SinfullySweet Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I'm non-exclusively long distance dating my ex and also dating an older man who lives near me. My ex is aware of the new guy. I've been seeing him for a couple of months, but we haven't actually gone out too much because one of us is always out of town. He wants to go out every night when we are both in town. The new guy knows that I'm still close to my ex and spent last weekend with him. I love my ex, but at the time being things won't work between us. I really like this other guy I'm dating, but I don't want to rush to commit. I've told him I want to take things slowly and he says that he is in no rush. He spent around $500 on our date last night which makes me a little uncomfortable. My family is well off, but I don't like guys spending so much on me so soon because I don't want them to feel taken advantage of if things don't work. We talk about politics and religion and I can get quite passionate when we debate - it really frustrates me when he tells me how adorable I am and wants to start making out. He's 11 years older than me and I'm worried that I could be just a trophy. I am ok with PDA to an extent when I'm in a LTR, but he is all over me in public. The other day we were talking and somehow watches came up and I mentioned this watch I want (I wasn't hinting at anything - he was talking about it first). He keeps bringing up the watch and asking what color I want and specifics... I'm worried he's going to go buy me a $6,000 watch. Since he hasn't directly said anything there really isn't much I can say. Last night he was asking me questions about it and I just switched the subject. All of this is making me wonder if I'm sort of his new pet. I enjoy when guys spoil me, but I'm not a girl who can be bought.
toshiba Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 All of this is making me wonder if I'm sort of his new pet. I enjoy when guys spoil me, but I'm not a girl who can be bought. I AM! What's his number??? Just kidding. If you FEEL you're being bought....then you're being bought. Always keep in mind that if something doesn't feel right, then it isn't. The guy sounds like someone who could be controlling and possessive, if you ask me. Those are usually the types who come on that strong that quickly and they usually pick young women because they're more pliable to work with. Have you ever been independent of (without) a man?
SinfullySweet Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 I've only really had one committed relationship, but I've always casually dated. I can't recall a period in recent years where I haven't had any men in my life. My ex is the only guy I've ever really wanted to see exclusively. My parents still financially support me while I'm in school so I certainly don't need a guy for that. I've ended things with guys in the past when they've made comments about how if we're together they'll take care of me and buy me whatever I want. I find it very insulting! He's a very sweet guy and we're able to talk a lot. I really like him, but it's just too early to be spending so much on me. Maybe it's just his lifestyle so he doesn't think anything of it? I've dated guys with more money than him though. I don't know... I guess I should just see how things go?
Dako Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I suspect you like to be a trophy and to have him ply you with pricey trinkets or you would end the relationship. You doth protest too much?
toshiba Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I've dated men with lots of money but they don't drip it all over the place. And if they did, to me it would be a bit of a turn off because it says to me they're prone to impulsive spending. (not a good trait no matter how much money you may have) Spending that much money on a woman also spells insecurity. But no harm in talking to him, I suppose. I would turn down his gifts though. He may go weird on you.
SinfullySweet Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 He hasn't bought me any trinkets. He complimented a handbag... he said watches were his thing... I said something about this watch I saw the other day... now he's asking lots of questions about what I want. I've ended every relationship where I've felt like a trophy and in this case I really can't tell how he views me. While my ex and I were together he probably took me out to two nice dinners (most of the time I'd rather stay in and cuddle or go somewhere with a fun casual atmosphere). I spent a lot of money on traveling and gifts for him. Now that we're broken up he's gone back to taking me out when we're with each other, but while we were together he'd joke that I was his sugar mamma. I really have no desire to be a trophy and I can get expensive trinkets myself. I don't mind this new guy taking me to nice dinners and spas if it's something he does regularly on his own. I do, however, have a problem with going out with a guy that thinks that spending lots of money is the way to my heart. His over the top PDA last night is what really started to worry me about his motives.
BeStrongBeHappy Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 hmmm... sometimes men like this think if they put out (money or gifts), then YOU should put out sex. so they are treating you like a high priced hooker... if he gives you an expensive gift, then say, thanks, but i don't know you well enough to take gifts from you. and if he grabs you in public like you're a hooker and you don't like it, tell him to stop it. and if you're vehement about something and he just stops it by saying 'you're adorable', he is patronizing you and not particularly interested in your brain or what you have to say... so he can't take you down the 'trophy' route unless you let him. whenever he does things that make you feel like he's trying to buy you or patronize you, call him on it. you'll either get down to a more equal relationship that you are happy with, or he'll drop you for the next trophy in line.
Jerry from Ohio Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Dear SS you seem to not be separated from the others in your life Parents and who you refer to as your EX Were you married ? No ? then you are not really over him and your not being fair to the older man .Please do not take him for his gifts for when you go back to your ex Boyfriend it will surely ruin him for another young Lady that is secure and has lived on her own power for awhile and IS ready for a committed relationship please give yourself time to grow and bloom into a self reliant young woman .
CaptainPlanet Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I AM! What's his number??? Just kidding. If you FEEL you're being bought....then you're being bought. Always keep in mind that if something doesn't feel right, then it isn't. The guy sounds like someone who could be controlling and possessive, if you ask me. Those are usually the types who come on that strong that quickly and they usually pick young women because they're more pliable to work with. Have you ever been independent of (without) a man? I just giggled. You do sound a bit like trophy. I can't see why you should let it worry you, can always refuse the gifts, or just be happy to receive them. You'll probably have to wait it out and see.
richmonder80 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Did you at least offer to pay for some of th $500 date? IF not of course you could be bought. Stop trying to be nieve.
Natty7 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 It sounds like you aren't even interested in the older guy, I know you say you are but if you don't like too much PDA, don't think that his gifts and dates are suitable for an early relationship, you get annoyed when he pokes fun at you.... why are you seeing him? Just drop him if he makes you uncomfortable and since you don't want to commit, just keep seeing your ex very casually and test the waters with the other bachelors out there.... Nothing to it sweets. You sound like you are not emotionally involved or attached to this older guy in anyway, so drop him. No need to feel uncomfortable.
Natty7 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I AM! What's his number??? HA HA HA TOSHIBA THAT'S REALLY FUNNY!
Metallica Lightning Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I've ended things with guys in the past when they've made comments about how if we're together they'll take care of me and buy me whatever I want. I find it very insulting! Wow, most of the women I know felt insulted if they were not taken care of. Marry me? Haha, I'm kidding of course. Anyway, I'd just simply tell him to slow things down.
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