update... NEED ADVICE (again hahaha)

[xxfitchick]

So for those of you who haven't read my thread, I'll give you a quick synopsis. My boyfriend of almost two years and I are currently on a "break" (no dating or hooking up with others) because I became very jealous/insecure/needy (i'm sure you know the story haha), we were supposed to get back together after two weeks, however, he claimed he needed more time because he did not yet feel as though he could fully forgive me and have a good time on his own without feeling obligated to check in ect... while in a relationship with me. He also wanted to become more outgoing and felt he still needed time to develop this. Obviously I was crushed but he assured me we would get back together over xmas break. Well, that is rapidly approaching (2 days!!!) and although I don't expect to get back together right away and am willing to be patient, I don't want to get let on and be his "girl friend" when it's convienient and "on a break" when it's not.

 

so here is the update: today he mentioned that he is going to an xmas/end of the year party at his fraternity on thursday (the day i come home) and made no attempt to invite me. This wouldn't concern me... expect this is the EXACT same thing he did when I came home last time (there was a stupid frat party so i didn't get to see him the day I came home) and I don't understand why he would not invite me if I am going to be his "girl friend" again (as in, involved in a committed relationship)... to me this illustrates that NOTHING has changed and I just wanted to get some thoughts as to whether or not I am just creating negative "signs" that do not mean anything and how I should handle the situation...

 

i just can't help but ignore the fact that this seems like dejavu, and after all my hard work while on this break it would be a damn shame to find out i've just been played by my best friend of five years. thanks all!

[melrich]

Well you are in a difficult position. Complain about it and you reinforce his issues with you. Do nothing and he sort of has you on a string.

 

For what it's worth, I don't think he is going to be getting back together with you in the nera future and maybe never.

 

I think for now you should move on with your own life and let him sort out his.

[thouse]

I agree I think he is just drawing this out so that you won't date other guys, but if he was going to fraternity parties I wouldn't give a f%^$3 about us being on a break. Think about this, why would you want to give him the power to say whether or not he is going to be in a relationship with you. You make up your mind, and if he doesn't fit into what you want then move on, who cares what he thinks. Women really give men to much power.

[xxfitchick]

I know exactly what I want, I want to be with him because he means the world to me. He's going to a fraternity party because he is in the fraternity... haha aka the party will be in his room. My concern isn't the party itself, hell, I can find a party to go to that night too... it's more the concern that nothing has changed as a result of the break, and I don't know how to discover if it has without pushing my luck. I am willing to be patient because I love him with all my heart and this break is primarily a result of my past actions.

 

how do I know the difference between him taking his space and simply stringing me along and how should I handle this situation (more specific than "move on" would be appreciated, givin that I do not want to give up on this yet)

[melrich]

Just live your own life. Do what you would do, go where you would go, see who you want to see with no reference to him.

 

I get that you want to be with him, but he doesn't want to be with you so that is the point you have to say, well I have my own life to lead.

[thouse]

Just because you want to be with him doesn't mean he wants to be with you. He didn't even invite you to the party. You said yourself that nothing has changed and from the looks of it he's not making any changes, so you can either accept him as he is, or pull the plug on patience.

[renaissancewoman101]

If you pull away and don't wait for him and go and live your own life, he might realize what he is missing. And he may come back. Not saying he will.