Ex is talking to me through lyrics

[Sadman84]

Disclaimer, i break a lot of the getting over your ex rules in this post. So please don't read this and tell me about how i need to get over her, and how this isn't helping me. I know it dosn't help me, but crap, i can't hid the fact that it makes me feel like maybe the girl i used to love still remembers me.

 

If anyone has been keeping up with my story here it is.

 

Dated 4.5 years, highschool senior year, all 4 years of college. She graduates this may, breaks up with me a week later. We talk off and on, till finally mid july she breaks it off with me for good. A week later i find out she met another guy, and a few months later she lives with him at his moms (lol).

 

We have a lot of history, our relationship wasn't perfect, but we spent every minute we could together. We got really close like anyone would after that amount of time. Anyway as many of you know, 4.5 with someone you're gonna miss them. Soooooo lets get to the story now.

 

Last week I had a song by Lil' Wayne on my myspace, called "something you forgot." If you like songs that describe how you feel, you should listen to this one, its crazy how much i can relate.

 

I'll post some of the strongest lyrics from the song, sorry for cussing, i'll try to edit it.

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"Sorry For The Trouble That I Put You And Your Heart Through

God Knows That I'd Do Anything For A Part 2"

 

"But I F'ed Up, I Know I F'ed Up, I Admit I F'ed Up

But Everybody F's Up, Now This Other guy Lucked Up"

(exactly how i feel, i messed things up, and now this guy just stumbled upon her at the right time)

 

"And I Know You Probably Wish You Never Met Me, And I Just Wish You Never Forget Me

And Let Me Say, Please Don't Worry About The Women I Have Been With

No Engagement Can Amount To Your Friendship

And I Hope That guy Know He Got A Queen, And All I Can Do Is Dream..."

 

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Sooo back to the story, i had this song on my profile, and i have a tracker which shows me who looks at my profile. (i have it on there so i know how often she looks at mine, as far as i know this is the second time in the whole 5 months we havn't talked)

 

I'm 100% she saw my profile and heard the song last week. The quote i had on my myspace was.

 

"And I Hope That guy Know He Got A Queen, And All I Can Do Is Dream..."

 

Last night, she was online, this was five days after she saw my myspace and stuff, she was on AIM.

 

She hasn't been on in about a month, which was weird. So i check her info, and it says "No Engagement Can Amount To Your Friendship..." A line taken directly from the song i had up on myspace. And what she had on her info before that was a pink ribbon for her grandmother who had cancer and passed away very young. She had the ribbon on there for a solid 1.5 years. So for her to change it from that to these lyrics means she must have felt strongly about it.

 

99.99% sure this was directed towards me, we were always huge about song lyrics and what they mean to eachother, and in the past we'd communicated through lyrics to eachother, but never like this, not after no communication for almost 5 months, which is the first time we'd ever gone that long in 4.5 years.

 

So thats the story, i signed off after being online for 10 minutes, she'd been on for 6 and a half hours. I got on an hour later and she had signed off.

 

It's just crazy, here I am missing this person, the person who knew and still does know more about me than anyone on this earth. And the past 5 months i've though she forgot i existed. But this shows me, that hey, she does remember me, and she put that up there for me to see. Maybe in the future we can be friends.

 

=)

 

I feel validated.

[Sadman84]

After reading my post, i realize how much i let my ex consume my day still 5 months later.

 

I hope you all know i've done a lot of great things for myself, I am moving on, but since this quote thing all i can do is think of her.

 

I promise though i'm talking to girls, getting in shape, having fun. I just have this void that she left, and i feel like i need her to feel it back.

[Jess...]

Hey Sadman,

 

But this shows me, that hey, she does remember me, and she put that up there for me to see.

 

Of course she remembers you. You were a huge part of each other's lives, for 4.5 years - I highly doubt she's going to forget you in 5 months! Heck, my ex and I were only together for a little over 1 year, and I know he hasn't forgotten me (and possibly never will). She will always remember you. Don't ever think she's forgotten about you. She won't.

 

I understand you miss her, believe me I do. You think they've forgotten, and *poof* - something happens that makes you realise they haven't. Stirs a lot of things up. But you'll get past this. It's just another speed bump. Trust me, she hasn't forgotten, and probably never will

[blender]

Jess, nice post..very nice..and so true. Sadman, it's normal and healthy for you to feel a loss, but the "feeling" that SHE is the one to fill the void, well that's out of sheer emotional habit, you were together for a long time, during very formative years, nothing more powerful than a loving history shared. The feeling of that void is just proof of how much YOU have to offer, how much YOU can love, and how much YOU have learned about what is meaningful for you.. those are precious lessons, ones some people aren't so fortunate to experience and grow from.. but you, you're just beginning.. so many wonderful things await you.

 

As Jess mentioned you will always be valuable to her, and meaningful.. and who knows what the future holds, but do what you're doing, get out, keep busy, widen your own world, keep learning, and improving your own life.. and when you least expect it you will attract the most amazing relationship into your life, and heck it might even be with the ex someday, but for right now just take care of you.. celebrate your independence, and cherish the time you spent during your relationship, it's all preparing you for wonderful things.. the best is ahead of you....

[buckdawg]

sadman, i'm gonna tell you what my therapist told me at my very first visit with him:

 

You're driving yourself crazy!

 

it's ok and healthy even to be sad at the loss of the relationship but that's really all we can do. accept that it's over, grieve it and then move on. obviously the myspace thing has to go because that's just too tempting. i don't log into gtalk anymore for that very reason. you can do it!

[Jess...]

Thanks blender

 

I wholeheartedly agree with that post