we broke up because I was with someone else

[k8s]

Hello I need some other perspectives from al the wonderful people on the board-my guy of 4 months and I have just finished. Over the 4 months we spent every day together - however he maybe stayed over at the most 5 or 6 times we maybe had sex only 7-10 times if that (of which it was never about me). We fought a lot nearly ended it several times but knew we wanted to stay together.

 

I had asked him for a relationship several times he said he wasn't ready or didn't know what he wanted - he wanted to be able to do whatever he wanted, but we were in a pattern of a relationship-he would come over whenever he wanted (he had keys) without calling first, we were exclusive without saying it (he would sometimes insinuate if he did something I wouldnt know) but also insinuate he was faithful - I made it clear I was. He would go out every weekend and drink a lot until all hours, sometimes even flirt or get the attention of girls however he was always 100% faithful. He would come over the next day hung over after being out and not much use in general except to lie around, I would make food etc. His crazy ex would call a lot and he would answer it (but be mean to her), girls would text him a lot I hated all of it.

 

Things sort of felt a bit wrong but we made wonderful company to each other and I felt something special for him like I should wait until he could be ready to decide what he wanted, and maybe change hs ways a little. I did so much for him to the point where I felt I did too much and at times he took advantage of it and had many a fight/conversation about it and I would pull back he would say I was mean to him. At times he agreed he took advantage, but he had some troubles so I tried to make his life a bit easier (mostly financial and some ex stuff). He would call me an Indian Giver sometimes because I gave things and tried to show him how much I did for him not getting anything in return (nothing- not even a hug or kiss cos he "is not like that" not even cook a meal for me).

 

The last weekend we were being lazy from working the night before - he went to sleep on the couch I was lying in bed by myself wondering why he couldn't lie next to me and sleep - I even caled out to ask not sure if he heard, I then went and touched him on the back of the neck to ask him and he got really mad at me. I lay there wondering why he wouldnt sleep next to me, later I asked so nicely for him to come and stay after he had been out - he said "I might come past" I knew he wouldnt. I felt like I was not wanted, and that it felt wrong or that it shouldn't be like that.

 

That night I went out with my friends to do my own thing (I had never even LOOKED at another guy I was so wrapped in this one). I bumped into a guy I dated once before him - we had hit it off when we met to the point where it was a bit magic we went on a "date" that went downhill and was awful and that was the end of that even though I asked for a second chance. It really hit me hard the rejection, and I knew he should have given it a second chance just to be sure as it had been so wonderful with calls and texts prior.

 

This guy told me how stupid he was and couldn't believe he had said no to a 2nd date as our connection was just as incredible this night- so much so before I knew it I went home with him as he was saying things to me I had needed to hear in the last 4 months, he was sensual and honest about his feelings. The sex was incredible I had never had sex with my new guy like this-being kissed, all about me etc.

 

The next day I met up with my guy and started a fight saying my needs werent being met and I wanted to see other people or he had to meet my needs more (physical and emotional), I was concerned I could have an experience like that and be with someone else, he was drunk still at 7am lying around and I was a little put off. I didn't tell him what happened but was mean because I was sick of having to ask to want to sleep next to me, have sex - he said we had had no time-I said we could have made time he told me I was being stupid that over sex I was being like that. The next day he said he wanted to be friends cos he didn't like ultimatums - I told him what happened.

 

That was it he ended it because I slept with someone else - question-if I wasn't in a relationship and really tried to ask for him to stay more or have sex more did I do the wrong thing? I did everything for him and now he says he cared but he doesnt now - we will never be back together because I was with someone else- however he wil lbe friends with me because we weren't in a relationship (we also have a lot of work stuff together). He says he would never be able to trust me but i would NEVER cheat if he was my boyfriend or give me a little bit more.

 

Now I realize I loved him a little perhaps and I miss him terribly-but I still would have not taken back the evening. (the other guy has gone back overseas and may not be able to come back due to visa issues - I heard from him for a full day but nothing after that and he goes today)... Im so confused did I cheat or not - is it fair for him to draw the line and be hurt like I hurt him intentionally? He wont listen to exactly how it happened that I dont blame him but I wish I could make him understand not wanting to beg to be with me sometimes but I care so much for him.

[annie24]

i kind of stopped reading halfway through. this guy was a jerk, and he never cared about you at all, sorry he just used and abused you. that said, i'm glad you met some other guy, and who cares if the relationship broke up? better off without him!!! get your housekeys back and delete him from your cell phone.

[rebirth]

You did the right thing. Technically you did not even cheat. It was not a relationship at all between you both. You were not receiving what you need and he was not responding to them or to your efforts for establishing communication. Good that you showed to yourself what is out there. Get rid of that abusive guy and move on.