Sending Holiday Greetings to The Ex

[sbux_addict]

YAY or NAY?

[delerium6]

Probably depends on everyone's unique situation.

 

But it's definitely a NAY for me.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

why? holidays can make one nostalgic or lonely, but are not a good excuse to establish contact... if the person is in the 'just friends' mode they'll think, 'how nice' then forget about it. if they're hoping you will go away, they'll just sigh and say, 'oh bother, here they are again...'

 

so think of the desire as a knee jerk reaction to the holidays, and unless you are good friends and don't expect anything out of the contact, don't do it.

[bustertypsy]

If there are still feelings invovled then don't do it!

If the feelings are gone,then why do it??

If there is genuine friendship,what the hell,go and do it!!

[violingirl]

Personally, it's NAY. My ex hasn't bothered calling me all year (and beyond) to ask how I am doing, even though I reached out to him last year and early this year. This year, he couldn't even bother responding to a simple e-mail from me. Thus, I owe him nothing and he deserves nothing from me.

[arwen]

Unless you want to spend your Xmas waiting for a response, NAY.

 

If you are really in the 'I don't want more than friendship with the ex' place, you wouldn't hesitate sending a card in the first place.

 

Arwen

[kool_kid_86]

i auctually am sort of in the same boat. i want to say merry x-mas to my ex. we spent over 1/4 of our lives together, and it was both of our first relationship. this x-mas will be the first time in a long time that we are spending x-mas apart. i am with another girl, and she is having a long distance relationship with another guy.

 

i figured that i am just going to call her up and tell her merry xmas. nothing more, unless she wants to meet up and get a slurpee (we both love slurpees).

 

i still am debating whether or not i should call her. i just want to make sure she is alrite, but i don't want to intrude in her space, since i've noticed she is trying to forget about our past.

[AngryHeart]

If you are really in the 'I don't want more than friendship with the ex' place, you wouldn't hesitate sending a card in the first place.

 

Arwen

 

 

I agree totally.

[Portage]

NO. Move on and keep the good memories. You'll be disappointed in the end result.

[moxi_crimefighter]

me my self id have to say NO. like onelastgo said move on and keep the good memories

[Clementine orange]

It all depends on the breakup situation, how long ago it was, why it was, and what you hope to gain from it.

 

I've sent them. To the ones that I was pretty sure would welcome it.

[shes2smart]

Nay on my part.

 

My last ex probably wishes he decided not to after the fact. He sent me a holiday greeting via email 3 years after we broke up. It was holiday greeting and fishing expedition to see what I was up to. I hadn't spoken to him since I caught him cheating and broke up with him.

 

When we split, I told my ex I never wanted to see or speak to him again. Ever. I kept my word when he sent the Christmas email.

 

I let my husband answer it.

[MushroomGod]

I'm going to say Nay as well

[sbux_addict]

Thanks everyone for your responses.

 

I'm vacillating whether or not I should.

 

We broke up about a month ago, after a 6 month on and off relationship. I knew him for about less than a year before we got together. We were friends, and we run in the same community and professional circles.

 

He broke up with me because he said he can't be in a full-time relationship, and he cannot give me what I want. He's divorced, with two kids to take care of. Oh, and he's 30 years older than I am!

 

We kept the communication lines open. When we broke up, I told him not to call me, and he said that he won't ever call me, and that he'll delete my number from his cell. I said email is ok, and he agreed. He wanted to remain friends, and work on this community project together, but I said I'll contact him when I'm ready...or when I get a new bf.

 

Do I still have feelings for him?

Yes, but of a different kind.

 

Do I want to get back together with him?

No.

 

Will I be upset if I find out he's dating?

I'd be hurt, but I won't be devastated.

 

So...what is your diagnosis?

[Zeter]

No, don't send it. Your mailman will be grateful.

 

Now, another question, especially for the dumpees amongst us. What if a Christmas card arrives from your dumper? Reactions please?

 

Zeter

[-BK-]

No, don't send it. Your mailman will be grateful.

 

Now, another question, especially for the dumpees amongst us. What if a Christmas card arrives from your dumper? Reactions please?

 

Zeter

 

I don't think I'll get a card from my dumper, but if one does come... I'll just read it and set it aside. I'm not breaking NC just based on a Christmas Card. It's not a real attempt to want to speak with me. It is just a symbol that at one point she cared about me. I get a Christmas Card every year from one ex (we broke up 10 years ago) and she is married with 3 kids. We don't communicate in any other way. It's nice, but we're not friends.

[arwen]

 

We kept the communication lines open. When we broke up, I told him not to call me, and he said that he won't ever call me, and that he'll delete my number from his cell. I said email is ok, and he agreed. He wanted to remain friends, and work on this community project together, but I said I'll contact him when I'm ready...or when I get a new bf.

 

Do I still have feelings for him?

Yes, but of a different kind.

 

Do I want to get back together with him?

No.

 

Will I be upset if I find out he's dating?

