Personal growth (go figure)

[MrMango]

I Couldn’t think of any other name for this thread so I used the forum title.

 

Bear with me here if it seems jumbled because I already know im going to have a hard time explaining my problem.

 

Basically, im just in general not happy with my life at this stage. I always try to stay positive and stay focused that things could always be way worse. I do have a very caring family, a roof over my head, and have been very well off in terms of what my parents provide for me. However outside of all that im just not very happy at all.

 

Whats goofy, and seems really silly is that I go through stages when I see certain stuff on tv, through music, friends or seeing my sister going to parties that sometimes gets me even more depressed, but also theres times it makes me eager to make change. The problem there though is that its only temporary. Ill get excited telling myself im going to fix things and change myself, but I always revert back to my old ways.

 

Now this is where its going to seem pathetic, almost in a "he's got to be joking" kind of way. This past stage that hit me stupidly enough comes from watching the tv show 'the real world' on mtv. I had off work today, so I decided to just take it easy and I watched almost this entire season of the real world on mtv that my sister has been taping.

 

The big jealousy wave hit me of their lifestyle on the show. Now im not dumb, and I understand TV is much different than real life and often is very manipulive in ways that it can get you sucked into a fairytale world, but right now it just blows up the idea of how much I hate my lifestyle. Even before watching this show I wanted to be the kind that goes out regularly socializing. Someone who has a few drinks with friends, has fun on weekends or bi-weekly basis. Even recently got me thinking about wanting my own place, even if its an apartment with roommate or two.

 

Then it hits me...its not going to happen. Instead my weekends are spent watching stuff like this on tv, having closest friends who dont share the same interest in wanting to going out like that, and my weekends will continue to be stuck going to movies with my cousins, playing video games with my neighbor and playing basketball at the local gym with a few friends.

 

Stuff like these silly tv shows, music, instantces and stores I hear from other people (friends or coworkers) and what not just clicks on a light switch in my head of the person I WANT to be, but no matter how hard I try I seem to always be stuck in the same situation. Whats bad is it effects my personality at work and at home. Although it doesnt get pointed out to me, I know for a fact ive been very easily aggritvated and very much a downer. I hear stories from this lady at work how her son who's my age is going to vegas in two weeks with a bunch of friends and then again to cancun during spring break 08. It just gets me so depressed that im not living that kind of lifestyle like I feel I should be.

 

Worst part of it all is im only 21, but I feel like im just wasting so much of my life being boring (not by choice) when I should be out there having so much more fun and actually looking forward to every weekend instead of playing video games and working out.

[rocio]

but no matter how hard I try I seem to always be stuck in the same situation.

 

How hard do you try? What steps have you taken recently?

[ftheunion]

save up and buy some piece of junk rv trailer and move out to a trailer park. Then you can launch change from there. Take philosophy in college. If you become a cop you will get exposed to the world.

[Hearts]

I don't know if this helps to make you feel better but well I just wanted tell you that you aren't alone about this, I exactly feel the same with you, I'm 19 and feel like I'm missing a lot of the life.

Normally I'm pretty positive that one day everything I want will happen but seeing my current self I just can't tell when or how it will.

Like you I want my own place either where I can live a different life than I do live now and where I can change the rest of my life to reach my dreams. Though I just can't get myself into make a change, it feels like if I can bring myself to make atleast one change then the rest will follow but I don't know.

 

Well the only thing I can tell is be strong and don't give up hope one day everything can change.

[Weeblie]

I know how you feel. I wasted my college years waiting for that life to come to me. And you know what happened? When I graduated, I had less friends than when I started. I was still living at home and I was still miserable.

 

I had to learn the hard way that life is what you make of it.

 

So I say, go get that apartment that you wanted. Go find some roommates, ones that aren't, 1. your cousins or 2. your current friends. And while you're waiting for that to work out, find someone who's willing to go out with you. Really look for someone, talk to people at school, at work, at the gym, find someone! And if you can't find anyone, then try going out on your own.

 

If you don't change things now, you're going to continue living that life and I promise you, you're never going to be satisfied with it.

[MrMango]

Yep thats how I feel.

 

My problem is I dont want to just throw myself out there by myself and I dont have just that single person needed to go through with something like this. I want to be that young kid learning from his mistakes and living life to the fullest even if its not the ideal smartest route (ie: wasting a little bit of money going out socializing, and drinking, hanging out, going on trips, going to sporting events) stupid stuff like that. Instead ive been fizzeled out of the aqantence group (from high school) because I dont get along with a few of them. My one pretty close friend moved out of state 2 years ago, and my other 2 close friends arnt interested in the same view that I have. One is fully focused on his girlfriend, and the other has no regret on how hes living his life despite it being similar to how ive been living mine, unhappily.

[Weeblie]

My problem is I dont want to just throw myself out there by myself and I dont have just that single person needed to go through with something like this.

 

You're creating a catch 22 for yourself right there. You can't find that friend to come along with you until you start putting yourself out there. So put yourself out there. Start trying to meet new people.

