I think my housemates hate me

[Missiechan]

Well, maybe hate is too strong a word. But I'm pretty sure they don't like me.

 

I've been living here for almost two years now. It was an owner-occupied house when I moved in, with the owner and a guy (not her boyfriend.) Later she had to be hospitalized for an operation and her boyfriend moved in, and now she and her boyfriend live somewhere else and her sister has moved in.

 

We're quite civil to each other, and I actually get on quite well with the owner and her sister. We've never argued about anything straight out, and I'm quiet enough. I don't smoke, I don't object when they smoke and I try to mind my own business. The problem is that I'm sending out a message that I'm anti-social.

 

It's my job. I work as a nanny for a family with three children and my job is very physically demanding. I have no car so I do all my travelling on public transport, often with a toddler in a buggy. I get them dressed, take the kids to school every morning on the bus, take the toddler to his Mommy and Me sessions (we usually walk the three miles back home), clean up, make lunch, collect the kids from school on the bus, make dinner, clean up and in between I help with homework, break up fights and manage tantrums. Once a week I change the bedsheets and dust and vacuum the kid's rooms and fix their bookshelves and toy chests. By the time I get home I am ready to do nothing but flop on the sofa and watch TV or go straight to bed. I have Thursdays and Fridays off although I usually babysit late nights at the weekend. I use my days off to have some semblance of a social life and meet my friends, or go grocery shopping or clothes shopping. Or I do some light housework in the house.

 

This week has been really busy and I've had the flu, so after work I went straight to bed. Tomorrow I'm meeting a friend I haven't seen in a month before Christmas and then babysitting until after midnight again. I've had neither the time or the inclination to do the housework and I think it's getting on my housemates' nerves. I've also barely spoken to them this week and I'm worried about how bad this looks. They have it so easy; they both have cars so when they go grocery shopping it takes half an hour. For me it takes about three trips to pick up all I can carry home on foot or on the bus. He's an accountant and she's a teacher so they both spend most of the day sitting down and I'm lucky if I get twenty minutes to myself during the day. They have friends at work; my job, as much as I love it, is lonely as hell.

 

I get on fine with the girl, but not so well with the guy. We just have nothing to talk about. I'm a lot younger than they are and I'm somewhat artsy. He's the kind of guy whose only interests are football and drinking, which I find boring. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a freak and doesn't know how to talk to me. We can barely force small talk. I can't even talk about my job because he hates children! I've tried being friendly to him but he seems so uncomfortable around me that it makes me uncomfortable.

 

I know the ideal solution would be to move out but I can't afford it and it's so close to my job. Can anyone offer some advice?

[ftheunion]

Get yourself a job that you can get to not too far away. I suggest security, or at a shopping center. Some big store with people of all ages.

[havefaith]

I had a roommate last year who I thought I would become good friends with. It turned out we had so little in common - I liked to study out of our dorm room, in the library or something, she liked to stay in and study. She stayed up late and was inconsiderate, but most of all, I realized how different our taste in friends was. She would pick the most dim-witted people to be friends with on our hall and try as I may to be social with them I just couldn't find anything intellectually stimulating about these people. I hated that my roomie would act much stupider than she was around the girls on our hall, so I was polite but usually vacated, being a pre-med student and very busy.

 

Bottom line, we were polite but kind of just co-existed. I think we ate a total of ~3 meals together during the course of an entire year. I know everyone on my hall that my roommate was the girl with the weird, anti-social "smart" roommate. I kind of just accepted it, made other friends and made do with what I had.

 

Hate to say it but I think it happens. Keep being polite and do what you have to do in terms of work. Work on maintaining and strengthening your relationships with friends outside of this house who you know you connect with better... I think that might be the only solution.

[bulletproof]

They have it so easy;

 

He's the kind of guy whose only interests are football and drinking, which I find boring.

 

...he hates children!

 

It sounds more like you don't like them, not the other way around. That's okay, you don't have to like them, but just be prepared for the consequences. You get what you give. In order to be liked by people, you have to like those people.

 

If you cannot move out then you're only two remaining choices are to just ignore it or try to make things better. There are lots of books on how to make friends and how to be a better conversationalist, even with people you don't have a lot in common with. This could work out really well- maybe they would let you go shopping with them, for example, so you could benefit from their car. Maybe you start by making them dinner one night? Tell them that you've felt bad about not keeping up on your part of the housework, and say you'd like to make it up to them.

[Gath]

 

I get on fine with the girl, but not so well with the guy. We just have nothing to talk about. I'm a lot younger than they are and I'm somewhat artsy. He's the kind of guy whose only interests are football and drinking, which I find boring. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a freak and doesn't know how to talk to me. We can barely force small talk. I can't even talk about my job because he hates children! I've tried being friendly to him but he seems so uncomfortable around me that it makes me uncomfortable.

 

I know the ideal solution would be to move out but I can't afford it and it's so close to my job. Can anyone offer some advice?

 

Well, if you're just looking for a friend, I'd suggest you look somewhere other than this guy. From your account you two have nothing in common to be friends about. Most adult friends arise from shared interests or common activities. The only thing you two have in common is that you share a house.

 

Really though, just be friendly and civil and don't worry about what he thinks about you.

 

 

It's my job. I work as a nanny for a family with three children and my job is very physically demanding. I have no car so I do all my travelling on public transport, often with a toddler in a buggy. I get them dressed, take the kids to school every morning on the bus, take the toddler to his Mommy and Me sessions (we usually walk the three miles back home), clean up, make lunch, collect the kids from school on the bus, make dinner, clean up and in between I help with homework, break up fights and manage tantrums. Once a week I change the bedsheets and dust and vacuum the kid's rooms and fix their bookshelves and toy chests. By the time I get home I am ready to do nothing but flop on the sofa and watch TV or go straight to bed. I have Thursdays and Fridays off although I usually babysit late nights at the weekend. I use my days off to have some semblance of a social life and meet my friends, or go grocery shopping or clothes shopping. Or I do some light housework in the house.

 

It sounds like you might be burning out on your job, have you considered finding alternate employment?

[Missiechan]

Actually, no. I love my job. It's demanding but it's what I adore. It's the reason I'm living here.

 

Thanks for the advice. I'll have to give up on befriending this guy, he clearly doesn't want to be friends anyway.