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Preparing for my call to the EX...

thinkstoohard

By thinkstoohard
in Getting Back Together

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thinkstoohard Collaborator

thinkstoohard

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Ok folks, most of you know about my situation and how I will be calling the EX this evening or tomorrow. I think I know the basics but ya'lls input and advice is much appreciated.

 

1. I do not mention the relationship

2. If she mentions it, I keep my comments to a minimum and committ to nothing at this point.

3. If she says she misses me (which I doubt will happen) do I tell her I've missed her or say something like "I have thought about you alot too..."?

4. Keep it b/w 7-10 minutes and try to be the one to end the call.

5. Don't ask to get together... If she wants to she will ask???

6. Let her lead the conversation and ask the questions???

7. If I do ask questions, what do I ask???

 

Any thoughts or comments?

 

Yikes, I am nervous but am not getting my hopes up. I still think it was nothing more than a common courtesy comment.

 

BTW, do ya'll think that if she wanted to talk she should be the one to call OR was her comment in the text message good enough for this point in the game (not really a game...)?

 

Thanks!

 

EDIT: I don't want this to be a game so I hope my list of 7 above doesn't come accross that way. I just don't want to look too eager and I also feel the need to be guarded and not get my hopes up.

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delerium6 Rookie

delerium6

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I hadn't followed your background... but how long has it been since you last communicated? If she doesn't bring up the relationship, ask to meet up, etc, will it get you really down?

 

If it's been a while since you spoke to her... do you know any mutual friend of hers that you can call before you call her? For instance, if you're told she's dating someone, it saves you from calling and finding out directly from her.

 

Other than that, I think your seven "boundaries" you've outlined for yourself are pretty good ones.

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thinkstoohard Collaborator

thinkstoohard

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If it's been a while since you spoke to her... do you know any mutual friend of hers that you can call before you call her? For instance, if you're told she's dating someone, it saves you from calling and finding out directly from her.

 

Thanks for the input.

 

As for the comment above, I asked about doing this in a previous thread and the consensus was to not drag anyone else in; that it is b/w me and the ex... Trust me, I wanted to do it and still kinda want to but won't.

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twinkle72 Newbie

twinkle72

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I just had the first conversation last night after a week of being broke up.

Your ideas are good but trust me 7-10 minutes will FLY by!

We spoke for over an hr and I did end the conversation on a nice note (so that's a great idea). I did let him lead the conversation mostly and asked some questions. I didn't talk about the relationship once (yay) and we did laugh a few times. We have been together for 1.5 years and I want him back!!!

So after I said wow, it's already been over an hour, time still flies with us!! he said yeah it does! he then said it was wonderful talking to me and he would love to do it again soon. I said yes, and he said how about tomorrow night?

woo hoo! This is after he broke up with me last week and said never to call him again and forget he exists... he's really stubborn too and disciplined so it's a miracle that we talked last night but I am so happy!!!

This is the love of my life and my goal is to be back together by New Years.

Anyway sorry for my ramble but your ideas are really great, and I know the results I had so I can attest to the effectiveness. I don't know how long it's been since you last spoke though?

GOOD LUCK!!!!

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thinkstoohard Collaborator

thinkstoohard

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So what types of questions do I ask??? Do I be short in my answers?

 

When the conversation comes to an end do I close it with a "Great talking to you. We should talk again soon" kind of closing? Or is a "Take care" comment better?

 

Do I play it up totally and look like I've moved on and am 100% happy with life the way it is?

 

Ok, I know I am over analyzing BIG time. Geez, why does this have to be such a pain in the butt!?!

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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Way over-thinking this. Don't have an egg timer with you so that it goes "ding" when the 7 minutes are up. This is not speed dating. You have a history with her. Just pretend you have called up a friend you haven't spoken to in a while and let the conversation flow. Don't bring up the relationship...if she says she missed you, you can tell her you missed her too (because clearly that would be the truth). Just be natural, don't over-think and rehearse because that will just make you nervous. As for if she mentions the relationship, just see in what context she mentions it...then you will know how to respond. I wouldn't ask to get together at this point...just see how the conversation goes. Don't have pre-prepared questions...that is way to rehearsed. Just call her and I am sure things will flow from there.

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rokston Explorer

rokston

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Ok I am not into game playing ... BUT ... do play it up a little like your life is good and exciting without her. You can talk about new things you've been trying out, how old things are going etc etc. Not to show you have moved on but to highlight that you are a cool guy!!!

