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Emails: Is it wrong to expect a response?


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I've been dating a girl for about a month now and it's been entirely long distance with the exception of the first week. We've known each other for years, so at least we have the friend foundation. However she's not much into expressing her feelings whereas I feel like I'm trying to hold back so as not to come on too strong and push her away.



Every once in awhile I'll send her a short email at her work. Usually it's nothing emotional at all, maybe a funny link, or an interesting article, etc. Sometimes I'll make it a bit sappy, saying that I miss her and can't wait to see her again. After all, I'm not dating her so that we can be in a platonic relationship, otherwise, what's the point in even being in a relationship? However, she never responds to them, or never even mentions them unless I bring it up. I'm not writing these emails with the intent of expecting a reply, I just want to express that I miss her. Then is it wrong for a part of me to expect some sort of response, if even just an objective acknowledgment that read the emails?

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Every once in awhile I'll send her a short email at her work. Usually it's nothing emotional at all, maybe a funny link, or an interesting article, etc. Sometimes I'll make it a bit sappy, saying that I miss her and can't wait to see her again.




Im sure she appreciates it.

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Are you trying to contact her at a work e-mail account? During work hours or hours she's very busy? It could be that she doesn't really have the time to be responding to personal e-mails.


Do you talk by phone or any other means? If you do, then I wouldn't think much of her not responding as long as you are communicating by other means. If you don't, then maybe you're not on the same page as her regarding your dating status and she just isn't interested enough to reply.

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I'd try to figure out if she is on the same page as you are. If she is totally in to you she'd see anything you write to her to write an email back I think. At least that's how being in love works with me- I will have endless (not always meaningful) conversations about any topic with my bf, simply because we enjoy our communication.


I sense some asymmetry in the relationship from your message- as if you may be more into her than she is into you. However, this may really depend on her as well. The sister of my bf is also very reserved- and doesn't easily show her feelings. Doesn't mean she doesn't have those feelings of course.


Is it possible to call her? What did 'dating' mean in that week, was it the transgression from friends to more than friends? Have you kissed?



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I feel like I'm much more into her than she is to me, but that's fine just as long as she's somewhat into me. During the week we spent together we hung out the whole time, held hands, kissed, went very far physically, and just did all the things did couples do. It's great to spend time with her, but I don't feel she's too good with distance, or at least she's not good with showing me how she feels if we're not in the same vicinity.


I've had the talk with her about where we stand and what this is. And she says she's on the same page as me, but for some reason or another, I need more validation.


I don't know, the whole situation is so confusing...

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If she says she is on the same page as you and hasn't given you any other reason to doubt her (other than the lack of email responses), they try to realize that this just may be YOUR problem, and not necessarily a problem between you. There are a ton of reason why she might not respond. Maybe she is too busy at work, maybe she doesn't believe in flooding your box with "thank you"s, maybe she simply doesn't think they warrant a response - that you were just trying to show her something real quick or drop a little note.


For all you know, every time she reads that you miss her, she could be getting the hugest smile on her face and feeling her heart beat faster. Just because she doesn't respond and tell you that doesn't mean she doesn't feel it.


If this really bothers you that much, why not ask her about it on the phone, just to clear things up? Just be sure to not nag or be accusatory. If she says she does love you and definitely wants to be with you, but that she just isn't the type to respond... then you have to decide how much it really bothers you. Do you need to be with someone that shows as much email-affection as you or not?

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I think needing so much validation is something you should be concerned about. Mabey this can be a learning/growing experience for you. A part of being in a relationship is giving with out expecting anything in return. If you enjoy sending her email, than continue to do it. If you are worried it might be too much for her, ask her or just lessen them. But theres nothing you can do about how she chooses to respond or not respond. If your going to be in a ldr, this is something you are going to have to learn to accept and be comfortable with. Mabey in time she'll respond more. Mabey not. But I agree with the others. Just because she doesn't respond, doesn't at all mean she isn't enjoying them.

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LDR"s are hard enough. IF the person you are dating in an LDR does not like the use of technology it would be very difficult. I could not be in an LDR with someone who didn't respond to emails...heck I am not in an LDR and still expect responses ....


Have you ever asked her "hey did you get that email i sent you on such and such date?" to see what she says? Are you sure she is getting them?


It could be a matter of you are more into her then she is you.

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