[MrMango]

You're creating a catch 22 for yourself right there. You can't find that friend to come along with you until you start putting yourself out there. So put yourself out there. Start trying to meet new people.

 

I know what you mean. Im going to try harder than ive been at the gym or any random situation. Im not one to really go to a bar or club by myself though so it'll have to be more of a right place right time type of deal.

[Weeblie]

I just found this site and I thought it was encouraging...

link removed

[rocio]

I just found this site and I thought it was encouraging...

link removed

 

Thanks for sharing that, Weeblie. very true.

[MrMango]

Any chance someone could post that article for me? Its blocked here at work.

[rocio]

Are you writing the story of your life, or are you letting other people and circumstances write it for you? You might not consider yourself a follower, but here are a few signs you aren’t in control:

 

You don’t like your job - Maybe you picked something because it was easier or safer than your ideal career. Worse, maybe you’re just doing what your family pressured you to do.

 

You’re living paycheck to paycheck - The problem usually isn’t money, but your priorities. It isn’t hard for the stuff you own to turn around and own you.

 

You feel obligated to do things you don’t want to do. Your first duty is to yourself. You can’t save the world while you’re miserable.

 

Leading your life isn’t easy. It means freeing yourself from many different assumptions. That freedom can be initially terrifying and painful, which is why so few people do it. It is far easier to just follow the assumptions of society, even if it leaves you unfulfilled.

 

Here are 7 rules that can help you start building a life worth living:

 

Rule One: Never let another person dictate the terms for living your life.

 

Not your parents. Not your spouse. Not your kids. Leading your life means you can accept the input of other people, but the final decision is yours. This means that career choice, relationships, beliefs and way of life are to be judged by you, not anyone else.

 

This rule holds especially when you have doubts. Don’t let your moment of doubt become a weakness to be exploited by others. Not sure what you want to do with your life? Don’t sit passively and let other people decide for you.

 

Rule Two: Don’t allow yourself to be chained by consumerism.

 

The world is filled with stuff. Don’t let stuff get in the way of what is important. When you become chained to your stuff, you are no longer leading your life. Ask yourself: if you had to give up 90% of your net worth tomorrow to pursue your dream, could you do it effortlessly? If you hesitated, perhaps your ability to lead your own life has been weakened by your attachment to stuff.

 

Rule Three: Rule money. Don’t let money rule you.

 

Money is a resource that can be applied when leading your life. You can use it to reduce discomforts, focus on meaningful work and apply it to help you learn and improve. But if you’re living paycheck to paycheck, the money is in control.

 

Here are some goals to put yourself in a position to rule the money in your life:

 

Maintain one year of emergency funds in the bank.

Your lifestyle should expand at a slower rate than your income grows.

Be able to drastically reduce your expenditures if needed.

Financial freedom doesn’t mean the ability to buy everything you could desire or live in luxury. It means that money becomes a tool and not a distraction in leading your life.

 

Rule Four: You come first in relationships.

 

Do you know people that can’t stand being single? They get out of one bad relationship only to jump into the next.

 

Why? Because they put too much of their needs dependent on that other person. Without emotional and possibly financial support, they can’t survive.

 

In any relationship you need to be the person that comes first. That means that while you might enjoy the relationship, it doesn’t become the major purpose in your life.

 

Your purpose and leading your life must come before any relationship you enter. The surprising fact is that when you do this, you are able to have healthier personal and intimate relationships because there is no need for jealousy or possession.

 

Rule Five: Never outsource your thinking.

 

“You can split up food between men, but each man must digest it individually.” - Howard Roark in The Fountainhead.

 

Leading your own life means leading your own beliefs. It means never accepting anything unless you can filter it through your reasoning and find it to be true. Think critically about everything in life. Chances are there are a lot of indigested thoughts floating around trying to bypass your mind and go straight to your gut.

 

Rule Six: Anything you lack can be trained.

 

Never accept a fatalistic view of life. So you’ve been told you lack the intelligence, willpower, strength or charisma to do something? Ignore them. So you’ve told yourself that you lack the talent? Ignore yourself.

 

Begin with the assumption that anything can be trained and you’ll find few exceptions. I used to be a shy, introverted kid. Recently some friends described me as an extreme extrovert, being unafraid to meet new people and having honed my abilities to speak in front of crowds. Begin with the belief that you have no idea where your talents are until you train them.

 

Rule Seven: Purpose comes from your creative faculties.

 

Want to know what your purpose in life is? Simple. Hold your hands in front of you. Now look at them. There is your purpose and means to do it.

 

Purpose is your ability to take the creative energies you have and communicating them with the world. You and I might pick different mediums, but the act of purpose is exactly the same. You could be a manager crafting the art of dealing with people, a programmer crafting the knowledge of algorithms or an entrepreneur crafting the art of a business.

 

Don’t worry if you haven’t found the right medium. Once you feel that great purpose for your life and it comes from within, that is your greatest asset. With that belief you are the leader of your own life.