Is it a cop-out??

[Confusedlove]

Been together for 3 yrs and now he tells me he doesn't have the feeling he used to have for me? Is this a cop-out of some sort. Isn't it true that if he really wanted to be with me he would work through his feelings and emotions instead of just give up. I can't sleep, eat or focus on my life right now. I feel all time has stopped, I am so lost and need help!!! This is the man that just bought an engagement ring last month and couldn't wait to propose (we went together because he wanted me to be part of the decision). I am still in shock, this hasn't totally hit me yet. HELP!

[barbielovesmac]

Did you break up? Is he suggesting a break?

[AngryHeart]

Isn't it true that if he really wanted to be with me he would work through his feelings and emotions instead of just give up.

 

Pretty much, yes

 

Sorry you're feeling so bad, I know how you feel. It's so painful. SO MANY men get all serious, like the engagment ring and then RUN. My ex did the same. Well, not the ring, but he was telling me he can picture himself being with me for the rest of my life because I'm so great, there's nobody else out there that could make him feel this way, and we were planning on putting our names down to get a house together in January. *shrugs* who knows why they do it. But I'm afraid you are right - if someobody wants it THAT much they will work on their emtions. Maybe he will on his own, and he'll be back, maybe he won't. But the best thing to do is to leave him be to think about it by himself. Don't contact him and let him be with himself for a while. Maybe he will come round, but if he doesn't the no contact will help YOU to heal. I say all this but I haven't been able to do it with my ex

[Confusedlove]

Hello, the problem is that we live together and have a business together. we have a lot of financial things to sort out but i dont' really want to deal with it right now cause of my feelings. it is so tough. i have no idea what to do. i guess we can just try and be room mates until we get the financial stuff worked out.

[circi]

Does he have a friend's house he can go stay at least temporarily? Time away from you is the only way he's going to be able to miss you and find out if he does still have those feelings. And if he doesn't, it will be easier for you to heal and function if he's not there with you every night. If nothing else, you'll be able to process your own emotions and feelings.

 

Good luck!

[Confusedlove]

NO friends house unfortunately, he is moving out probably next week and starting over, by getting an apartment, etc. He is very nervous and scared. I love him dearly and hope he finds within himself whatever he is searching for. One day, I hope we can find each other again!

[yellow_sweater]

No friend's house? That's not your problem.

 

I know this sucks. While my ex-fiancee and I didn't have a business together, we did live together. The actual process of separation is really terrible.

 

The best thing you can do is kick his butt to the curb. I know your'e trying to be nice, I know you hope you can "find" each other again, but seriously, the man wants out--so give him what he wants. Once he sees what life is like without you being so darn nice to him, he will definitely think about what he left behind. Can't guarantee that will bring him back to you, but if you have your own space I CAN guarantee that will help with healing.

 

Good luck.

[Confusedlove]

Thank you all for the advice! We have both spoken last night and agree this is the best thing for us. As much as it hurts me, I have learned a valuable lesson that will stay with me for my entire life. I am so grateful for this experience and the lesson that came out of this. I have no regrets and feel good about how I feel. Of course, I still feel sad and will continue to go through the emotions - that is normal. He is leaving and I am ok with that. I asked to be present when he moves his stuff out so I can have closure and see it happen. We will still have contact for the business sake until tax time. But that is ok, I can keep it separate and be professional about it. I will always love him & he knows that. I will still give him his xmas gifts that I bought and his bday present since it is 4 days after xmas. I know I will be ok and I know I will get through this. It will be hard but I enjoy this forum to get all of your advice - it helps!!!

[yellow_sweater]

Good for you, darling. You'll be ok.

 

It's a good idea to be there as he packs up and leaves--make sure none of your stuff ends up in his suitcase, intentionally or intentionally!

 

(((hugs))) You will be ok. We're here to listen and support you.

 

YS