Tired of them

[Metallica Lightning]

I can no longer take my ex-wife and her husband telling me how I should parent and what I should do. They do not have the right to judge me as a father or to judge me at all in any case, and they're doing it all the time, nagging at me like I'm some irresponsible child!

 

I'm more bohemian, and my ex wife is very conservative, and her husband is even worse. I don't go to church, I have long hair, a few tattoos, I don't care if my son plays football or if his clothing sport skulls and fire, and I let him stay out past midnight on weekends. My daughter is in college, so this does not apply to her.

Does that make me a bad parent?

Jason and Brooke (My Ex) are constantly ripping me for my personal style (My job pertains to Rock Music), and my style of parenting. Neither my son nor daughter drinks or does drugs, they both work, and they are both A-B students, and they don't get into trouble.

 

I got a little out of control when I finally confronted them tonight and it ended terribly even though I felt my points got accross, but the main thing I'm worried about is my son.

Brooke and I had a mutual divorce after 18 years of a struggling marrige. After we had the kids, everything changed. She became this wannabe suburban housewife, and would do stupid things just t ofit into the group of suburban mothers. It got to the point where we wanted different things, had different values, and we had almost bi-polar personalities. So, we decided to divorce. Brooke and I both did so mutually, and still tried to make that strong foundation for Samantha and Paul to keep there feet on. When she married this hotshot macho marine officer, she changed immediately and she has been breaking that foundation that we promised to have for our kids, and I have been trying my best to fill in the cracks, but they just keep getting deeper and wider.

 

Like I said though, I didn't handle it very well when I confronted them and told them assertively to leave me alone and that probobly didn't help at all. I just want my son to feel secure and try and make him feel like he isn't in such a broken home.

 

Thoughts? Ideas? Anything would be appreciated.

 

 

 

 

Kane.

[Entropy Smith]

Sounds like you've got the right perspective. Sometimes trusting your kids helps them alot more than a bunch of rules...let your ex and hte marine turn your kids against them on their own...take the high road and let the drama couple self destruct.

[brando]

Hats off to you. You sttod your ground and I think that is commendable. Sounds like their really is no problem here with your parenting skills. Maybe how you handled it was necessary for your ex and her husband to see that they have no reasons at all to complain. But they still may criticize for the sake of criticizing.

 

I do not have much experience here, all I can offer is to keep on doing what you are doing, and turn a deaf ear to their complaints. As far as the foundation your ex and yourself promised to uphold, well maybe it is only you who will only keep this promise, and you keep this promise you made for yourself.

 

I am sure the influence of your ex'd military background is a major factor here, the structure, discipline etc... but it sounds like you have two amazing children, so you are both still doing a great job parenting.

 

Don't let their judgements they appear to be making of you become a problem for yourself, unless you believe them to have any truth about who you are, I wouldn't change a thing. You may just need to let go of the promise you and the ex made to raising the children, she seems to no longer believe this.

 

If it is working do not fix it.

 

I hope this helps.

 

be well,

brando.

[Metallica Lightning]

My son told me via cell phone conversation that Jason said theese words to him:

 

"If I don't see that head shaved, and a note from the athletic director saying you applied for athletics then I will beat your ass when you get home!"

 

I'm not sure whether I should give the man a piece of my mind, fist, or just let the police handle it...

[someguy69]

Why doesn't Paul comes to stay with you full time, and then avoid dealing with Jason?

[Metallica Lightning]

Why doesn't Paul comes to stay with you full time, and then avoid dealing with Jason?

 

The last thing I want to do is pull Paul from his mother, although it may be for the best. He's told me he wants to live with me, but I'm not sure Brooke will have any of it after the conversation Jason and I had this evening, but at this point I'm ready to go no holds barred.

 

I went over to Jason and Brooke's house after work with Paul. We all sat down in the living room and discussed the threat Jason asessed to Paul. I am clearly not happy with it, and I showed it also. Jason said he was trying to teach Paul how to be a real man. Yes folks, I'm serious. apparently to him, you must have a shaved head to be a real man

Anyway Jason and I had a long talk about what a real man was and we got down to the point where we ended up pulling out a bible, a dictionary, and he took an uncalled for shot at me by holding up a picture of him and me and asking Paul who he thought looked more like a real man. Paul responded brilliantly and said, "I think that you can only judge a man on his character, not how he looks, and to me, my dad is more of a man."

Jason stood up and attempted to put his hands on my son, and I had to stand infront of him and threaten to call the police if he did not sit down. Brooke was crying, I was nervous because I haven't fought anyone since I played college Hockey (Which was a LONG time ago folks), and Paul got upset and felt guilty about it.

 

This is exactly what Brooke and I have been trying to avoid for the 4 years we've been divorced, then she marries the "man of her dreams" and screws it up.

[Aleadragonhawk]

If your son wants to live with you and is of such an age that he can make that decision, and you think that you would provide a safer and more stable home, then it's time to seriously think about the situation and if him changing homes would be best for everyone involved. I've been through three manipulative stepfathers, and honestly, I got to the point where I would've done absolutely anything to get away from the hell those men put me through. Your son doesn't have to break contact with his mother just because he chooses to live with you, but it might be best for him to be away from the influence of Jason.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if you think this man is going to physically abuse your son you need to intervene. it would not be about 'taking' your son from his mother, it would be about protecting your son.

 

you need to keep very close tabs on your son and find out if this man is carrying on emotional or physical abuse of your son while you are not there to protect him. if that is the case, i think you have no choice but to petition the court to protect him.

 

child abusers can hide behind all kind of ideologies, and bullying or beating your son and ridiculing you is NOT a good sign at all. your ex-wife may not have realized what a brute this guy was, but if she won't stand up and protect your son, you need to... not by fist fighting him for some kind of macho contest, but in court where it matters. no judge is going to approve a stepparent beating a child.

[Mysterygirl]

Have you asked your son what he wants?

 

I would suggest you just keep a close eye on him, spend as much time with him as you can ... call him often...

 

By doing that you are showing them that you are not going anywhere and you will protect your son.

 

Good luck i hope everything turns out good for your boy.

[Entropy Smith]

Your wife is with this guy to passive aggressively stick it to you...she still wants to be with you...that surburban wife thing...maybe not so great right now.

[Atticus90]

If he wants to live with you then he can.

Once a child hits 13, the reach the AOR ( age of responsibility ), which means they're legally able to choose which parent they want to live with. And your ex wife couldn't do anything about it.

 

AND if another guy was abusing my kid.

 

haa, lets just say you better get a prison cell reserved for me.

 

Don't go do that though lol. Call the police

[Metallica Lightning]

Your wife is with this guy to passive aggressively stick it to you...she still wants to be with you...that surburban wife thing...maybe not so great right now.

 

Uhm...What?

 

Anyway, the situation has been resolved now. Paul is living with me full time, and Jason came to work and apologized to me. I wasn't going to ask Paul to choose between Brooke and myself until I actually found out a while ago, that they're moving to California. My son didn't want to move, so he decided to stay with me.

 

Thank you everyone.

[rocio]

It sounds like you handled the situation well (you might be the one with the long hair and band t-shirts, but it sounds like they are the ones who truly have some growing up to do). I'm glad it worked out well.

 

I also didn't understand Entropy's comment.

[southerngirl]

I am glad he is living with you! His step-father sounds like he wanted to change him.

 

Its very hard to come into a childs life that is older than the age of 4 and be a parent. He was trying to take over that role, and your son didnt like it.

 

You sound like a good father, I hope it all works out for the best now.