Parents wont let me move to dorms

[FarBeyondTheSun]

Hey everyone.

 

So I'm finally in college, the moment I've been waiting for all my life. The time I'll have lasting friendships and lots of crazy parties. The time where I can be active in a community and learn how to live on my own.

Right? No.

It was all planned, I was going to the freshman dorms and into a new life. I even payed the down payment. Then in the summer vacation, my parents got crazy and paranoid and suddenly decided that I will not move into college and will be staying with them and my two siblings in the suburbs. It takes me one and a half hours commuting just to get there, and 2 hours to get back home (traffic). It's killing me. I feel I'm missing out on so much stuff. I hear people talking about the parties and events and sports and I can't do any of that because I feel I am isolated physically from everyone.

The reason my parents changed their minds is because they freaked out about the drugs and sex ( Like I can't have drugs and sex if I lived with them ). Instead of being independent I have to be living with my annoying overprotective parents. What's killing me is that they don't want to give me a rational reason on why they are forcing me to stay home! It's driving me mad! I can't take being treated like a child. I just want to get the hell out of here. I don't have a lot of friends because I'm too busy commuting and making up for the lost time and study. Instead of studying with friends in study groups at night like normal people, I have to study alone, and my grades are suffering because of it.

I feel I'm missing out on so much. I have to wake up at 5:40 am to be there at 8 am, I have to leave college at 7 pm to be home at 9:40. This is madness! I can't go to parties, I can't go to events at night, I used to play sports but now I'm so tired and sick of this I stopped.

I just keep comparing myself to the people I know in college and I'm feeling sick. They're having the time of their lives, balancing fun and studying, and I can't even go out without worrying how the hell I'll be able to go home. I can't study because I'm so pissed off at my parents for treating me like a kid.

 

Sorry for the long post and ranting, I just need another person's opinion and maybe tips on how to convince my parents to allow me to move into the dorms.

Does anyone else experience this stuff? Am I the only one forced to live in isolation with my family?

[shikashika]

When do you turn 18? You aren't forced to live with your parents... unless they are paying for you?

 

do they really think you are going to be out having sex and taking drugs??

 

Why do you think think they changed their mind all of a sudden?

[Censored]

it's because they are concerned about you and obviously think that you are possibly easily led into bad things. OR that you are a rebellious turd that will dive into drugs, sex and rock'n'roll head first.

 

Maybe next year, when you're a little older. Maybe. Be good.

[FarBeyondTheSun]

I've had a small history if rebellion (getting caught drinking, etc), but only minor stuff. I'm a good student and I got decent grades in high school.

 

The biggest problem though, and something that is contributing more to this, is that i feel it's too late. Is it too late? Will I still be able to have the life everyone's boasting about in the future? When im 18 for example? Will I be able to move in in the future and catch up on all the stuff I missed? Will I still be socially.. adept.. to get a girlfriend?

 

I also have NO close friends whatsoever. Only a few people here and there I go to lunch or coffee with. It's not that I am shy or anything, I had loads of friends in high school ( I was in the basketball team too ). It's just that since I got into college I'm becoming really quiet and withdrawn at times. I feel like it's the end of the world.

 

Thanks for the help guys, I really need perspective on this.

[Censored]

Dude, IT IS NOT the end of your chances to have a ball in college.

 

18!!!! That is party time. Basically all the way through college is party time (just make sure you study too)

 

When i was 17, my parents wouldn't let me go interstate to a university that had the course i wanted. They believed i was too young. To be honest maybe i was, but i can look back on it now and realise that it made NO difference to my social life. However, i too became very shy in uni. It's a tough thing to go from a relatively small pond to a huge sea with college.

 

Try taking some after uni tutorials, or smaller group clases. they can be a great way to meet people at College.

[annie24]

i think you should move on campus next semester, or as soon after as you can. you may have to pay your own way though. however, you will be an adult, and your parents can't stop you. you are 17 now, i don't know if that is adult in canada, but your parents can't keep you forever. my mom at first tried to say i couldn't leave, i had to attend a nearby college, i refused, and i got what i wanted, because it's my life, not hers.

 

from a practical perspective, you are losing out on 2-3 hours of sleep and doing homework by commuting instead of living on campus, and that alone is reason to move. and yes, the social networking is very important, i still have a lot of friends from the dorm days.

[Censored]

Oh, hmmmmmm, just realised your opportunities to scoailise after uni are zero to non. So that changes my view.....Grrrrrrr, i should concentrate more.

Annie is right in this case.

[FarBeyondTheSun]

How about starting a fight soon and tell them either they support me leaving for the dorms next year or I go with or without their approval?

 

Will the student loan be enough to cover all those costs?

