he got me something 2years ago that i still havent paid back n he throws it at me

[cheekychic]

a little over 2 years ago, the BF was trying to be clever and fix the sound on my computer that wasnt working and broke it my computer totaly. i was gutted and quite upset and asked if he'd help with costs to have someone look at it to see if it could be repaird (£45). it was looked at and it couldnt be repaird

 

i guess he realsied how gutted i was coz a few days later he rang me up and told me he had just paid for a brand new one for me and it would be delivered to my place on such n such a date.. he said he loved me so much and he jsut wanted to see me happy again.

he did say i would have to pay him back though but it was no rush as he knew i wasnt in the best financial position being a single mum.

 

i used to have a little dream of being a dj and over time i had collected some rare Drum n bass records, i no longer used them but as alot of them took alot of searching for and were worth a fair bit of money.. i wanted to keep them.

he asked if he could have them (he does a bit of dj-ing) and he would knock it off some of the debt that i owe him for the computer. i didnt want to part with these records but i reluctantyl agreed as it would be less that i owed him... so he took them and then knocked £250 off what i owe him.

 

after that i have him £70 in little bits n bobs n since then i jsut really havent been able to afford to pay him any more as i moved house and the bills here are so much more expensive and food and clothes for my daugther and getting more expensive as she gets bigger. trust me i want to pay him back n get the debt off my shoulders but i just have to pay bills and things for daughter before i can pay him back.

 

now there was this time last valentines day when we had a very big argument where i feel he totaly over reacted and jsut went bezerk on me screamign n shouting at me then said he wasnt going to spend the rest of the day with me and go for the meal we had planned and i got hystercial and upset as i had been looking 4ward to the valentines day so i started crying and begging him not to go. in ended with him getting in his car a while of me standing in front of the door begging him not to go n then i stood in the middle of the driveway to try n stop him leaving (very stupid i know, i learnd my lesson after this one so no need to tel me what a prat i was) but it didnt stop him n he drive anyway but crashed into a tree where he tried to avoid me.

 

anyway afte rthat he dumped me and i was heartbroken and i told him id seel some of my things to pay fo some of the damage to the car as it wsa my own fault for standing in the driveway trying to stop him from driving off.

my friends all told me not to sell anything of mine just to keep him sweet so i planned on giving him some whenever i could

 

anyway... i never have been able to help out with that money n that was 10 months ago now.. and coupled with the money i owe him for the PC ... he does use it to throw at me sometimes, like if anything is mentiond about money or something similar is talked about he will say "well u still owe me al lthat money" he acts as if im deliberatly trying to let it slip past unpaid but i do want to pay him back with all my heart.

he has used it a few times to make me feel bad but he doesnt rememebr that n sais im lying.

 

my friends all say he is an a-hole for keep bringing it up to make me feel bad and that he was the one who chose to get me the pc even though he knew my financial situation. a couple of friends even say he should be expecting nothing back. but i dissagree with that.... i accepted the pc so i know i should pay it as soon as i can. not sure about the car crash thing though

 

what do u thinkl????

[EQD]

So he breaks your computer.. and then he makes you pay him back for the new one..And makes you feel like crap for "owing him on it"..

Then he wrecks his own damn car when it was obviously his fault because he was being an a--hole.. and you offer to pay for the damages????

 

You don't owe him anything but a firm breakup for being a selfish and manipulative pig.

 

Please get away from this fool Cheekychic! The more you talk about him the worse he sounds! He's totally abusive and uncaring! You have your daughter to worry about you know, you don't need to be showing her that this is acceptable behavior, she will grow up thinking this type of emotional abuse is okay!

[lostcat]

Sweetheart, I think you bagged yourself a right a-hole.

On that note, however, I don't know either of you, so...

My advice concerning his constant financial pestering? Sign a contract with him, stating that whenever you have a bit of extra money, in excess of a certain amount over how much you living expenses are, he'll be the recipient.

Maybe he'll shut up about it then.

[Superfreak]

The details of the car crash are a bit unclear to me but to me it seems that you don't owe him anything for that. You do however owe him for the PC...in a moral sense, not in a legal sense. If he took you to court over the cost the judge would probably say it was a gift to you and he shouldn't expect it back. But realistically, you know you owe him the PC money. If he's being mean to you just ignore it and try to pay back the PC costs as soon as you can to get him out of your life. Sell some things if you have to or put in a few more hours at work maybe? I'm sure raising a child costs alot but it shouldn't take too long to pay off a couple of hundred dollars in a reasonable time frame.

[EQD]

But realistically, you know you owe him the PC money.

