Shy in bed especially with recieving

[wildswan]

For a year and a half I was going out with quite a shy guy.We lost our virginities to each other but he would never go down on me. I know this was not something to do with me ( I always make a special effort in terms of hair removal and being VERY clean) , he just said that the thought of it made him feel sick. I always found this very upsetting as I was always very generous in bed. We broke up for different reasons and now several months later , I find myself starting out in a relationship with someone I feel much more compatible with.But whenever he tries to go down on me I just freeze up and push him away. It's come to the point where I'm too shy in bed to give him any direction on how to make the experience good for me at all. I feel I can't enjoy any of the things he does for me in bed. I've never received oral sex and I feel im really missing out! How can I get over my shyness?Please help, I'm an outgoing, fun loving person by nature but the second I get in to the bedroom my self confidence just evaporates!

[Censored]

Hi wildswan,

 

Sometimes the only way to get over this sort of shyness, which is almost extreme modesty is to simply bite the bullet and throw caution to the wind.

 

It can be a little like getting a needle.If none of us ever HAD to get one we wouldn't. Although obviously this will not be painful.

I think your ex may have given you a bit of a complex about yourself down their, particularly by using words such as it made him feel "sick".

 

If i were you, i would simply close my eyes and just let it happen, it is the first time that will be the hardest. Don't concentrate on what is ABOUT to happen, just let it happen.

 

He will LOVE the fact that you trust him enough to let him put his mouth and tongue down there. It will be such a turn on FOR HIM. Don't forget that side of it. Guys get incredibly turned on when they can taste and smell their lover.

 

Try not build up to it, as this also creates anticipation which can then create anxiousness. Be spontaneous, when he goes for the dive, just LET IT GO and let him do whatever he wants. TRUST ME, YOU WILL be blown away. I can guarantee that within a short while you will be grabbing his head and grinding him into you. You will LOSE your inhibitions after the ice is broken.

 

After that you will be aching for the anticipation. Jyst make sure you give him a break everynow and then

Hope that helps a little.

[rokston]

well, i hope it helps you to know that this is a common problem among women!!!

 

i have dated several girls who were really outgoing and adventurous but when it came to going down on them, they felt uncomfortable and uneasy about it. the issue seemed to center around them thinking that i feel disgusting doing it - completely opposite to the truth, since i find it a real turn on.

 

you have to ask you partner to be patient. certainly he should not try it every time you are in bed because that will escalate the issue. since you feel nervous about it he should pick a moment when there is lots of passion and it is easy for both of you to get carried away so that you don't concentrate on it but just go with the flow.

 

you could also try doing it at the same time so that you are concentrating on him rather than on what he's doing to you. it might take some of your nervousness away.

 

anyway, you can have lots of great sex without it so try not to be overwhelmed by the issue. it will come together in time , just have fun and enjoy

[dd]

I just took a course in Human Sexuality in which I really enjoyed it. I was naive when it came to oral sex, however, I so enjoy it now.

 

I don't want to scare you or if your values are very strict, however, if I were you I would practice masterbation with relaxation techniques. yes I know it sounds silly but it will get you to feel more comfortable. Be honest with your partner, and perhaps he can help you masterbate.

 

I would suggest googling the stages of sexual response by Masters And Johnson. It is very helpful.

[ghost69]

hmmm, i was never scared when i started. i didn't start going down on women until my first really serious gf. we did just about everything though. but the girls before her, i didn't. not that i was scared, i just didn't feel the desire to.

 

you might grow out of it and just start jumping into it, or you might be one of those people that never get into it.

[Cardinal]

I agree with the bite the bullet approach. First time will be the hardest.

 

As far as getting comfortable, watch for his enthusiasm. I have only been with one girl who had intimate issues like that. And it was the enthusiasm I have for it that made her comfortable with letting me do it frequently. So consider encouraging him to let go when he does it and take note of how much he enjoys it. Seeing that should help.