be like...i hope.

[wiser]

Do you have significant assets?

 

Is she willing to move out of the house and leave it to you?

[buckdawg]

nothing of significance. there's really nothing to come after me for lol

[thinkstoohard]

Basicaly my wife told me today that I'm not her soulmate and she doesn't think I ever will be. She was being gentle but I know it's over. I guess I knew this could happen but the full force of it is devastating.

 

Now what do i do?

 

bd, I am so sorry. I know you have been hanging on hoping that this wouldn't be the outcome.

 

It sounds like she has made up her mind. The best advice I can give right now is to begin protecting your heart. Fully accept that it's over and begin healing. It sucks, I know.

 

Know that there are many people that love you, including us here on eNA, and use that love to push you into the future and try to start moving away from the past.

[wiser]

Do you have children?

[buckdawg]

bd, I am so sorry. I know you have been hanging on hoping that this wouldn't be the outcome.

 

It sounds like she has made up her mind. The best advice I can give right now is to begin protecting your heart. Fully accept that it's over and begin healing. It sucks, I know.

 

Know that there are many people that love you, including us here on eNA, and use that love to push you into the future and try to start moving away from the past.

 

thanks man. i really appreciate it.

 

Do you have children?

 

two stepdaughters that i basically raised for the past ten years. and a son and daughter.

[AutumnBorn]

I'm sorry about this, but don't listen to people who tell you to get a good attorney and make sure she gets nothing. The attorney will get it all and the kids will suffer. Be a man and do the right thing, not the vindictive thing.

 

She just might come around, given time. Have you been to counseling? It's helped me tremendously (not that it fixed anything). It's given me a great deal of perspective and my anger is now gone. I recommend it, with or without your wife.

[buckdawg]

I'm not getting an attorney. We talked last night and we're not running out and divorcing just yet. I'm not a vindictive person and I want what's best for the kids.

 

I've never been this hearbroken before in my whole life. I'm devastated.

[CatsMeeoow]

ughhh... been there and done that...

 

it hurt for a very long time...

 

it's best to focous on where you see yourself and your kids now and spend that energy you were using with your wife on them and you...

 

I can sympathize where you are at... The divorce will be painful but I can say having your kids will make it a lot more bareable.

[Clabs]

Hey buckdawg

 

Fella - I am so sorry for your pain and I just hope that you take a bit of comfort from the support you are getting on here. I have been donw the $hitty street you are at now and I know just how unpleasnt it is.

 

Take comfort from your children mate - focus on them for the time being. They will be of great comfort to you. I hope your wife is reasonable about you seeing them - I had to fight to see mine.

 

You are wise to use lawyers as little as possible. My ex and I ran up costs of $120k - ridiculous, and didn't benefit either of us.

 

Take care mate - come back on here for some love and support - a lot of people care about you on here.

 

Mark

[buckdawg]

thanks for all the words of kindness and hope. i just feel so utterly desperate right now. i know that i will move past this in time but that doesn't stop the pain. she was the love of my life.

 

regarding the children, there is no issue whatsoever with me having them as much as i like. i am thankful for that having been through a messy divorce as a child. they actually are taking it pretty well and i think it's because we're handling it so well.

[Clabs]

Fella - it does hurt and I feel your pain.

 

It is great that your ex is not making access to your kids an issue. As I say - focus on them right now - they will be your saviour in your time of need.

 

I cannot say muchmore but I klnow where you are at and where your hurting is right now. Give it time fella - time is your friend.

 

Mark

[wiser]

regarding the children, there is no issue whatsoever with me having them as much as i like. i am thankful for that having been through a messy divorce as a child. they actually are taking it pretty well and i think it's because we're handling it so well.

 

The support is the remaining issue. The problem is that it is going to come down to money at some point. She is going to expect support from you, for the children, and maybe even for her. That's where it may get a little dicey.

[buckdawg]

The support is the remaining issue. The problem is that it is going to come down to money at some point. She is going to expect support from you, for the children, and maybe even for her. That's where it may get a little dicey.

 

we've already decided on a settlement, one that i think we're both happy with. i've been depositing the money into her account every payday.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

Sorry to hear about that. I think you should move forward without looking back. It will be tough--you will have weak points--but you will be stronger in the end. You will eventually adapt to this change, and find what makes you happy again.

There. Hope that helped?

 

 

Best,

 

Fruitylips1

[WaterIsLife]

Hey buckdawg,

 

Just saw this post. I'm so sorry for you man.

 

Its amazing how such things can happen amidst such profound personal growth, huh? You really were, and are, growing. I know this from your other posts. You've probably grown in ways you never ever before knew were possible.

 

This was a dress rehearsal, my friend. I know thats not a very comforting thought right now. But you've got it in you now. You know, that thing that you can't quite put your finger on? You've sort of got this life thingy kinda figured out.

 

Didn't know that did you? You do.

[buckdawg]

thank you.

 

it's all helped...a lot.

 

i feel much more stable now, i don't feel like i'm going to break down in tears at the drop of a hat anymore. that's a good thing i think

 

just to give an update. i'm not doing the NC/LC thing. she was my wife for nearly ten years and to not communicate with her seems to be a disservice to our relationship. there were rocky times of course but there were many many happy times as well. i'm going to remain friendly with her not to win her back or anything but because it's what i want to do. i don't want bitterness or anger in my heart and going LC with her would lead to that i think. that's just me of course, all our situations are unique.

 

i actually bit the bullet and joined the gym today. i'm quite excited about it. i've done it in the past with pretty good results and it gets me off my butt and doing something. joined a club i found @ link removed (thank you ren..i think ) and i plan on just getting out and about more.

 

right now, i'm focusing on me and my kids and it feels pretty good right now. i need to visit my brother more and reconnect with some old friends. i don't feel hopeless but i am kinda scared of the unknown. it's natural so i'm not too stressed about it.

 

thanks to everyone here for putting up with my blabbering (stick around i'm sure there will be more ) you guys rock!!!

[Clabs]

Hey Buck!

 

Fella - I am so glad you are feeling a bit better about all of this.

 

You are doing the right things - focussing on your kids - focussing on you - the gym is good!

 

Once you let go of things and start doing things for you, it makes it all so much easier. Yup - the future and it's uncertainty can be scarry - but a different kind of scary if you are in a positive frame of mind - exciting rather than daunting.

 

Blabber all you like mate - I like your blabbering - especially when it is upbeat like this!

 

Mark