Confusing moment, confusing feelings, please help me.

[bbb432]

Ok, so I am a freshman at college now, where there is a huge gay community. I'm a bisexual I suppose...but only recently began to grasp it. I've had a girlfriend for about a year, and am not a virgin, but I have feelings for certain guys.

 

Since I started classes...I've had my eye on this one dude. He's really shy and timid, and not receptive at all, so when I try to talk with him, the conversation doesn't really last more than a few sentences. But either way, I feel like there is something there. I see him out of the corner of my eye sometimes glancing at me or staring at me. I wasn't sure if he was spacing out at first, but now I feel like it's maybe affectionate. Sometimes I'll stare back and we'll look at each other for a moment before one of us awkwardly turns away. Some of my friends have picked on it as well.

 

Anyway, I find myself liking him a lot, but I'm soooo confused. He has had a girlfriend, but they recently broke up, so he is single now, I think. I don't want to grasp false hope, but I feel like he has interest in me as well. Sometimes when class ends, he'll deliberately stall himself, and wait for me to gather my stuff so he can walk near me or with me. When he sees me sometimes on the street, he'll look down or away as if he's embarrassed and look back to say hi. During group discussions I feel like he'll sometimes pull a chair up next to me. All of these factors are making me feel like he's interested in me and I feel soooo torn. I really like him a lot and I just want to tell him already because I think about him a lot.

 

He sometimes has slightly gay tendencies, but that could be because he's soo shy in general. Recently, he started talking to me on a regular basis, where in the past I had to start instigating conversations. We're in art school, so there are group projects I could potentially do with him and such, so I'm banking on the fact that I will get to know him a little more.

 

Can anyone give me some insight or something? Maybe someone have a similar story? Do you think he's gay? I'm so fed up with myself, I just want to scream to him that I am interested in him, but I don't want to freak him out. Also, I'm not open about my bisexuality yet, so I don't want to put myself in an awkward position.

 

Thanks for any input.

[efrances]

Just take things slow. Get to know him more, and you will be more sure if he is or isn't interested. Nothing worth having comes easily!

[Censored]

Maybe he's looking at you to see if your looking at him looking at you.

 

There is nothing in your post that would indicate that this guy likes you in an intimate way. He just broke up with his girlfriend right. Well, THAT'S not a GOOD sign.

 

I really think you are over analyzing this WAY too much. You are reading into everytime this guy blinks, moves, farts or breathes.

 

DON'T tell him that you like him like that until you are absolutely sure that he is Gay or Bi.

 

I personally don't think you'll ever be telling him that.

 

Sorry man, but there is NOTHING THERE that says he's gay.

[wiser]

Whatever happened to that "Gaydar" device that was advertised many years ago? It was like a secret pager, and when two gay men passed each other in the street, if they both had the Gaydar, it would buzz or beep or something.

 

It was an idea possibly slightly ahead of its time but I could see it having its place in situations such as this.

[Nadyenka]

It is hard to say without knowing way in which he look at you, he might like you but I cannot say really.

[Reality-Check]

It's sooo hard to tell. I ran into the exact same thing you did awhile back. Just start it as any normal friendship, don't let yourself expect anything more from it. Maybe it'll turn into more, but for now from the information you have so far it'd be wise I think just to become better friends with the guy at the moment.

[Reality-Check]

Whatever happened to that "Gaydar" device that was advertised many years ago? It was like a secret pager, and when two gay men passed each other in the street, if they both had the Gaydar, it would buzz or beep or something.

 

It was an idea possibly slightly ahead of its time but I could see it having its place in situations such as this.

 

I've never actually heard of that... but I want it! lol

[bbb432]

Thanks for the responses.

 

Yeah...I'm still struggling. I would love to have him as a good friend, the thing is, he's so shy and not talkative that it's really hard to approach him with a conversation without looking like a fool. We don't seem to have the same interests in sports, music etc...but we ARE art majors...

 

Gardengnome, would you say that the first step to knowing if there's something there is trying to become close with him as a friend and see what happens? I don't want it to turn into one of those things where it's like you don't want to ruin a good friendship so a relationship is out of the question.

 

I probably sound weird, haha.

[wiser]

I've never actually heard of that... but I want it! lol

 

Alas, it appears to be an urban legend and it does link removed

 

Sorry to get your hopes (and probably something else) up.

 

Edit: Continued searching on Google found link removed

 

So who knows.

[lukeb]

Haha, I doubt if that gadget would work where I live, but it is kinda neat. To the confused guy, it really doesn't matter if he is gay or not, he just came out of a relationship. Just be a friend to him.

