I'm BIPOLAR. Should I tell a NEW girl? WIll any girl like me???

[bluehazey]

I'm using my sisters account here....

 

I just met a girl online. We havent met in person yet. I am afraid to even get involved because I am depressed and have bipolar disorder. I take various medications and and worried that once I tell ANY girl about my mental issues, she will dump me.

 

How do i deal with this?

[love4life]

My ex was medicated for manic-depression. He told me all of it (including his episodes and trips to mental hospitals) and I will admit that it freaked me out at first (though I didn't tell him so), but I made a decision that since nothing was jumping out at me at the time, I'd just keep aware of it. In the end, he dumped me out-of-the-blue.

[cheekychic]

if a girl likes you enough then it wont be a problem at all.

if it does put someone off then they are not worth it anyway

 

it wouldnt put me off if i met someone and they told me that

[Siriana]

Hm.....in my opinion telling the truth when you meet her is the right thing.

Hiding something like that wouldn't be fair.

On the other hand i am not having the same problem so I am not sure how fast you should tell her - immediately, in case you two choose to date....

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

no. i dont think its much of an issue to tell someone about unless they ask.

[bluehazey]

HOW do i tell them?

[bluehazey]

how long do i wait

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, I don't think it is something you should tell on a first date. On a first date you want to see if the two of you even click. I think it should be told only when there is talk about taking it from the dating level to an actual relationship.

[bluehazey]

would it be better to be in a relationship with someone as sick as me?

[love4life]

My ex told me after 4-6 weeks. We were snuggling. I don't remember what we were talking about but then he said, "Well, I guess I should just tell you." And he launched into it for about an hour or so. It was a lot to digest so I just asked, "Do I have to respond right now? That's a lot that I need to let sink in."

[JeckyllNHyde]

I say wait till things get a bit serious. During the dating fase. Say after 6 dates or so. (just an example)

[Siriana]

I don't know, if I were her I would like to know right away - especcialy before really dating seriously.

On the other hand if you managed to got to know each other online well before meeting in person (like talked for few months) than you need to tell her sooner.

[love4life]

I don't know, if I were her I would like to know right away.

 

I don't think this is the best route. That's almost like telling someone "I love you" after 5 dates. It's just too soon. Don't forget that you need to maintain some self-preservation, too.

 

bluehazey, you need to feel that she's someone you can trust and once you feel that, you'll know you're ready to open up to her. Just take your time, and don't rush anything.

[Miss Firecracker]

I would keep it to myself unless the relationship is starting to be serious.

 

How is your sister doing?

[JeckyllNHyde]

I see what you mean Siriana.

I guess it depends. If like love4life said, her ex just dumper her out the blue and it was related to the bipolar issue, then yea, it is something the other person needs to know, that it may cause issues if a relationship where to start.

[bluehazey]

many people from different cultures dont understand depression and mental illness!

[JeckyllNHyde]

what are the things which scare you most about entering into something with a girl? (which are related to your bi polar disorder).

Like what threats do you feel it poses.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

many people from different cultures dont understand depression and mental illness!

 

 

Lots of people don't understand it, but then again lots of people do. I have met so many people with mental health issues, personality disorders etc that I actually think it is rather more common than not. I have noticed that a lot of people are quick to judge someone and yet it is often the pot calling the kettle black. People don't do the self-work to see that they often have major issues and even mental health issues or personality disorders but are quick to criticize someone else while viewing themselves as above reproach.

 

I think that this kind of thing is best to talk about once you really have a rapport with someone...not on a first date where you don't know where things will go anyway.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Coming from someone whose life was totally crushed a few years ago by a girl who was bipolar, you should tell the person when you are comfortable, but this should not be held off for too long.

 

Honestly, if you feel like things are moving from dating --> relationship, the person needs to know at that point. A relationship where one person is bipolar can be very challenging. Your SO will most probably not understand your mood swings, etc, and may think something else is going wrong. You should be upfront about this. Most people have heard the term bipolar, but they NO IDEA about what it means.

 

The most important thing you can do is stay on your medication and stay in therapy. I'm not trying to lecture you, and I know I'm not a professional, but relationships require for stability. Thus, the best thing that you can do is ensure that you are stable.

 

Relationships are challenging otherwise, and any additional instability makes it very difficult. Statistics show that relationships where one person is bipolar are 90% likely to fail. Compare that to the 50% divorce rate in this country, and I don't think many people would be willing to take a chance when they know the chance of failure is double the norm today.

 

In summary, be responsible about your treatment. Be upfront with your partner and make this person aware of the risks and challenges ahead. Work TOGETHER as PARTNERS to make it work, if you choose to go in that direction. Don't blame your partner for your moodwings or other problems, which is a mistake that many people with mental illnesses make. I have experienced and seen it time and time again. My ex was "famous" for telling me, "You make me this way."

 

I wish you only the best of luck.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You are so right. The person who has the mental illness or personality disorder has to take responsibility for managing it so that it doesn't have drastic consequences for himself/herself and those around him/her. In a physical illness or disease people don't say..."your gave me diabetes", "you gave me high blood pressure" so people dealing with mental illness or personality disorders should not be blaming others...they should do what it takes to keep their symptoms under control like people would do with a physical ailment.

[someguy88]

I don't think you have to tell anyone if you don't want to. Granted if I were bipolar I would probably tell the other person when the relationship got serious.

[Siriana]

many people from different cultures dont understand depression and mental illness!

 

Hm...it's really not about culture - it's more about the person.

are you worried she won't understand because she's from diff culture?

 

 

I understand that saying it right away is not the best route for the person who has that kind of depression.

But of course i would like to know right away if the person i was dating was having such problems.

I guess it's a conflict of interest here (well...I don't know how to phrase it better)

Now, i didn't mean to say you should say it on the first date but if the dating is getting serious and there is some potential to make something long term I would say as soon I get that feeling we're going in the right direction.

The longer you wait, harder it gets.

 

From the viewpoint of a person who is on the receiving end of such news I would prefer to be informed on time - but thats because i wouldn't be able to date a person who's bipolar since I would be afraid it could put much weight and difficulty on the relationship (please don't find this insulting, it's just my own personal criteria)

So investing a lot of emotions and even falling in love and than finding something like that would be heart braking for me.

 

But it goes both ways - if the one who needs to say that to the other person waits for too long (to the point when emotions are already 100% in) than a decision not to continue a relationship from the other side is also going to be heart braking.

[v8vachon]

I don't think you have to tell anyone if you don't want to. Granted if I were bipolar I would probably tell the other person when the relationship got serious.

 

I agree with the above advice 150%....It's no one's business until you actually start becoming serious. By then you have given the person a chance to get to know the good side of you and she may not be so frightenned by the facts.

[Miss Firecracker]

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[wiser]

No, you shouldnt come right out and say you are bipolar. People have different understandings of the term, and most will be scared away.

 

Speaking as someone who has been told by a therapist that they probably have elements of Bipolar, along with some other fun things, I can tell you that the best way to handle it is to leave the subject alone until things develop.

 

Then you can start to confide and let them know that you tend to have periods of ups and downs, and it has been suggested that you might have bipolar tendencies. Thats not a lie. Just because a medical professional has "diagnosed you as bipolar" does not make it fact.