Not sure if I should proceed/encourage

[Catatonic]

I'm in class where many of students are very fit and able-bodied young men. I see them every day and there are a couple of them that I find attractive and one in particular seems to have an interest in me. The problem is, there are only 2 weeks left in the course and unfortunately we all live in different cities around an hour away.

 

I am not the type to date someone unless I feel that there is some long-term potential. I am interested in the guys but I'm not sure if I want to encourage anything. I'm wandering if I'm just being a prude and if you were in my shoes, what would you do?

[annie24]

i'm confused, what's the problem? are you the professor or the TA? if not, then go for it. there is no way to know if there is long term potential until you get to know them and date them for a while. you never know how the future will unfold. If a guy is so into you, he won't mind driving an hour to visit you. Heck in some major cities like san francisco, it can take that long to get from one end of town to the other, traffic is so bad. same as LA.

[Catatonic]

haha, thanks annie.

 

no i'm a student like them. i think i'm just scared...and another problem is that i'm leaving the state next year. would you still go for it if you knew that you'd be moving next summer?

[annie24]

ah, kind of the same boat i am in - i will be moving next year.... or so i plan to. then again, my plans are not set. are yours set in stone? i think i've made a mistake before of talking on dates that i want to move. maybe if the guy were mr. right, and he couldn't move, in that case, i might stay.... i think that next summer is sufficiently far off that you just don't know if you will wind up staying or leaving, plans fall through all the time. besides, it isn't so bad just to date for the sake of dating and having fun.

[Catatonic]

well the plans i have are pretty much set in stone but i guess i wouldn't mind dating them for fun as long as both parties were okay with it. and it's true that i wouldn't get to know them well enough unless i hang out with them outside of class.

[annie24]

i think a lot of guys wouldn't mind just dating for a year, with nothing serious in the future - for some of them, that might be exactly what they want. besides, you never know - that guy could be moving to the same place you happen to be moving to next year. My friend met her husband while they were studying abroad. They never met at their home college (same school!) but then they met and found out how much they had in common.

 

good luck!

[wiser]

i think a lot of guys wouldn't mind just dating for a year, with nothing serious in the future - for some of them, that might be exactly what they want.

 

Really? If I was going out with a girl for a year, I would probably develop some pretty strong feelings for her and wouldn't want it just to end. I wouldn't want to get involved with a woman that I knew I would only be able to see for a year. It would be like setting myself up for heartbreak.

[annie24]

well then that's you. i know plenty of women who have dated men for months or years, only to have them say, "i'm not looking to settle down anytime soon, just want to date and have fun" so surely they must exist.

[wiser]

well then that's you. i know plenty of women who have dated men for months or years, only to have them say, "i'm not looking to settle down anytime soon, just want to date and have fun" so surely they must exist.

 

I guess. It's not my way of thinking. It seems like a waste of time to date someone for years, with no intention of trying to build something for the future. I could understand someone approaching dating with that attitude initially, but to continue to feel that way about a person after a year...?

[annie24]

they are not making any promises to see each other for a year, they haven't even had a first date. if she is in college, and these guys she is interested in are 22/23, that age range of men don't tend to be so keen on 'settling down.'

[wiser]

they are not making any promises to see each other for a year, they haven't even had a first date. if she is in college, and these guys she is interested in are 22/23, that age range of men don't tend to be so keen on 'settling down.'

 

True. I am speaking from the perspective of a 45 year old man. That's probably way different from the way those young guys are looking at dating. There priorities are not necessarily settling down...more likely they are thinking in terms of things that go "up".

[ghost69]

you never really know if somebody is long term potential unless you date them.

[Catatonic]

Okay so I've been friendly with this guy in class and we studied and hung out together almost every day for two weeks and did our class assignments together and now I'm supposed to hang out with him tomorrow. Thing is...he's really really physically attractive but I've found that he's got a habit of saying stupid/immature comments that I guess are supposed to be funny but aren't. It's not that he's not smart per say (he did okay in class), but it's more like he says things that may have been cool/funny back in high school but isn't anymore when it's coming from someone who's 26.

 

I've also been chatting with a different guy almost every day for a week now and he's not as physically attractive but I feel is much more compatible with me.

 

I guess my question is should I say anything tomorrow or just gradually disappear or what?

[ghost69]

if you aren't into the guy tell you can't make it.

[Catatonic]

if you aren't into the guy tell you can't make it.

 

yeah...i guess i could do that. just wasn't sure what the right way to disengage was b/c even though it was only two weeks, it feels like longer since it was pretty much every day.

 

but then again a friend was telling me how she wasn't really into her bf in the beginning either but warmed up to him. now they're really good together so hearing that is making me tempted...and of course it doesn't help that he's eye candy. i know that's really shallow but i can't help it.

[ghost69]

yeah...i guess i could do that. just wasn't sure what the right way to disengage was b/c even though it was only two weeks, it feels like longer since it was pretty much every day.

 

but then again a friend was telling me how she wasn't really into her bf in the beginning either but warmed up to him. now they're really good together so hearing that is making me tempted...and of course it doesn't help that he's eye candy. i know that's really shallow but i can't help it.

 

eye candy tells me that you are really physically attracted to him. nothing wrong with that.

[Catatonic]

But is it okay if it's pretty much purely physical attraction?

 

The other guy's asking to make plans this weekend so...I think I'm too much of a prude or something b/c I feel like it's not fair to see two people at the same time.

 

EDIT: Okay well I did it...I dunno...I think I probably did the right thing but I can't help but think, "what a waste." Sigh. So long Mr Sexy. If only you didn't have that habit. At least my salivary glands can get some rest now.

[ghost69]

But is it okay if it's pretty much purely physical attraction?

 

The other guy's asking to make plans this weekend so...I think I'm too much of a prude or something b/c I feel like it's not fair to see two people at the same time.

 

EDIT: Okay well I did it...I dunno...I think I probably did the right thing but I can't help but think, "what a waste." Sigh. So long Mr Sexy. If only you didn't have that habit. At least my salivary glands can get some rest now.

 

that is up to you.