The Swedish situation

[Colle]

Hello folks.

 

Looking for some advice on how to behave around my ex.

Here's the story:

 

I'm 26 years old and she is 22. We met a couple of years ago, and got in a less serious relationship. This ended without anyone being very hurt, and we had a healthy friend-relationship after that. We later got back together, and ended up in a situation where she wanted to take it further, but I didn't. She requested commitment and time I wasn't ready to give. This eventually led to a breakup (1,5 years ago), where she was extremely hurt and I wasn't. She even went to a psychiatrist for this. However we stayed friends and have done so ever since. A year ago she moved about 600 miles from me to study. We have stayed in contact, but our contact has decreased for natural reasons.

 

I now find myself in a situation where I want her back. I have (foolishly enough) told her this about two months ago, and she says she just wants to stay friends, even though she cares for me a lot. We've had some contact since then, and she contacts me sometimes to talk about whatever.

 

Since I told her this, things have been a bit tense. She will be in my town for new years, and she wants to spend some time with me. How should I act? Should i be all cool and act like I don't care? This is very difficult.

 

To her friend (and mine) she has said that she has managed to set me aside now, that the geographical distance is a problem and that it's very hard to go back even though she cares for me very much.

 

I know she had a fling with a guy this summer who she turned down, however, they are still in contact.

 

It's pretty hard to invoke the NC-strategy, since we already don't have daily or almost daily contact.

 

Extremely thankful for any comment. This is very hard on me since I seem to have realized that this is a woman I could see myself spending my life with.

 

 

Carl-Oskar, Sweden

[Cuppedia]

Hello. Relationships end for a reason and people become the "ex" for a reason too, you have ended a love relationship with her twice, that could be a clear sign that things are simply not meant to work between you.

 

Something else could be going on in your life that makes you wish you could have a girl that was so much in love with you like she seemed to, maybe you just enjoy her friendship and feel going back together is only natural but even if you now feel this is the woman of your life she doesn't want to go down that path again and should be respected.

 

It's of course going to be difficult (and unfair) for you to act like you don't want to date her when you do, so you could distance yourself for a while until you feel comfortable with the idea of her being just your friend.

 

Usually the answers for your future are not in the past, look ahead.