[Aleadragonhawk]

Talk to a financial aide adviser at your school to see what your options are on the money side of things. Have a steady plan in place before you talk to your parents again about moving into the dorms. Also consider calculating up exactly how much you're spending on gas with these long drives and presenting that number in the conversation. Your parents do have some valid concerns, so what I'd suggest doing is asking them if there's anything that you could do that would help them feel more comfortable with the idea of you living in the dorms. You might be able to work out a compromise with them, and if you're unable to, then you can resort to taking action without their approval/financial support. One thing I know that they do at the nearby college here is a 2-week trial stay in the dorm for highschool seniors. If they do something similar at your school you might be able to sign on for it to get a taste of dorm living, and if your parents see that you don't blow up in a cloud of pink confetti after two weeks, they might consider something more long term.

[Gath]

How about starting a fight soon and tell them either they support me leaving for the dorms next year or I go with or without their approval?

 

Will the student loan be enough to cover all those costs?

 

Starting a fight is not the answer. While I don't know your parents, showing them you can act responsibly and behave as an adult is more likely to garner their support. Do you have a part time job? That usually impresses parents, and is a great area to show how you've matured.

 

You might also make an agreement with them that you'd get to stay in the dorms as long as you keep your grades above a certain level.

[annie24]

I agree, no fights. Besides, you will be an adult, so you won't even need their permission to move out once you are 17, so there is no reason to start any fights. I agree with alea, calculate out how much you are spending on gas to and from weekly, and do add that in your calculation. And do go talk to financial aid and see what kind of a plan they can come up with for you. Apply to every single scholarship you qualify for.

[CaptainPlanet]

I'd be willing to bet that lots of people fail and end up working at restaurants beause of dorms.

 

Concentrate on getting good grades.

[annie24]

i don't agree - i lived in the dorms, my grades were fine - and i made lots of friends. it's very important to have a good social system. if you need quiet (luckily i lived in a quite hall, for the most part) - but you can always go study at the library.

[CaptainPlanet]

I guess so Annie.

 

The reason I think that would not be a good idea for him is because his main concern seems to be the social scene he is missing out on, his grades and study time were mentioned second.

[annie24]

that's a good point - i think if the op framed it differently, the parents might be more receptive. for example, living on campus allowed me to go back to my dorm between classes and print out papers, etc.... i guess you can do that at the library too, but it's nice just to be able to cross the street after a class and study in the privacy of your own room

[CaptainPlanet]

I'll hazard another guess and say that the time from 18-21 may seem important while you're in it, but its really an insignificant part of your life.

 

Get good grades and a good job now I don't know for certain but I think you would have a much better social life working a 9-5 professional position than you would doing something else.

 

The thing is that your pre-adult (thats what I'll call 18-21) only lasts for three, arguably four depending on who you are. After that you have your entire life ahead of you where everything start to meld into one.

 

Now I don't live in America. I am Australian, our minimum wage is somewhere in the range of $16 per hour. I haven't found many jobs paying less than $18.

 

I can trod along rather nicely without a college degree, and many people do. Buying a house will be difficult however, and we complain about that constantly too.

 

If I were in America there would be no way I would even consider the social side of college important. There is just too much to lose.

[annie24]

haha, i disagree - i think that the social side of college is extremely important (grad school also). career sucess is really tied into who you know - i have gotten many good jobs because a friend from college recommened me to his or her boss. connections matter. in fact, cold applying for a job is one of the least successful ways of getting it - it's far easier when you have some sort of connections. and i can assure you that bosses would rather hire a B student who is pleasant to work with than an A student who has no social skills.

 

i think that having a full social life will help you out in college, because having a strong social network helps you through the difficult times. i don't know what i would have done without my friends in the difficult times when i felt like dropping out - actually - i do know, i would have dropped out!!!

[CaptainPlanet]

hhmm I don't have any friends like that. The older you get the harder it is to make friends too.

[capbit]

i think that having a full social life will help you out in college, because having a strong social network helps you through the difficult times. i don't know what i would have done without my friends in the difficult times when i felt like dropping out - actually - i do know, i would have dropped out!!!

 

I totally agree, I wouldnt be as successful here at college without the social life. Whether its studying together, goofing off, partying, or helping each other out in times of need. When you're in college, you are far away from home. My close friends in college are somewhat of a dysfunctional extended family lol. For me, they keep me sane.

[rocio]

You don't want to have to put yourself through school if you have parents who are willing to pay your way. Putting it bluntly, that's just stupid. Unless, of course, it's because they are abusive or something like that. But not if it's simply because they want what is reasonably best for you. Student loans can't put you through school. And university is hard enough without having to run to a job after class. Be a good boy, obey your parents, and they'll let you move out next year. You don't need to live in the dorms to make friends. Many, many college students live at home and still have social lives.

[CaptainPlanet]

You don't want to have to put yourself through school if you have parents who are willing to pay your way. Putting it bluntly, that's just stupid. Unless, of course, it's because they are abusive or something like that. But not if it's simply because they want what is reasonably best for you. Student loans can't put you through school. And university is hard enough without having to run to a job after class. Be a good boy, obey your parents, and they'll let you move out next year. You don't need to live in the dorms to make friends. Many, many college students live at home and still have social lives.

 

The voice of wisdom, listen to what she says.

[EQD]

wow.. must be nice to get a ticket into college and not have to pay rent.. i wish my dad was that generous.. count your blessings.