[wintersolstice]

I would introduce a gay topic that he would only know if he were gay or it would be a slight indication of who you really are (though this may be lame).... you could say something about a mutual friend who is gay or... i don't know tila tequila's show on mtv? my roommate is gay and he loves that show..

 

if you are worried about him not being gay and judging you you can say "she is so hot" ....

[wintersolstice]

I had a teacher who is gay and I had a humongous crush on him and I thought he might be bisexual. Because he would always make eye contact with me and I felt as though his eyes would light up when we would talk... But, he is most definitley gay... He looks away when he sees me because I am not overly friendly and the few times I saw him on campus I did not say hi to him so I know that is why he looks away when he sees me (avoid something sociall awkward) however, i am flattered he would even bother to look away because he's a professor and i'm just a student...

 

also one sure fire way to tell is to look at this guy in the eyes from accross the room, if he returns your eye contact (does not look away) he is probably interested. If he looks down or breaks eye contact he is not. The professor (although he would look into my eyes and his eyes seemed to sparkle) while discussing something pertaining to class which we were both very interested in; when I would look at him from accross the room for no reason he would look away (I did this twice) I couldn't help it...

 

So try intense and intimate eye contact from accross the room... if he looks away... you have your answer

 

 

I know how you feel by interpreting all these things and trying to make sense of them and I'm sure a lot of peopel will say you're manipulating reality and imagining things, but I can say he very well could like you and that displays of sexual attraction are innate and everywhere and he could very well just like you but is shy... the eye contact thing is an reflexive litmus test though...

[Reality-Check]

I would introduce a gay topic that he would only know if he were gay or it would be a slight indication of who you really are (though this may be lame).... you could say something about a mutual friend who is gay or... i don't know tila tequila's show on mtv? my roommate is gay and he loves that show..

 

That's some good advice. Just try to steer the conversation that the two of you have in a direction that will give you hints.

 

It's kinda good to remember though that if it turns out that he isn't gay, you probably have a lot of room before he's going to think that you're interested in him. I remember with the guy that I ran into this same situation with, every time I would engage in conversation with him the first thing that popped into mind was 'must be subtle, must be subtle, must be subtle.' But, in reality, unless you go too far out of your way, you have a lot of room before a straight guy is going to start thinking that another guy that who is engaging in conversation with them is interested.

 

I'm fairly sure that that didn't make any sense.. it's late here, and I'm tired haha. I'll come back in the morning and edit it. Regardless, good luck with the situation, it can suck sometimes.

[Reality-Check]

I agree with this, if he returns your eye contact and holds it, I think there is a good chance he might be interested. However, if he does look away, that could just be his personality as a shy person (I remember it being mentioned that he is somewhat shy.)

 

If you REALLY want to kinda measure it, wear shades to class, watch him, and count how many time he looks at you. If you're subtle enough, he'll have no idea you're watching him (and you will avoid any awkward eye locks that could send his eyes flying in the other direction), and honestly, if someone is looking over you an abnormal amount of times, I feel that's a sure fire sign that they could possibly have interest.

[wintersolstice]

He might look away after a moment. But, when you make eye contact with someone who is interested in you they will instinctually return your eye contact whether he is shy or not. He might look away if he is shy but he will initially hold your eye contact....

[lukeb]

I'm going to disagree with Reality-Check and wintersolstice, forget the whole eye contact thing, take off all the pressure of trying to find out of he is gay or not. Basically assume he is straight, and get to know him as a friend, ask him if he wants to go study together, a movie, whatever. Have some fun.

[wintersolstice]

assume he is straight? that's idiotic... what if you spend time getting to now him and develop a lot of feelings for him and then you realize he's straight? youll just be hurt and feel like a fool.

 

gardengnome even if you are shy and not bold enough to make eye contact with someone, if you accidentally met there eyes you would look into them for a moment before looking away due to shyness.

[winchester3]

I've stared at gay guys before. The ones that dress really weird, you cant help but give them a look. For occasions like this i should pull out mirrored sunglasses.

[Reality-Check]

assume he is straight? what if you spend time getting to now him and develop a lot of feelings for him and then you realize he's straight? youll just be hurt and feel like a fool.

 

I agree with winter here, if you already find yourself having feelings for him, trying to become only friends with him might set you up to feel pretty crappy if he does turn out straight.

 

I'm not saying don't be friends with him, I'm saying the first thing you should do is find out if he's gay/interested. After you find that out, you can decide whether or not you want to be only friends, or if you want to pursue your feelings.