Finding it so hard to get over ex….

[nottingham28]

My gf broke up with me 5 months ago, and it’s left me still feeling desperate, we have been seeing each other ever since, and are acting just like we’re in a relationship, however when I asked her, she told me that she doesn’t want to be with me. I feel so lost, and very upset, on Friday, I saw her with another guy and I was drunk, I said thanks for doing it right in front of my face and now she is very annoyed with me and isn’t talking to me. I go travelling in jan and just wanted to have a great last month so that we couldhave happy memories of our time together. When I go travelling I won’t see her for 6 months as she is also going travelling. Should I contact her whilst I’m away?, I care so much for the girl… but I just feel so hurt by it all… I still want to be with her and can’t help but to hold on….

[pinkelephant]

no, get away from her.

[nottingham28]

is NC the best way of healing for me?...

[dqueen]

Yes it is. What are you hoping to accomplish with NC if you chose to pursue it?

[lakerfan3118]

i think what's eating you inside is the lack of closure, and i can think of one solution....

 

just give her an ultimadueum- not only for her, but for you. point blank, just ask her whether she sees any foreseeable future with you.

 

if she says no...then game over, and she isn't worth beating yourself up for.

that simple, and it's the only way of getting out of her spell.

 

good luck.

[cant find my smile]

i

 

just give her an ultimadueum- not only for her, but for you. point blank, just ask her whether she sees any foreseeable future with you.

 

if she says no...then game over.

 

While this may work for closure if she says no, then fine. But what if she says what my ex and what so many others have said - "I don't know what I want, there is a chance we could get back together in the future but I don't know when"

 

Then the OP is left in limbo, and from own experience it is a horrible place to be.

[HajiMaji]

My first ex was like this. We broke up but sorta didnt. It took me a long time to get over it all. I felt so much anxiety in the 'limbo' stage as someone said. Breaking up is so hard, but you are going through a lot by seeing her so often. The emotions havent had a chance to die down really.

 

Anyway, we are here for you.

[nottingham28]

Thanks alot, i really appreciate your comments... i have given her already the ultimatum of if she wants a relationship or not, she told me that she doesn't want a relationship with me or anybody, as we are going travelling in january and then off to university next year... however she strongly feels we might get back together in the future... whenever that may be.. so i guess i'm kind of left in limbo... by going NC... my aim would be to detach myself... and come to a stage where i dont think about hre 24/7 and where it doesn't hurt so much , everything reminds me of her... and it's not a nice place to be.

 

So my position with her now... is that we are meeting up until i go away, although we aren't currently talking due to what happened at the party... so i'm waiting for her to contact me... i just want to leave on the best note... but it's killing me... its only 29 days till i go away... and i just want to make the most of it... and have happy memories, but at the moment, i'm waiting for her to contact me, which might not happen for a while, and even then i'm getting treated badly, but i can't bring myself to just completely give up and leave it... i only feel that i can let go properly when i have to get on the plane and go... i'm sure u can all understand this.. but i literally cannot let go until then.. but right now... i'm in such limbo... and feel really hurt.....

[SarCareBear]

i only feel that i can let go properly when i have to get on the plane and go... i'm sure u can all understand this.. but i literally cannot let go until then.. but right now... i'm in such limbo... and feel really hurt.....

 

you feel that way because you've decided that you won't let go until you get on that plane!!!

 

some of the best advice i've ever heard: The mind is an excellent slave, and a terrible master. I think that applies to this situation. The mind will ALWAYS be your most powerful tool; it's the way you perceive your world. By DECIDING that you won't let go of this girl, you're making it quite easy for your mind to never let go.

 

however if you choose to accept the advice of the many people here, which is to wean yourself off your ex and re-focus your life priorities, you will RE-train your mind. that is basically how the healing process works. and trust me, from experience, the crying/begging/pleading/sorta-together-but-not type of breakup is a VERY painful process, that you don't have to put yourself through!

 

i see you're 19 years old and so am I; we're some of the youngest people on this board. but you're stronger than you know, and you have a choice. you can either put yourself through hell on earth trying to control the way this girl feels about you and treats you (IMPOSSIBLE) or you can LET GO. you will realize you deserve better, and deserve to be happy, and though its hard the best way to do that is to start to phase her out like a drug and begin to heal. and if she wants to come back and give you the love and respect you deserve, the only way to find out is to let her come to you.

 

i'm going through a breakup and time and space are magic. patience is a virtue, one that i naturally find difficult, trust me. still...take your distance and allow yourself inner peace. read some of the sticky NC posts that explain more eloquently than i will why NC is the greatest gift you can give to yourself after a breakup.

 

best of luck with everything whatever you do, but try to remember that you deserve to be happy, and no one should be a big cause of your misery.

[nottingham28]

i feel that this is the best way, and i'm going total nc when i finally get away, but for now , i must go lc...we have already bought each other alot of presents, and i have booked a short stay away from home before i leave... , i am not willing to just throw all that hard earned money down the drain, so i will remain in Lc and see her those two times before i go and then that will be it.... thoughts?