I'd be hurt, but I won't be devastated.

 

So...what is your diagnosis?

 

Well, if you were sure that there is no risk at all of getting your feelings hurt, you wouldn't hesitate to send him something as trivial as a Xmas card. However, you WERE lovers before and chances are that you will still be wondering what he's thinking once the mailman has delivered your card. So why not chose for the easy option and not send anything?

[yellow_sweater]

I'm sending one to The Ex's parents. I'll probably send a holiday/ Happy First Anniversary message to The Ex's sister-in-law. I was/am very close with them, and just because their son/brother-in-law is an @sshat doesn't mean that they don't deserve some holiday cheer from the Yellow Sweater Quadrant!

 

Definitely nothing for The Ex. I save my holiday cheer for nice people. Heh.

[yellow_sweater]

P.S.

 

When we split, I told my ex I never wanted to see or speak to him again. Ever. I kept my word when he sent the Christmas email.

 

I let my husband answer it.

 

This is amazing. Niiice.

[beebee]

if you REALLY want your ex to have a MERRY CHRISTMAS, then send a greeting... personally i hope my ex has a skiing accident... lol...

 

you have to decipher when you really want to wish someone good tidings (and all that other stuff)... or is it that you want them to 1) think about you, even if its only for a second or 2) respond and break the ice for some dialogue...

 

dig deep for your answer... it might surprise you...

 

hugs... beebee

[sbux_addict]

Thanks everyone for your responses...

 

Well, I just broke NC. I feel dumb. I sent him an email yesterday, sending him my regards because the professional/community circle we're both a part of is giving him a reception because he's leaving his job. I told him that I cannot attend (like, duh, does he care?) but I wanted to send my regards, and also send him greetings for the Holidays.

 

No response yet.

 

When we broke up a month ago, he said that we could email each other, but I asked him not to call me, and he said he won't, and he'll delete my number from his cell. He said email is ok...and maybe we can be friends after some time apart. I told him, I'll contact him when I'm ready or when I have a bf already...but...

 

SHIET, I feel absolutely dumb! I mean, my goal really was just to send him my regards, I don't want to get back together, I want to break the ice, so to speak. I want to be his friend, like he said. The break-up wasn't ugly - he broke up with me because he said he cannot be in a full-time relationship because he has 2 kids to tend to, and his job. Although I almost begged him to stay and the break-up was really emotional, it was amicable. And I'm fine now...I just don't like this whole "Not talking" thing.

 

Any advice?

[sbux_addict]

The above quote is from another post you have going on right now. I say let this goooooooo. For your own peace of mind. You are not fully healed and still have that hope for reconcilliation. Give yourself the time to get over him.

 

Yeap, it is...

 

I just feel so stupid. You're right maybe I'm not fully healed, although I am NOT hoping for reconcilliation anymore...

 

I don't know what I want. I want him in my life, but not in a boyfriend way...

 

And now I'm driving myself crazy over this!!!!

 

*SIGH*

[sbux_addict]

Well, I guess I just tend to be so neurotic. I'll give it a week. If he doesn't reply, then, whatever... I just don't like it when people say, they're gonna be friends, and then you don't hear from them. It's not like I said anything along the lines of getting back together...I really don't want to.

[sbux_addict]

Sometimes thats an easy line out of the relationship. To let you down a little easier. Sort of a buffer to the breakup. I don't think you could handle a friendship with him. Especially, if he said he had a new gal he was dating. That would not set well with you. Right?

 

That's true, although he insisted on wanting to be friends after a "break" from each other, and he also insisted on me contacting him so we could work together on this project that I had envisioned. He even said, "I pinky promise you, I'll help you out on it, and I don't break pinky promises..." well, not that I am counting on that, but still, I think if he honestly didn't want to continue a friendship, he could just say so. He's a grown man, I don't think he's the type who would say, "Let's be friends" for the sake of doing so. It's either you say, "I don't want to hear from you again." or "I don't want to keep in touch." That's not too hard...He even told me, "If we become friends again, I don't want to hear you talking about your boyfriend..." blah, blah...

 

If I see him with a new gal - well, it would sting a bit, but I won't be devastated over it. I just don't want him as a bf, but as I friend, I can do.

[sbux_addict]

Look your going to do whatever it is you want to do. Other posters have advised you as to what you might want to consider. You are thinking in tunnel vision right now. He is this great great guy, etc, etc, etc. People promise things all the time and break them. Look at those who are divorced, they swore in front of witnesses and God they would be together till death do them part. So promises are relative. If you want to constantly be in a state of panic and worry stay on the track you are on. It is your life.

 

I don't know what rattled your cage...I know this is my life, I am going to do whatever I want to do. I came to post here not to argue or debate with anybody, but to gain perspective, and I certainly don't appreciate people like you who seem to foil that goal. I'm asking for people's opinions and thoughts, not their criticism. Half of the people here are acting/feeling the same way I do, and it doesn't help if somebody like you have to be mean about it...