Sex

[KAT MOMMY]

How long should you wait to become intimate and why?

 

 

any and all advice would be helpful......

[shikashika]

I don't think this is a black and white question... because... everyone and every relationship is different.

 

you could ask 100 0000 peopleon here, and get 100 000 responses, and maybe NONE of them are right for you.

 

Do it when you feel ready, when you feel its right... or if you feel like it.

 

I know a number of people who married what started out as a one night stand. I know people who were high school sweethearts who waited a few years , i know people who did it on the first date and on the 20th date and it all worked out.

 

I don't think you can find answers out for YOURSELF by asking what someone else would do!

 

Good luck!

[colors]

the right amount of time to wait is 7 years. why? because I like the number 7.

 

 

totally kidding..

 

I fully agree with shikashika. everyone & every relationship is different. some relationships I've waited many months. Others were first or second date.

You have to find what's right (comfortable) for you in this relationship.

[ghost69]

depends on you. whatever you are comfortable with. maybe you get caught up in a moment or maybe you stop the moment from happening. it's your life, do it when you are comfortable. some people are okay on a first date, some wait til marriage. there is no set time.

[KAT MOMMY]

I totally understand where you guys are coming from but what always seems like the right time-is never really the appropriate time. In the past I would do it when the mood struck me and the moment felt right but nowadays I am in a different place and time in my life. I mean I like my guy a lot and I feel as if the feeling is mutual and I want it to be special the first time but I still want him to respect me and look at me in the same light as he does now. For instances he calls everyday, texts and is interested. I am a bit confused because I don't know what to do!

 

I know it may sound very lame but it is true. I do realize everyone is different but what is a reasonable amount of time? A week, three weeks, a month?

 

Like we were talking about relationships this past weekend and he said that he would not be able to make someone hs g/f if he has not slept with her-sorta like he needs to test the goods before he can say he wants to be with a female. now that took me by total surprise because we haven't done it at all. So I am not sure if that was a hint or not; but in any event we spent that night together and I didn't break---very hard to do--but I managed to hold it back. I don't want him to lose interest and I don't want him to think of me as a * * * * either

[servedcold]

It depends on so many things, mainly on whether both are comfortable with it. Waited 4 dates this goround, but we formed a connection based on a similar background and many friends and experiences in common, together with "getting" each other's sense of humor, personality and life goals, it wasn't just sexual chemistry, and things seem to be going just fine.

[KAT MOMMY]

See that is just it. I like him alot, we are on the same page as far as life and our directions, he is positive, we vibe and get along really well. I want to become closer to him and I don't know any other way besides sexual chemistry.

 

He is actually OK with waiting and is so non-chalant about the whole situation and it was cute in the start but now I am starting to wonder--is that normal?

[Atticus90]

Everyone's different. I don't have a specific date and time for you, but you should wait until you know the person you're with and make sure she/he is the one for you.

[ghost69]

you can continue to meet on a mental level. why do you think you need sex to make it more intense?

[servedcold]

He is actually OK with waiting and is so non-chalant about the whole situation and it was cute in the start but now I am starting to wonder--is that normal?

 

It's normal for a guy to kind of turn off the heat when waiting for his girl to get comfortable IMO. If you are on the same page in life and the attraction has greater foundation than just physical, wouldn't second guess too much at this point. A month or so down the road, if he is still indifferent, might wonder some then if he's getting it somewhere else or has a medical problem.

 

I would cut out the sleepovers until you are ready for sex though, for the average guy these can be really frustrating even though he doesn't show it. I imagine they are frustrating for you as well!

[JeckyllNHyde]

I think what the others mean (if not this is my opinion) is it all depends on where you both are emotionally or if you just want to keep things physical.

If you just want something physical, and don't care if you have something serious with someone, it won't really matter of course.

 

But if your looking for a meaningfull longterm relationship where you want an emotional connection, IMO put the sex on hold. Get to know them, outside physical stuff as well, go to movies, dinners, walks, out, anywhere, spend time talking and all.

Go slowly. I personally used to just jump into the kiss on the first date and who cared if we got physical. (That's what I thought... boy was I wrong). I used to think: "hey! If the connection is there, it's there and why should he judge me if we sleep together?" Yea right haha, you would be surprised how sex can ruin the chances of things becoming more. I remember once (sex didn't happen but) we went past making out and got a bit naked the first date. Needless to say I ruined all chances of the guy ever seeing me as gf material, so I see what you mean about not wanting to appear s**tty.

