On Dec 14, it will have been one year...

[mk1984]

...since my friend comitted suicide.

 

Talk about a shock. I got back from a weekend snowboarding trip to hear the most devastaing news... James had comitted suicide. All I could say, all I could THINK, was "why"?

 

I'll never know why.

 

Picture the most precocious person you know, the life of the party. The guy that took jokes a little too far but could bring a smile to anyone's face. The goofy guy, the class clown. The incedible academic, the sucessful student, the talented musician. That was James.

 

James was attending the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, which is how I knew him. He was originally from Grand Prairie, Alberta. For those of you not up on your Canadian geography, that's a 20 hour drive.

 

His funeral was December 20, and in Grand Prairie. Because of Christmas, all the flights were full. So we had no choice, if we wanted to attend the funeral, we were driving.

 

And drove we did.

 

Twenty hours in a car and a friends suicide gives you a lot of time to think, and to talk. I was travelling with my brother, one of James's best friends.

 

We talked about everything. From what could push someone to go that far, to what signs we missed, to how selfish he was.

 

At one particularly emotional point I turned to my brother, overwhelmed with emotion. My eyes welling with tears, I said "did he not know how many people will miss him? How much hurt we are going through? How many friends he had? That so many of his friends are putting Christmas on hold to drive 20 hours through a blizzard to pay their last respects?"

 

My brother's answer was simple and calculated "Maybe he didn't. Maybe that's why.... this happened."

 

I know most of us don't take every opportunity to tell the people in our lives how much they mean to us. But when it's too late, this leaves you with regrets.

 

The holiday season and the stress it brings may push many people to their breaking point.

 

It's been almost a year, and I still think of James almost every day. Such a beautiful life, gone.

 

Rest in Peace, James Roger Field.

[keenan]

I'm so sorry for your loss, MK.

 

I lost someone very close to me to suicide. It's been five years. The pain fades but doesn't go away.

 

Your tribute to James was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.

[HajiMaji]

Im sorry that this all happened. You can really tell that you cared about him. Its really a sad thing.

[mk1984]

Thank you, Keenan and HajiMaji.

 

I was writing this.... because I was poking around in this forum and I see so many hurting people who are considering suicide. And I want them to see... what they leave behind. It may be over for them, but it's just the beginning for their friends and famly...

[girl friend]

That was beautiful,

Thank you for sharing that with us.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. James sounds like someone i would have liked to have known.