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Nearly six months have passed...good grief!

Andy_2007

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Andy_2007 Enthusiast

Andy_2007

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Really...GOOD GRIEF.

 

Nearly six months?! Six bloody months?! Nearly six months since she dumped me?!

 

I have no idea where that time has gone. This realisation hit me as I awoke with an annoying shaft of sunlight shining on me betwixt my curtains....

 

Thats quite an amount of time, you know. Half a year...Half a year since I saw her in the flesh or heard her voice.

 

Any other bugger I hadn't seen in six months (close family and friends excluded) would be completely off my radar by now.

 

And a lot can happen to a person in half a year. And it's struck me that I really have no idea who my ex is anymore. No idea what she's thinking, feeling, planning. No idea if she's happy or sad. Healthy or unhealthy. Thin or fat. What she's doing tomorrow, next week, next year...She could have contracted warts or had her eyes plucked out by ravening seagulls and I'd have no clue (wishful thinking on that one, though).

 

I've been holding on to this petrified image of her in my head. The way she was and the person she was when she was with me. This person now no longer exists. That's who she was, not who she is. So, why do i still think of her as being like that? As the person who loved me? When she's not!

 

So what's the point in carrying on thinking about it? None! Does it matter how she feels now? Nope! Is she the person I fell in love with? Nope!

Have I spent far too long on the past and not on the present and future? Yep!

 

This message brought to you by T.C.F.T.R.O.T.B.O

 

(The campaign for the realisation of the blindingly obvious)

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yellow_sweater Contributor

yellow_sweater

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Know what, Andy? I've given myself a few minutes to think about The Ex today after lunch. And once I'd given myself permission to think and feel instead of fighting it--

 

--I had nothing to think or feel!!!

 

Like, I can't imagine what he's doing at work, because he has a new job. I can't imagine him going home, because he's in a new city in a new apartment. I can't imagine what he's doing tonight, because he's probably met all new people.

 

Then my mind naturally wandered to what I would be doing tonight... which would be celebrating a new friend's birthday at a reggae (!) party... which is something that The Ex 1) would not know about, and 2) would never expect.

 

I'm not the same. He's not the same.

 

^This^ is called moving on, and once you see it in action, you know

 

IT WORKS.

 

Congrads, dude. Count me in on the T.C.F.T.R.O.T.B.O. Can I make posters with rainbows on them?

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LFG Rookie

LFG

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Posted

Andy_2007 -

 

I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do and I'm sure that a lot of other people here do too. Like me, you sound like a rational / logical type and it is unbelievably hard for people like us to deal with the unexplained or with things that don't follow a structured pattern (i.e., 6 months is a lot of time, thereforeeee I MUST have healed. The end).

 

I believe that we still think and feel this way for three reasons:

 

1. We haven't replaced them yet. This is really the biggest reason. And by replacing I don't mean just dating someone else. I mean falling hard, head over heels for someone new. We can date so many people, but as you know, we can count on our fingers the number of people we fall hard for. Unconsciously, I believe that knowing that it is hard to fall in love keeps us stuck in the past. Letting go of those feelings completely means in a way that you are letting go of part of how you identify yourself - a guy who is madly in love with another person. Pscyhologists call this "addiction to self".

 

2. Not enough time has passed. In everyday life, time is something that we want to have control over and measure. Unfortunately, for love and other mysteries of life (think of how slowly the universe evolves), everything is in light years.

 

Think of how hard it would be to stop a cat from running in the kitchen every time his owner pulls the can opener. Its brain is conditioned to associate that action to food. In our case, we have to learn to stop associating our exes to love. This is why falling in love with someone else helps so much.

 

3. We have not accepted that we haven't accepted. In a way, by trying not to feel the way we feel, we are trying to deny the pain. It is better to just accept the fact that you don't accept the fact that you are still hooked. Just let you feel the way you feel and carry on with your life. In other words, make peace with the pain.

 

Finally, when these thoughts occur to you, remind yourself that you WILL fall in love again. This is all temporary. The reason I know you will is that you have proven that you are a guy who can be in relationships and that has a lot of love to give. Eventually, you will see yourself in a situation in which someone else will come in the picture. It usually happens when we least expect, which is also mysterious but so exciting nonetheless.

 

LFG

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dqueen Contributor

dqueen

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I am going to be approaching 4 months since the breakup in about two weeks and I feel the same way as you Andy. But I have to keep reminding myself that I have been in this position before with the same feelings in the past, and I know that I survived. 6 months IS a lot of time but don't think that you should be all up and giddy and have a new gf by now. These 4 months for me feel like a day. Perhaps I say this because the wounds for me are still fresh and the pain hasn't lessened. I was cheated on, and as the dumper, it is STILL hard to let go. I know this relationship is over but have I accepted it? No. My mind wanders back to him every now and then but I am able to carry out my daily tasks and still find time to enjoy life. I will keep riding the waves until I reach the shore however long it takes. I do believe that I will find love again, and so will you.

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orchidrose Collaborator

orchidrose

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This past Saturday was one of the hardest days I've had in awhile. Things were reminding me of him, I was just feeling down, and I broke down crying in the shower. And then late that night I realized that it was six months to the day since we broke up. My situation was a bit different, as we reunited a few times in the last several months, but it's still been six months since we stopped being a regular couple.

 

I think LFG is spot on. I've gone out on a few dates since the breakup and would classify myself as actively seeking someone, but I have not been close to feeling the same way about another guy as I did about him. After each date I find myself thinking back to our first date - what he did, what I did, how he felt afterwards. I find myself looking for clues that I may end up liking a new guy as much as I liked him, and I never find them.

 

The six month mark is a really bizarre place to be at. I know that I'm not over it, but I keep lying to myself that I am. We were only together 9 months. It's strange to think that almost as much time as passed since we've been apart.

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Andy_2007 Enthusiast

Andy_2007

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brigid8: Brilliant pic. Never have I seen a better combination of rainbow and slightly surprised looking chicken in my life.

 

I feel the beginning of a beautiful organisation, dedicated to spreading the word of the blindingly obvious to all those who come seeking solace under our new church.

 

I'm thinking of buying a garish robe and REALLY BIG HAT.

 

Let us hope that our ranks swell and we can march on Washington / London with our heads held high.

 

Viva la revolucion!!

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