Falling for someone in another country

[bstrong2day]

For those who don't know my story, I've been through hell and back twice over the past few years. I gave everything I had to be with someone, who, in the end decided she did not want to be with me, twice. Simple as that.

 

The past couple of months have been a big test that I think I'm passing so far. I opened up a new chapter of my life, moving cross-country, starting a new job, and have began looking forward to the future.

 

Being new to the area, I decided to join link removed. It took some guts to put myself out there once I felt ready. I ended up going on a couple of dates with a few women who were considered my "match", yet did not end up being my type, and I was ok with that. I honestly wasn't attracted to either of them despite them being what I was "looking for" physically, but not emotionally. I wondered to myself "Am I ready to date again?" I feel confident the answer is "yes".

 

Well, about a month ago, I expanded my search globally instead of just 50 miles from my home, and this is where it gets interesting. I'm not sure what I was thinking, only that I felt that there was someone out there with similar interests, dreams, ambition, who would appreciate my love, and also love me back with all of her heart in return. I came accross a woman who came up as my match in the Philippines, her profile seemed like we were looking for each other, so I decided to send an inquisitive email. She responded, and since then, we've been hitting it off over the past month. I've talked to her on the phone a few times (clicked really well), we've sent over a dozen pictures to each other, and things are looking great. I mean, they are looking as good as they possibly can, as far as an online relationship goes. She has asked me to fly out to the Philippines to meet her family. She's sweet, honest, sincere, caring, and she's so into me, it makes me feel like a million bucks. She's a nurse (I am too), and has been planning a move to the US in the spring.

 

My problem now is, I'm a bit unfamiliar to "courting" a Philippina woman. From what she's told me, family is VERY important. I did some research, and courting is a lot different than dating. In filipino culture, you aren't just courting your lady, you are courting the entire family. I'm supposed to ask her father's permission to court her. Filipino values and tradition are important. There are rules and a process that takes place over time. Being a 28 year-old American man, it was a little odd (at first) hearing her (she's 22) say that her parents and family want to meet me. I'm excited about that, although I am a little nervous. I just want to make a good first impression with her family, so that they can see that I am a really good guy who will treat her right. Any advice would be appreciated. I realize I'm only a month into this, and am trying to keep myself from bubbling over, because I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. I'm worried things may be different when we see each other in person. I don't want to get crushed, although it's a risk I'm willing to take to find the right one.

[melrich]

I don't know how to advise you about courting a Filipino lady.

 

I would advise you to apply a degree of self preservation through the process.

 

I know it's not good to generalise so I will preface this by saying I am sure there are some Filipino ladies genuinely looking for love on the internet. There are also some that are simply looking for a way out of the Phillipines.

 

Just keep asking yourself hard questions. The first one being after a month and not having even met, why are the family looking to meet you?

[bstrong2day]

I dated a Filipino and YES family is VERY VERY important. Almost to the point where the g/f, b/f, or spouse come second. It is not even out of the ordinary to have the inlaws or relatives move in. I must also reitterate what Melrich has said about Filipino women looking to get out of their country. I would just proceed with caution on this woman.

 

Thanks for your insight. She has relatives about 20 minutes from me on Long Island, and is planning to move to New York in the spring after taking the state nursing boards. So, I believe she is legit through and through.

 

From our conversations and emails I believe she's authentic, beautiful, smart, polite, caring, and a lady. When I fly out there, she's told me that her father will act as a chaperone on our dates. Remember, she's 22! I guess this is normal when it comes to courting a filipino lady. She knows I'm only coming out to see her, and has a bunch of things planned for us every day while I'm there. Namely, she's been looking into flying with me from Manila to Boracay for a couple of nights on the beach. Her dad is coming to chaperone there as well. Supposedly, from what I've read on the net, it's seen as disrespectful for me to hold her hand or try to kiss her on the first date. Things move slow in filipino relationships. I have to earn trust, and even though she may not show me public signs of affection, she may be bubbling over inside. Being conservative, playing hard to get and building trust seems to be a characteristic of the culture. I have respect for that. It makes it that much more special.

 

Is anyone familiar with this courting process? Do I ask to court her when I first get there? Do I do this in front of the whole family? A little cultural awarenss is needed here. Anybody got any advice. She told me just to be sincere, and myself and everything else will take care of itself.

[wiser]

Didn't you post this exact same thread a few days or a week ago?

 

I recall answering you....

 

I have been dating a filipino woman for 5 months. She moved to the US when she was mid twenties. She's a divorcee, with 4 kids. She works nights as an RN, and she has an older aunt who lives with them and takes care of the younger two, so she is free a lot.

 

She spends so much time with me that she has gotten grief from not only her children, but her parents and sisters too. I have told her she should probably be home more, but she's really into spending time with me.

 

She is very nurturing. Within a month, she was cleaning my apartment, doing my laundry, and bringing me food on the way to work at night.

 

She's also a bit clingy, and I have posted on our difficulties in that area in the past, but we're working on that.

 

Filipino women are very devoted and loyal to their men.

[bstrong2day]

Well, moving right along. I've decided to postpone my trip to see her until late February/early March, due to a work conflict. No issues with that on her end. We've continued to talk on the phone every day, and she's told me that she wants to focus on getting to know me better over the next few months.

 

She's emailed my mother a few times already in regards to nursing questions (my mom is a NICU nurse just like her), and my mom thinks she is really sweet as well.

 

She just got her nursing results back, and is planning to move here in the spring.