 

Otherwise your list sounds good. Keeping it to such as short time will be difficult tough.

 

As for what questions to ask her.. Well, you should know that best. What does she like talking about? Naturally you can always rely on trivial things that you know she had going from before. Anyway remember that you do know this person and you have inside knowledge on what makes them happy, unhappy, talkative, closed off etc.

 

I think the important thing is to have good control over your own emotions and make sure you stick to points 1,2 & 5. Also do NOT ask about other people involved! If she says she missed you - say that you think about her too and that it's nice speaking to her!

 

Good luck!

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bustertypsy Apprentice

bustertypsy

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Hey Bildit,firstly congrats on the fact she sent you birthday greetings and invited you to call.If she asks you are you seeing someone,answer her honestly.......no your not!

I think if she asks to see you,then just pick a night that genuinely suits and go for it.No games,you want her back,this may be your opportunity.After all she initiated contact,so chances are she did it for a reason.I just hope lessons were learnt during your break up and should you get back together,the relationship will be the beneficiary of this.I truly wish you the best of the best of luck!!!!!

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trying2007 Apprentice

trying2007

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I havent followed your history, but I am in the same type situation, or was last week in terms of not talking, but then having that phone call. I just asked her how her week was going and let her talk about herself. I asked how the house was and such and again just let her talk about things. If she asked me anything, answer truthfully, but be strong and depending on why the relationship is in a break, be carefull not to be the guy she didnt like. Dont be someone else, but just think before you speak, they always here something different than what you say. If she asks if you are seeing anyone, say not really. if she asks you to get together, ask her when and then be honest about if you can or cant, obviously if she wants to she will ask, but playing hard to get cant go wrong. keep the converstaion short, unless its going good, then keep it up, if you feel yourself getting weak and want to start talking about the relationship or feelings then cut it off. You will do fine, remember not being in contact got her to ask you to call, so spilling it now wont help.

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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Last questions:

 

How do I respond if she asks me if I am seeing someone? I have been on dates and have been casually talking to girls but it is nothing serious. It could be a very loaded question either way...

 

IF she asks to get together should I jump on any day she suggests or play a little hard to get?

 

If she asks if you have been seeing anyone just tell her the truth...that you have been on a few dates but nothing serious. If she asks to get together don't jump on any day she suggests if it conflicts with anything in your schedule...but don't play hard to get and pretend you have something going on that day if you don't. If she suggests a day in which you are free, then go for it.

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thinkstoohard Collaborator

thinkstoohard

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If she asks if you have been seeing anyone just tell her the truth...that you have been on a few dates but nothing serious. If she asks to get together don't jump on any day she suggests if it conflicts with anything in your schedule...but don't play hard to get and pretend you have something going on that day if you don't. If she suggests a day in which you are free, then go for it.

 

Thanks CAD! We must have posted at the exact same time.

 

I am going to call in about ten or fifteen minutes. I'll post as soon as I hang up...

 

I can't remember the last time I was this nervous!!! Wish me luck.

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CreoUCLA Apprentice

CreoUCLA

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The most difficult part for me was not talking about the old relationship too much (she brought it up). Also, end the conversation before she does. My ex wanted to keep talking and talking (and we talked for 50 mins. already because it was going well)... But I said, "You should go rest and feel better, and I've gotta go finish up some work."

 

Hope it goes well!

 

-Mike-

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thinkstoohard Collaborator

thinkstoohard

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I won't jump to conclusions yet. I am sure she has a life and is not sitting there waiting for my call. I am not going to sit and wait for hers either, but I do hope she calls back.

 

Ok, so now I am kinda anxiously waiting for her to call. What would be a proper amount of time to call back, if she even will? It's getting to be 9, which could be a bit late to call someone you don't know (or an ex you haven't spoken to in months...).

 

Should I be this anxious or worried that she hasn't called back?

 

I know it is dumb to feel this way but I do...

 

EDIT: When I say a proper time to call back, I mean for her to call me back. I WILL NOT call her back if she doesn't return my call. PERIOD. Just thought I would make that clear!

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CatsMeeoow Collaborator

CatsMeeoow

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You have to give her two or three days before you can call again... sucks I know!

 

Breathe deep - let it go... think positively that she will call you back because she really wants to know how you are and what you are doing!

 

Breathe again - now put this to bed tonight and realize she'll call you tomorrow!

 

Best Wishes

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