 

Read the part where it said he trashed her computer..

here it is:

 

"the BF was trying to be clever and fix the sound on my computer that wasnt working and broke it my computer totaly."

 

It sounds like he OWED her a computer dont you think?

I know if something small like the sound was broke on mine, and then anyone came waltzing in and tried to fix it but instead TRASHED IT BEYOND ALL REPAIR.. i think they would owe me a computer!

[JadedStar]

If I were you or if you were a family member of mine that I cared about and was advising I would say to leave him, (it is unclear if you two are still together, i think you are?), get out of this situation pronto as you two sound as if you are becoming toxic for one another and I would pay him back for the PC but not for the car. YOu might have been standing in front of the car but unless you jumped in front of a moving car he didn't have to move forward until you were out of the way.

 

If the car was moving and you jumped in front of it and he swerved just to miss you and hit the tree, then yes, you should pay for the damage. If the car was still and you stood in front of it in hopes he wouldn't leave but he decided to swerve around you and move the car anyway then it is his fault.

[JadedStar]

Read the part where it said he trashed her computer..

here it is:

 

"the BF was trying to be clever and fix the sound on my computer that wasnt working and broke it my computer totaly."

 

It sounds like he OWED her a computer dont you think?

I know if something small like the sound was broke on mine, and then anyone came waltzing in and tried to fix it but instead TRASHED IT BEYOND ALL REPAIR.. i think they would owe me a computer!

 

 

Like was already stated it is a moral obligation not a legal obligation. HE did break it initially but only because he was trying to fix it for her and she likely was complaining that it was broken or asked him to fix it so he tried - if nothing else paying him for at least half of a brand new one since the one he broke was NOT new would be fair and just.

 

 

With the depreciation rate on PC's the value of that old one wtih a broken sound card was probably only a FRACTION of the value of a brand new one. Even after only six months the value of PC's go way way down ...

[beauty21]

a little over 2 years ago, the BF was trying to be clever and fix the sound on my computer that wasnt working and broke it my computer totaly.

 

He took it upon himself to try and fix your computer when obviously he didn't know what the hell he was doing. You owe him nothing. He should be a man and realize he broke it and shouold cover the costs for a new one, since it couldn't be repaired.

 

As far as the car damages go, not your fault he is not a strong driver. You shouldn't have blocked him from leaving, but still he hit the tree it's his fault.

 

Your bf sounds like a real piece of work. If he loved you and wanted to see you happy, then why is he being a * * * * * about money for a computer that HE tried to fix and broke. He sounds like a loser. You and your daughter would be better off without him. When are you going to see him for who he is?

[JadedStar]

I don't think the OP is blameless here....we don't know what precipitated their arguments and it is not really fair at this point to blame it entirely on this guy.

 

Standing in front of a car when a person is trying to leave is not entirely "not crazy" all in itself.

[EQD]

"He should be a man and realize he broke it and shouold cover the costs for a new one, since it couldn't be repaired"

"When are you going to see him for who he is?"

 

thats what i am screaming! jeez, this man is bad news.

[cheekychic]

the car wasnt moving when i first stood in front of it no, but he kept inching it forward trying to nudge me out of the way slowly n then i fell in the mud so he tried to reverse it quickily so he could drive round me and reversed striaght into a tree.

[EQD]

lets put it this way people..

If you had a nice NICE chair, and you told your bf that it had a little snag on it, then he goes over to the couch and in the process of removing the snag they "accidently" ripped the thing wide open, stuffing flying like snow in a blizzard! and damaged it beyond all repair.. then went and bought you another one but asked you to pay them back for it (how gracious)

What would you say?????

 

I would be managing a swift kick in the rear is what i would have been doing.

[EQD]

the car wasnt moving when i first stood in front of it no, but he kept inching it forward trying to nudge me out of the way slowly n then i fell in the mud so he tried to reverse it quickily so he could drive round me and reversed striaght into a tree.

 

 

Okay now i am just mortified

 

He knocked you down in the mud with his car and sped off... reversing into a tree.. and blamed it on you...

[cheekychic]

i dont know ... i just look back and see it as all my fault coz i should have just let him go when he first said he was going home and valentines day was over. when he's in a rage and has got something in his head there no point in trying to convince him otherwise, well ive learn that now.

after that day, everyone he knows was calling me a psyco for tryin to stop him from leaving and standing in front of the door crying n begging.

i read something on the net taht he said to a female friend about me "what she (meaning me) made me do to my car"

so i have jsut always thought it was my fault. and if everyone else thinks it was my fault and that im a psyco then maybe they are all right.

maybe i am jsut a nutcase for begging n pleading with him not to go and leave me on valentines n standing in front of his car hysterically crying.

