Trust Issues / Jealousy

[VeryConfused21]

----- NEVERMIND: DISREGARD THIS POST PLEASE -----

 

Hey Everyone,

 

I have posted here a few times about some problems with me and my gf, so far, we have been lucky and gotten through everything.

 

My and my girlfriend are 21 and 18 (almost 19) respectively, I am almost done with college, she is in her 2nd year. its kind of an LDR, but I go home every weekend to see her. We have been dating for 5 years (since we were 16 and 13). Yes, I know, we were very young. Anyway, about a year into our relationship, she kissed another guy, but was honest and told me about it a bit after it happened. My first year of college (about 2 years into our relationship) she broke up with me because she liked someone else. Within two weeks, we were back together. Now, just recently, in October, I got the suspicion that she had feelings for one of my friends. When I asked her about it, she said yes, but it was only because she was able to talk to him whenever she needed to.

 

I try to put all of this stuff behind me, but sometimes is just so hard. She started talking to this 19 yr old from her class a few weeks ago. I asked her about him, and she told me things like he smokes pot, drinks, etc, and I told her I wasn't comfortable with her talking to him, but I am not going to order her to stop. She occasionally talks to him. One day, they went to the mall, and I wasn't too happy about it. A few days later, he sent her a text saying he was attracted to her. Ever since the incident with her having feelings for my friend, she has been honest with me, and she did tell me that this kid told her he was attracted to her. She stopped talking to him for a few days, but I know they still chat occasionally via text or during class.

 

That, and the fact now that she seems to be wanting to hang out with guys (and girls too) at work, doesn't sit well with me. I don't know if it is a trust thing, or a jealously thing because I can't hang out with her when I am at school. I mean, I have met most of the guys she works with, since she works at a restaurant, and we go there a lot. For example, today, she told me after she gets out of work at midnight or 1am, she is going to the restaurant next door with some people from work. I don't know, but I immediately got upset. Partially because we are going on a trip to NYC for 4 days/3 nights next week, and she is off blowing her money all the time, and partially because she has a final exam tomorrow, and hasn't studied at all. Another thing that bothers me is that me and her always used to hang out with one of her friends, but recently, her friend, who is also 18, has been going to the movies with some 35 year old who is married and has a kid, and my girlfriend would get pissed off because she thought is wasnt right for her to be hanging out with a guy like that. Now, my girlfriend is all buddy buddy with this guy (he is a nice guy, nothing wrong with him), 28, who has a fiance (spelling?) and a kid, and to me, she seems like a huge hypocrite because now I feel the same way.

 

Last night, we had a long talk about our relationship, and about things like trust and everything. She told me that she does want to hang out with other people and do new things so she doesn't get bored. I don't know what to think of that. I understand what she means, and I don't want to prevent her from doing things. I want her to have fun. However, I still feel upset about her doing that (like when she told me she was going out tonight), and I don't know if its because I don't 100% trust her, or if I am jealous. I hate feeling this way, and I have tried to change, but it just seems to hard for me. I feel like I am almost ready to settle down, but she is still young and wants to go out and have fun. All of these trust issues / jealousy issues are just wearing me out, and I don't really know what to do anymore. When we are together, we are prefect. The problems always seem to occur when I am away.

 

Looking back on what I have typed, I noticed I haven't really even asked a question. I guess I am just looking for some advice on how to deal with this from someone who is going through or has gone through something similar.

[VeryConfused21]

You guys can disregard my first post. We broke up this morning

[Bunney]

You guys can disregard my first post. We broke up this morning

 

Awww I'm sorry sweetheart. But you know what, I think it's the best for you and for her. Believe me, she is not ready for a serious longterm relationship - and you can't blame her for it! She's been with you since she was 13 so she practically spent her whole youth with you. Let her do this. Give her this freedom! I know this'll hurt for a while but really, get out there! meet new people! there's so much else out there that is waiting to be explored by you! You're young, enjoy it while it lasts! I know you'll get through this. She isn't the only one for you in the world. and you know that!

~sending you a lot of hugs and my BEST wishes!