Same also happened when I got intimate with my first bf about 1-2 months into seeing each other. We had sex too soon and I never got to open my eyes and see that he just was never that much of a good bf, and treated me like crap. I was blinded by the sex.

 

Ok enough babble and examples, down to my point, lol:

have sex with the guy when you know your not gonna regret it if he doesn't call (this is if you want to have sex soon, like within the first few dates).

Or if you really do like the guy and would be saddened if he suddenly stopped calling just cause he "got in your pants", I say wait till you see clear signs he is truly interested. This could be withing a few weeks, but usually you see more clear signs and form more of a bond after 2-3 months of dating.

[KAT MOMMY]

You see that is my issue, I am attracted to him and I know the basics about him and from what I sense he is a great big humble pie! I just don't know what else to talk about now and it's crazy!! Last time we stayed up really late just joking around and listening to music and I mean shortly afterwards he had feel asleep. I mean it was late and I had already told him that we are going to wait to have sex; but I honestly did not know what else to talk about!!!!! WOW I know right and usually I am the natural chatterbox-sometimes I may talk too much but with this one-I am finding myself thinking my comments over before I speak them. I just feel like I can open up to him a little bit more after the first time. Is that stupid?? Like now when we talk on the phone. The first 3-5 mins are awesome and then it's like I really have nothing else to say or ask? Is this normal and if not what else is it that you talk about to keep the thrill flowing

[wiser]

How long should you wait to become intimate and why?

 

I screwed my stbx on our first date, we lasted 18 years, and the marital breakdown had nothing to do with sex. 3 women since I moved out a year ago...intimate within a few weeks with all of them.

 

Why? Because they didn't want to be intimate sooner.

[jsx730]

You should wait until you are married, of course!

[JeckyllNHyde]

See that is just it. I like him alot, we are on the same page as far as life and our directions, he is positive, we vibe and get along really well. I want to become closer to him and I don't know any other way besides sexual chemistry.

 

He is actually OK with waiting and is so non-chalant about the whole situation and it was cute in the start but now I am starting to wonder--is that normal?

 

You don't know any other way to get closer? For sure you do!

Sex isn't all you have to offer right?

I'm sure you can offer him some things no other girls can, which sets you apart from other girls aside from looks and sex..

I mean yea they are a big deal in a relationship but so is your character and all the things you have to bring to the table. Like caring for him, doing the little things, being there for him to listen, sharing things....

An emotional bond will hook a person longer/and is way stronger then a sexual bond.

 

The first 3-5 mins are awesome and then it's like I really have nothing else to say or ask? Is this normal and if not what else is it that you talk about to keep the thrill flowing

 

No that's completely normal.

It;s not like your alwayssss going to have something fun or interesting to say no matter how much of a chatterbox you are.

Maybe don't try too hard or think too hard. Be yourself, and over time you get closer and closer the more you get to know someone and open up. You can't expect to get close in just a few weeks. You guys started of as strangers... ANd are getting to know each other. I think since you feel like you want to get closer, and the only way you feel you know how is sex, maybe means (if you want a special relationship with him) is to take the time to get to know him better and vice versa. You can't use sex to "cover up" the fact that sometimes you don't know how to bond with him. Makes sense?

[KAT MOMMY]

OK---almost there.. you guys are awesome. Different strokes for different folks and i do agree with the cutting the sleepovers out until the sex is a go. I figured this out too--he's getting it Christmas!!!! I figure if he doesn't like it then he won't ask me to become exclusive if he loves it then all should be cool! I would feel some type of way if he in fact disses me thereafter but no use crying over spilled milk. Until then I will try my best to keep it casual and have him do the calling now just to see how interested he really is

[KAT MOMMY]

I screwed my stbx on our first date, we lasted 18 years, and the marital breakdown had nothing to do with sex. 3 women since I moved out a year ago...intimate within a few weeks with all of them.

 

Why? Because they didn't want to be intimate sooner.

 

LMAO--You are so wild!!!! if they wanted it bet you would have gave in ASAP huh???

[Dating Coach]

the right amount of time to wait is 7 years. why? because I like the number 7.

 

Make it 7 days then.