 

he even said (im guessing someone he knows put this in his head) that i was holding him captive in my house and im not right in the head for doing that

 

when it was put liek that it really made me feel ashamed n like, yea, it was all my fault. so i have never really questiond it since and jsut left it as it was my fault

[valiantv]

If you asked him to fix your computer and he accidentally broke it trying to do it, I can see how it could be argued that maybe you owe him for the computer... esp. maybe if you asked him to buy you a new one to replace it.

 

But he - of his own initiative - decided to try and make the sound better or something on your computer, then he broke the computer, then he - again of his own free will - bought you a new one (without being asked) and then expects you to pay for it? Even though you didn't ask for it? I can't possibly see how you owe him for this. Maybe, being nice, you could have shared the debt, because he was doing something for you... But there is no way he should presume to have the automatic right to get the money off you!

 

Then he wrecks his own car, and expects you to pay for the damage? This I can't get my head around.

[Tethys]

What YOU made him do to his car? No, you should not have stood in front of it, but from what you describe, HE did that to his car. Don't pay him for it.

 

Also, I don't think you need to pay for the computer either. Not only because he broke it, but he paid for a new one without even ASKING you about it first. He just rang you up one day and announced that he had a computer for you and you needed to pay him for it.

 

I could see you offering to pay half, but for the whole thing??

[RayKay]

cheeky - I don't know what to say because this to me is just another thing that makes me think why the hell is she still with this guy.

 

I honestly am not sure what you are looking for at times because to me it seems no matter what anyone says, you are going to somehow justify staying with him anyway and then will just have another post about something else he did in another day.

 

He's selfish, he's a jerk, he's manipulative, and you are falling for it over and over again. You really need to pick your self-esteem up off the floor and end this relationship.

[JadedStar]

the car wasnt moving when i first stood in front of it no, but he kept inching it forward trying to nudge me out of the way slowly n then i fell in the mud so he tried to reverse it quickily so he could drive round me and reversed striaght into a tree.

 

You both sound like you have a lot of growing up to do quite honestly.

 

ANd i was unaware of your background with him but if you continue to stay and make excuses for him you are not entirely blameless, as I said in my last post. We teach people how to treat us - you allowing this to continue over and over teaches him that you are not deserving of his respect. Not saying that you don't deserve respect but when you let people walk all over you this is an unfortunate byproduct.

[RayKay]

You both sound like you have a lot of growing up to do quite honestly.

 

Agreed. If someone wants to leave - let them leave.

[JadedStar]

Okay now i am just mortified

 

He knocked you down in the mud with his car and sped off... reversing into a tree.. and blamed it on you...

 

But yet you are not mortified by the fact that she is chasing him out of the house crying and screaming and standing in front of his car when he was in position to drive it?

 

I agree what he did was awful, but what she did was ridiculously immature as well. You don't get in front of a car with an angry irrational person behind the wheel of it.

[cheekychic]

my self esteem went ages ago. i have a phobia of being lonely as i have been thru periods in my life when i have been very very very lonely.

when it ends between us, the pain i feel is so bad that i cant sleep or eat or do anything and i feel it turns me into a crap mum.

and even though i know deep down that he doesnt treat me too nice at times, i feel sooooo lonely when he is gone and i dont haev any friends who live in this area and to make matters worse i fkn hate this area i live in and it makes me soo depressed and i have strange odd men knocking on the door trying to chat me up when they notice the BF not been round for a while.

i jsut find its very very hard for me to leave him and he knows it too

 

i wish i could get over him

[JadedStar]

When the verbal and mental abuse begins to outweigh the thought of lonliness then you will be able to shake him loose. I would think it would already be outweighing it but eveyrone has a different threshold.

 

Until then you likely won't.

[EQD]

Right even though not all of us agree on the computer issue, i think WE all agree you need to leave his sorry excuse for a butt

[k_1971]

Personally I think he was out of order to go ahead and do something like that. especially given your financial position. if he ordered the the computer without you agreeing, you should not feel obliged to pay him back.

[beauty21]

I hope you find the strength that is deep down inside of you to leave this guy. And soon. You are a mother, what if some man were to treat your daughter that way? You would be the first person to tell her, that she needs to leave him. Why can't you see the good in yourself and your worth, like you see in your daughter?

 

"F" whatever he says. You are not responsible for paying for that computer. Kick his sorry @ss to the curb and throw that computer at him.