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Relationships with depressed people


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Hello all,

I've been reading through the posts and it seems many of the breakups are attributed to their partner's depression. If you asked me, breaking up with someone that has depression is extra hurtful just because of the sheer rejection you get (which is often unpredictable/frequent). It's especially hurtful when you get replaced immediately with someone. I don't really know the feeling of depression but I was told that it's like something holding you down all day and you just want to breakfree. In any case, I am just wondering for those of you who has depression, maybe you can give us some feedback on how a partner can be supportive of your situation. It seems for those of us who are loving, caring and responsible partners seem to be rejected for the very reason that we are supposed to be loved for. Just thought I would inquire.

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I think sometimes part of the problem is that the depressed person doesn`t do anything to fix it. If they are working on the problem - counselling, anti-depressants, fixing whatever is making them depressed, then I would be supportive.


However, if someone is depressed and doesn`t acknowledge it, doesn`t make an effort to fix it, doesn`t do anything except be depressed, complain and drag you down, then it is not a workable relationship. One can have depressed spells without trouble, but if a person is constantly depressed, it is a big drain on the "non-depressed" person. Eventually that person feels like their energy is being sucked away with no end in sight.


If you are in a relationship with someone who is exhibiting signs of depression, I would do whatever I could to try get them to see it, and get help for it.


I am speaking as someone who was once clinically depressed (and needed counselling and anti-depressants) who is with someone who is on anti-depressants himself. I do understand that if you are depressed, you lose hope, motivation and feel like excretement, but nothing will change if you don`t try fix it.

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I've been in this situation before (as the depressive party) and I can definitely understand how hard it can be for the other person to deal with. When your partner is constantly depressed, and as Aurian noted, not making an effort to remedy it, then that is when it is nothing but a drag. Sure, it is hurtful to leave, but on the other hand, how can you stay when you feel unhappy yourself, and completely helpless?


I can definitely give a list of things NOT to do whe your partner is depressed:


-DON'T tell them "it's all in your mind" or "just snap out of it"

-DON'T make them feel guilty

-DON'T just figure it is best to avoid or ignore them for awhile

-DON'T tell them they are weak if they rely on drugs

-DON'T get accusatory in any way

-DON'T try to 'just reason with them' about it. They probably aren't thinking straight.


However, do be gentle and loving, and do try to get them the help they need. It takes a lot of patience... and I certain can see how it can destroy relationships. It took its toll on mine for sure.

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