what's the point in trying?

[saku]

i've posted before so i'm sorry. but the thing is, my life is really frrustrating right now. it's not just the fact i'm lonely, it's also how it feels like i have no purpose whatso ever. i'm going to college but the last couple of semesters i've been struggling and i'm not sure if i'll ever suceed. to make matters worse, i have a hard time going out in public sometimes. i mean i feel so inferior to all the other people especially guys i see because they have girlfriends and look like they have a reason to live. i like to write poems and stories...it's the one thing i like abouot myself and yet most times when i write soemthing from my heart to someone, they don't care at all. so i'm both hjealous and mad at the other guys i see doing better than me because a majority of them are jerkfaces who are inconsiderate but good things just keep happening to them.

 

the thing is, i have no real support in my life, i want to believe my family cares but they really don't understand what i'm going through. and i have a therapist, but despite the efforts i've put in trying to break out of this sadness, she thinks i haven't made any progress. i know i haven't made progress to the point where i feel better about myself, but i know i've learned to open up more to people and i think that should mean something. but since i have no one to really go to, i think of leaving where i'm at now and just find a place where there aren't alot of people. i don't really want to do it and even though i'm not going to feel any better once i live in the middle of nowhere, at least there's a chance i won't have to see alot of poeple doing better than me...maybe

 

my biggest fear in life is that one day i'd only have one of those weird cults to turn to like that jim jones thing. and just like all those people, i'll be in somekind of mass suicide and like most of those people, i'll die unknown and forgotten. if i don't end up leaving, i want to not give up on school. i want to one day live in new york and hopefully one day find love soon.

 

i don't know if anyone reading this will understand, i hope at least one person does. sorry it was so long and sorry if it didn't make much sense. but like everything i've written so before, this is also from my heart. bye for now

[lunatic]

Dude I know exactly where you are coming from. I have been there and in some ways I am still there. I look around at all the other guys out there with their women and I get mad because they so lucky. I'm now in my thirties and I have never been married myself. I have only had two long term relationships that I fell I wasted my time. I don't like where I am in life right now either. It is all part of what we go through when we lose someone we love. I also have to point out that I used to be the life of the party and I would talk to anyone and everyone. I always had many friends. It seems like over one night I changed and I don't know what to say to people anymore and I also don't like being in a crowd. I can feel your pain but, only to a certain extent.

Remember one thing you lived most of your life without your ex and you have to learn to be yourself again. Be confident and be strong because you WILL get through this. Believe it or not you will grow emotionally and spiritually from this experience. Use it as a learning process and grow from it.

If you feel that shy and lonely try volunteering your time with a charity or something that will make you talk to people. I can tell you this you have to get something to get your mind off your problems. You wont forget them but, it will help you not go crazy with all these negative thoughts.

YOU have to learn not to be so hard on yourself and let go of your fears.

Life is a bunch of risks and sometimes you fall on your face.

 

I hope this helps and if you need to have someone to talk to please feel free to PM me.

 

Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself,

Hubman01

[swift44]

yo man I feel you completely but just know this everyone gets what they got coming to them so as long as you try hard and be a good person good things will happen. just give give up and try to be good ignore all those people and their happiness because its just gonna make you even more depressed than before so you should just worry about doing things that make you haoppy but that dopn't harm others and things should get better even though it can take a really long time never give up hope and remember that you are important and that you have the potential to be happy it just takes time, I'm still trying and it seems as though things are getting better for me the harder i try to do good . you may also wanna talk to someone close to you about these problems. good luck and if you ever wanna chat just send a p.m to SWIFT44.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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----ScarFace----