[JeckyllNHyde]

OK---almost there.. you guys are awesome. Different strokes for different folks and i do agree with the cutting the sleepovers out until the sex is a go. I figured this out too--he's getting it Christmas!!!! I figure if he doesn't like it then he won't ask me to become exclusive if he loves it then all should be cool! I would feel some type of way if he in fact disses me thereafter but no use crying over spilled milk. Until then I will try my best to keep it casual and have him do the calling now just to see how interested he really is

 

Well that's great!

As long as your not going to get attatched and cry after if he doesn't want more, go for it...

[wiser]

LMAO--You are so wild!!!! if they wanted it bet you would have gave in ASAP huh???

 

I would have had to consider how the other patrons in the restaurant would have felt about it.

[KAT MOMMY]

You don't know any other way to get closer? For sure you do!

Sex isn't all you have to offer right?

I'm sure you can offer him some things no other girls can, which sets you apart from other girls aside from looks and sex..

I mean yea they are a big deal in a relationship but so is your character and all the things you have to bring to the table. Like caring for him, doing the little things, being there for him to listen, sharing things....

An emotional bond will hook a person longer/and is way stronger then a sexual bond.

 

OK Jeckyl I do understand where you are coming from but nowadays these guys don't want to even start to trust a female that they are not or haven't been intimate. Plus I was a player when I began to date so all the details of relationships I somehow missed. I mean I know how to treat a man like a man, how to make him comfortable as far as the home front is concerned because I was with my daughter's father for 7 years. You see but that started when I was 19 and i had my little girl at 21 so as far as the actual dating deal I really don't know how to go about it. My heart was torn apart and I am also a little nervous about things now. I am over the pain and i am over the scared part/ I just don't want to scare this guy away. My cousin actually told me that I need to soften up because I go too hard. I mean I listen to him when he talks, and he knows that I am there for him too. What else, cooking for him? Treating for dinner, calling to say I miss you???? Please help me out hun=I am really seriously clueless....WOW

 

If I were just out to get something from him then I would know what position to play with him but I don't NEED his money. I want his time, affection, and attention-most off his love

[KAT MOMMY]

Well I guess the reason I am confused is because this guy has surpassed all the others! I had a staring line-up of 5 and within 3 weeks he is the only one standing!! Like it's wild and intersting at the same time. I usually don't repect guys off the bat and futhermore, I just don't trust them at all and most of the time it never goes beyond a few movie, dinner dates etc....This guy I totally respect him like really. I don't want to lie to him, I don't want to stand him up and for the first time I am not obsessing over him. I am a nut case--heavy thinker and plus I am a Cancer so you know how emotional I can be-but I actually like this flow--a lot. And it is probably because NO SEX is involved.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Ahh yes, I see why you became hard. I too am or was that way (not b/c I was much of a player, but mostly b/c I had my heart torn apart a few times). Really tough to open up. But when the right guy comes along, I slowly do open up.

It happens really slowly. Cooking him dinner is a nice thing. Maybe a friendly phone call just to say hi once in a while. Just don't do anything forced, do it b/c you just really feel like doing it and you know he will like it.

Say for instance you feel really weird calling just to say "hey I miss you"

Don't do it. I usually would do other small "diffrent" sweet things, like hmm, say you went to the groceries, you buy him his fave cookies, ya know, like small things.

I'm dating a guy right now, we text alot for instance, doesn;t work for all people and alot of people dont like it. But for us it's just a small way to show we are thinking about each other thru out the day, just texts like "hey how are you? hope you have a great day.. thinking about you" etc..

Or just other convos about what we are upto. It's tricky though when opening up and showing you care. You gotta be carefull and be sure the other person is liking your gestures.

Like some guy/girl yor doing grand gestures for could also be like: jeez! why wont she stop smothering me?

But if they feel mutual, they let you know they really like it, and sometimes even do sweet things in return.

[colors]

-but I actually like this flow--a lot. And it is probably because NO SEX is involved.

 

that's true. that probably has a lot to do with why you're liking the flow, it's something different...everything seems so 'pure' & right because it's not necessarly complicated by sex. (which is awesome,no doubt, but can also complicate matters) You know if you are uncertain of the right thing to do, I know this might sound silly...but pray about it. hugs & smiles

[yeawutever]

It depends on both you and the person you're dating.