twin babies! & sex with ex

[smeex]

okey, okey...

that must be a nightmare...[-o

a terrible nightmare.. oh yes

i am awake finally....

 

today has been the the worst day that made me feel so terrible since august.. my ex-gf dumped me and got together with another guy just a few days prior to our long-waited meeting.. And she was the one who cheated before that and got forgiven by me..

 

well NC since June.. and I stopped everything about her like thinking her, looking at her online profiles, spaces etc..

 

during these long months, she called me once to hear my voice but didnt speak.. later on, it was her birthday, and i didnt text or call or did anything.. for me this was a success.. cos she was my first and though love but I got hurt very badly by her using my love..

 

anyways.. it was my birthday on Dec 1st. and she sent an email trough her friends account saying happy birthday and asking how i was.. and kisses.. from herself and her friend...

I didnt reply of course. Because she is still an evil for me, i think. and she deserves nothing from me. so folks, here is my first question, do you think its alright that i didnt say anything back to her email? i did nothing..

 

second thing, Last night, i gathered some strength and looked at her profile and what she was doing.. but promising myself to not hook up at any emotional gribs! it was ok. I just saw that she went to see her new bf on the holiday we planned for us for November. and saw nothig special about her love life for these days.. BUT..

 

when i slept, i woke up with a terrible nightmare. in it, I see her in a room in a diferent place. she has twin babies around her hotel bed. and they are MY BABIES!!.. I feel terrible then, i want to touch my babies. I want to hug them. But as I promised myself not to give her any pleasure of talking or even seeing me, I disguised as a distant friend of her, and went to see babies. and I touch my babies.. I get to cry nearly.. then I guess she recognises me but pretending it ws not me. after then, she seduced my mind and we had sex there.. I regret that later...

 

but then I woke up! thanking god it was not real. but that dream made me feel very bad the whole day.. Because once it was like she was pregnant and went to doctor in april. but then the tests shoed shew was not. she was happy but I was not happy at all!!.. so I think I lived a shock of memories by doing a foolish thing with looking at her profile and space?

 

what do you think?

[-BK-]

First of all, the dream was just a dream... but I'm about 99% sure that it was spurred by you visiting her online profile. I had a bad dream about me and my ex a few weeks ago and it was horrible when I woke up. The good news is that after that day, I didn't have that dream again. I've had one or two other dreams, but they have gone away and I'm starting to dream about other stuff, which is GREAT! I can't even remember what some of my dreams are, but I know I wake up feeling OK and that's better than the alternative.

 

As for the birthday e-mail you got from her, I think you did the absolute right thing. First, she wasn't woman enough to even e-mail you from her account -- it's cowardly. Second, she didn't really want to talk to you about anything serious. She just thought of you on your birthday. That was nice, but not worth breaking NC.

 

You need to brush all this off as a "blip" in your recovery process and get on with your life again. You're much farther along than most of us, so be thankful and use the strength you've built.

[smeex]

Yes I am thankful, and I am really very happy I am getting over with her. I say I am still doing cos I still miss the great love I was imagining and the days we spent.. But at the end, I remember she was not worth of even a bit of effort I have done for her.

 

NC helped a lot. Its been nearly 6 months.. It was very hard at first two months becuase i was looking miserable, moody, sad, and very skinny cos of not eating much and suffering from being dumped as a surprise, plus missing everything with her..

 

Now I think I think broader and i think i am now stronger.

 

as you said, maybe they all spurred from having a visit to her space. as for the babies, in april, i was so excited but later got disappointed as she did disappoint me in everything..

 

and yes, maybe she looks coward with sending me email through her friend email and speaking through her mouth, but i think its just because she knows how bad and guilty she is and couldnt dare send me an email directly..

[smeex]

well, looks like noone has any thoughts to contribute..

thanks anyway

[escritoramel]

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