Christmas cards

[cnflctd]

I'd like to send her parents and grandmother Christmas cards. I have spent the last three Christmases with them and they have been very generous to me with gifts and things. Am I going to look to her like a good guy or like I am meddling in her family and trying to get on their good side. I feel it is the right thing to do regardless.

[Censored]

It does feel like the right thing to do. But it's not. Don't do it. She will see it as some kind of attempt to get her thinking about you.

[cant find my smile]

I sent my ex's family a card and some gifts for his nephews that I had already bought, but I cleared it with him first to ask if he was ok with it. If you guys are still in contact that is an easy way to make clear your intentions

[Pocket Rocket]

I think it's more important to ask if you're doing this genuinely to make her family cheerful and happy on the holidays or if you're doing this with the intention of getting on her good side - if it's only for the latter then I wouldn't do it whatever you think her reaction will be.

[annie24]

It does feel like the right thing to do. But it's not. Don't do it. She will see it as some kind of attempt to get her thinking about you.

 

i agree. kind of looks transparent. it sounds like you want to get back with her (as you posted in the getting back together section). if you had a new gf, and wanted to send her family cards, i'd say go for it, but i suspect you have an ulterior motive here.

 

i remember a few years back, a guy asking a similar question. said he was super close to this ex-gf's family, and wanted to contact her to ask for their addresses or phone numbers so he could mail them cards. i said if they were so close, then why didn't he know their addresses or phone numbers? that just showed right there he wasn't THAT close to them at all!

[cnflctd]

I can't say I've never thought about the way it would be viewed by her (or else I wouldn't have asked the question). I really like her family and they have been so generous to me and it would seem so * * * * ty to act like they don't exist because of this. This is making me angry at her...

[annie24]

my question to you is if you know their home address and phone number?

[rokston]

do you expect she or her family will be sending cards to you and your family?? in my view if the answer is yes, then you should consider it ... if you are doing it just to get noticed then don't bother.

 

in my situation, i will send cards to my ex and to her family. i know their phone number and address in my head. i have already received several cards from them and i know that it is the right thing to do.

[cnflctd]

I have her parents' address. I don't know it by heart. I don't really expect to get anything from them but I suppose I might get a card. Who knows.

 

Regardless, I spent more than a week with them the last three holidays and they treated me totally as a member of the family. I'd like to thank them. Maybe I will just send her mom and e-mail and ask her not to tell my ex. Not sure if that's better or worse.

[annie24]

nah, in that case - i'd send a pleasant, short christmas card saying something along the lines of "I hope you and your family have a merry xmas and happy new year. Best, cnfltd." you know, and don't get into "tell my ex this" or "don't tell her that." they'd be more likely to bring it to her attention that way.

[rokston]

i agree with annie. don't send such an email it will just come accross as silly. just send a simple card wishing them well.