Devastated!!

[Confusedlove]

My boyfriend of 3 yrs informed me on Friday night that he does not feel the same way about me as he did in the beginning of our relationshiop. The weird thing is, he asked me to go engagement ring shopping 2 months ago so he could get something I would like. then he hits me with this. I appreciate his honesty & communication, I am just in total and complete shock right now. And of all times, right before Christmas, are you kidding me. I know the holiday should not mean anything, but it does not help! On Saturday he told me that we should give it about a month to see how things go and see if he gets the feeling back. Today he tells me we should end it because he hasn't gotten the feeling back in 2 days. Then he gives me the speach of "if you love it let it go and if it is meant to be it will come back". he told me we need a few month break and if it is meant to be that it will work out. This has entirely caught me by surprise as I thought we would be together forever. We even started a business together. I could go on and on. Is this common and what should I do? He says the more I ask him questions, the more it frustrates him.

[Mysterygirl]

I am sorry you are going through this ...

 

the best thing for you to do right now, is to just leave him alone .. let him figure out what it is he thinks he needs to figure out

dont call me him .. wait for him to contact you.

 

good luck

[Confusedlove]

Thank you. the problem is that we live together. I offered to leave for a few days so he can think and he turned that down. I asked him to do the same and he turned that down. He said after the holidays he is going to look for a place to live. The whole things sucks, we moved into this house 2 yrs together and if this is really over I am left with all the memories in this house and the 2 dogs we have acquired over time. ahhhhh. i could go on and on. Any help/advice is so appreciated - I mean it!

[wiser]

He's going through some wild swings...from engagement ring shopping, to give it a month, to "2 days and I feel the same way so its over"...

 

He's moving away from you emotionally, that much is a given. He's really confused about it, that's obvious as well.

 

All you can do is give him time and space and be glad that you aren't married with children.

[Confusedlove]

Thank you for your advice. I hope time will help us. Is it possible to have a strong connection with someone, then lose it but find it again?

[Atticus90]

Love can relate to marijuana

 

You can smoke marijuana for the first couple years every single day and able to get that good feeling, but your body eventually adapts to it.

After that, you gotta consume bigger quanities of the drug to get that "good feeling".

 

In your situation.. what you need to do is do new things.. better things and maybe he'll get that "good feeling" back

[Confusedlove]

Thank you! If he wants the break, should we just do it now or wait until after christmas? This is all so confusing and shocking to me, i just feel like time has stopped. i have so many questions but am fearful I will push him away even more by asking them. Has anyone been through this?

[Atticus90]

I have

But the reason is because my ex and I had fought so much in our relationship. and we were together for about 2 years.

 

during those years, we never really did anything exciteing, so that could of been some of it.

 

i always will love her though. when you feel that your not in love, it's not true.. you're just bored.

[Confusedlove]

Should I just wait for him to figure out what he wants? or should i show him how much i love him.

[wiser]

Thank you for your advice. I hope time will help us. Is it possible to have a strong connection with someone, then lose it but find it again?

 

Yes, it's possible. But from my experience, and from the stories I have read of others, it's not typical. All you can do is try. "Hope for the best but expect the worst".

[AutumnBorn]

Oh, girl...I'm so sorry.

 

Here's what I think: He's nuts! No, really, sounds as if he doesn't know that love does change. It has ups and downs, sometimes you can't stand the person you're with, but a month later you're back in a love upswing. After many years of marriage I can tell you honestly, love is not stagnant, it's always evolving. That flutter of excitement isn't love. That's a chemical reaction in your central nervous system. Love, real love, is a comfort and reliability. Sure, there's still excitement, but it's not the same as in the beginning. Not even close. It's actually better. (Those of you who know I'm getting divorced, give me a break! I know what I'm talking about, in spite of my personal situation!)

 

You really do need to ask him to leave immediately, not after the holidays. You need time and space and an opportunity to not talk to him. He needs to wonder what you're doing. But...

 

If he truly can't move out until then, you need to be as scarce as possible. Make him wonder where you are and with whom. Shake things up, but don't get involved with anyone else, even if they make you feel really good. That would be a disaster.

 

Don't ask questions. He doesn't know why he's doing this, so he can't answer them. He doesn't have the insight into his own actions. This is clear from his giving it all of two days to figure out that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Sounds like a pretty definite thing after a two day break? Nope, just shows how confused he is.

 

This is what I want you to do tonight. Make him sleep on the sofa or in another bedroom, if he isn't already. Your bedroom should be sacred, a sanctuary from him. You need your own space.

 

If you need more assignments, let me know. There are lots of things you can do to help this feel a little better.

 

And it's OK to cry. Just not in front of him.

[Confusedlove]

Autumnborn,

 

Thank you so much. I can't sleep so I am back online. Yes, he is sleeping in another room, I already made that clear earlier tonight. I miss him so much and I wish things could just go back to the way they were, but I know that is not possible after all of the things that have been said. My best friend is aware of what is going on and will be there to help me through this. No matter what it is tough. We have a lot of history together.

 

All I do is cry when he is not around, then when he is here, I feel so empty and lost. I am a mess and I can't stand to feel this way. I wish I had medical insurance so I could get some therapy, I need something right now, that is why I am turning to this forum. Do you have email I can chat with you through as well? Never in a million years would I think that a guy could upset me this much. I am really good about keeping my guard up and not showing these feelings but with him, I let it all go out the window. I don't know how I will trust again.

 

A part of me hopes, he will want to come back to me, but at the same time, I don't think it will happen. Something in my gut is telling me that and to be honest, I want to throw up because of it. I need help!!!