samross Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Tomorrow is my ex's birthday and does anyone have any idea what I want to do? I will not break NC but man I'm struggling. I've been going a bit overboard trying to answer other people's postings in the past couple of days to focus myself on others and it helps but I guess right now I need lifted up.
Clabs Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Hey samross Sorry you are feeling down. Posting on here is a good distraction - taking the focus away from you and all. Lots of people stress when it is the ex's birthday, but you are right to not break nc. Sending a card after your relationship is over is pretty pointless in my experience. You never know how it will be received by the other person. They may take it with the good will that was hopefully intended or they may curse you for reminding them about you and setting them back. You are doing well so far - don't set yourself back fella - come back here for more duct tape as required! Mark
Yodabell Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Whether you send anything or not depends on how you will feel if you get no response or an indifferent "thanks" and it depends on the reasons you're sending it. I have an ex that sends me a bday card every year, and I send him one too. We were together almost 7 years and broke up 3 years ago - I broke up with him. He sends me a card becasue he truly wishes me a happy birthday, not because he hopes it'll change my mind. Do what is right for you. And I guess put yourself in her shoes - how might you feel if it was the other way around? And your help for others is always appreciated (well I appreciated your posting to me.)
rokston Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I tend to send a happy birthday text when I remember and have the chance.. This is with people I have no intent on ever reconciling with so it's not done in order to get a response or anything.. When my current ex her birthday is in Jan. She is longest relationship I've had and I am not over her. But I will probably send her either a text or a card just because I care - I know it will not change anything between us. I also expect her to send me something for my birthday in ten days time. I guess my bottom line is to send something and expect nothing. However, if you feel it will set you back in ANY way .. don't do it!!
bustertypsy Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Hey samross Sorry you are feeling down. Posting on here is a good distraction - taking the focus away from you and all. Lots of people stress when it is the ex's birthday, but you are right to not break nc. Sending a card after your relationship is over is pretty pointless in my experience. You never know how it will be received by the other person. They may take it with the good will that was hopefully intended or they may curse you for reminding them about you and setting them back. You are doing well so far - don't set yourself back fella - come back here for more duct tape as required! Mark Hey Samross,I agree wholeheartedly with Clabs on this one.If you still have strong emotional feelings for your ex then don't break NC.You have worked so hard to get where you are today.To send a card would just set you back and all the hard work would be wasted.Keep coming back here when you feel that urge,and strenghten those of us here that feel weak.This will help you feel good that you are helping others in a similar situation.
sandyv Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Hi Sam, Sandy here again. Hope you are doing o.k. at this point, as the others have already said, its best to stick to your guns. The day will eventually end, and you'll be glad you remained strong, you don't want to set yourself back right? Take care Sandy
rapunzel Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Sam - Maybe make plans so that you are extra busy tomorrow and try to spend the evening with other people so that you don't find yourself with downtime and then tempted to contact (even though you don't plan on it you might feel tempted). As Sandy said, it's just one day and it'll be over by Thursday and a new day will begin. Stay strong, come here for support and remember that this too shall pass. Brighter, happier days are on the way!
samross Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 thanks guys!! I'm actually feeling pretty good - - it's just that I'm fighting the urge. As George Harrison once said, All things must pass...
sadcomposer Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Good luck Sam, I know how difficult it must be, pretty hard for me too.
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