Ex contacts me ten years after break

[Zeter]

Well, my fellow heartbroken lovers, here's one for the books. This is totally unrelated to why I came to this forum last month. A few days ago, my love of all time contacted me ten years six months after we broke up, and she says she feels the same way about me, by far. Isn't that great? I wonder if we're both lying.

 

So anyway, there's always a chance your ex will come back into your life. Even a pre-ex ex.

 

Zeter

[emalkoc]

wow! that's a real LOVE...All I can say..

 

But that LOVE was with the EX you used to know

 

I am NOT sure you will have the same feelings once you meet again

 

I had similar experience a month ago. I felt nothing about a girl who I used to have strong feelings at that time. I saw her after 7 years

 

be cautious

[russ978]

A few days ago, my love of all time contacted me ten years six months after we broke up, and she says she feels the same way about me, by far. Isn't that great? I wonder if we're both lying.

 

I'll play the cynic here.

 

I highly doubt that you or he are the same person you were 10 years 6 months ago. People can change in massive proportions in two years and it is almost assured in 10 years.

 

Your ex hasn't been in contact with you for 10 years, while many of the things that made you who you were then are still present, you are a completely different person now. He isn't aware of your job changes, new friends, new hobbies/passions, basically everything that makes you who you are TODAY.

 

He feels the same way for what he remembers 10 years ago but it doesn't change the fact that he is in love with who you were, not who you are.

 

Draw from that what you will.

[DN]

Did she say anything about meeting to talk?

[thouse]

Well, my fellow heartbroken lovers, here's one for the books. This is totally unrelated to why I came to this forum last month. A few days ago, my love of all time contacted me ten years six months after we broke up, and she says she feels the same way about me, by far. Isn't that great? I wonder if we're both lying.

 

So anyway, there's always a chance your ex will come back into your life. Even a pre-ex ex.

 

Zeter

If I have to wait 10 years and 6 months dig me a hole now

[CatsMeeoow]

If I have to wait 10 years and 6 months dig me a hole now

 

I'm right behind you sister!!!!

[Zeter]

Did she say anything about meeting to talk?

No. Hell, she doesn't even want to speak to me on the phone. She's afraid it will lead to something too quickly. So it's email and chat. Believe it or not, I've backed off to LC with her because of the kind of things similar to what russ978 brought up. The ball is in her court to address what I put in some emails. (Is plural "email" or "emails"?) I'm intrigued, but cool.

 

And I wasn't exactly waiting. It was a painful but understanding break-up on both sides. No ugliness at all.

 

Zeter

[keenan]

Yeah, but the OP is 55, and I wonder if people change a little bit less between the ages of 45 and 55 than say...between 15 and 25, 20 and 30, or 30 and 40? I'm not saying that there's not a ton of personal growth that happens in those 10 years, but just that by 45, people might be a little more settled in terms of career and lifestyle and personal identity, and that this stronger sense of self might help the OP and his long-lost love.

 

Or maybe I'm being (a) a hopeless romantic, and (b) naive in thinking that someday all this personal growth stuff will plateau a little bit so that we can just LIVE life instead of dissecting every part of it, LOL.

 

Good luck, Zeter!

[AngryHeart]

If I have to wait 10 years and 6 months dig me a hole now

 

OOMMGG, I know!

 

But wow, Zeter - 10 years later..that's certainly something. Wether it means it's "real" love who knows yet, but that is still kinda cute. I think you should get to know her all over again, but be careful with your heart and donnot expect too much. It made me go all "awww"though.

 

It's funny to think that the people on here that pine for their ex, do all the things they can to try and "win" them back, but they don't. Then in like 10 years that same ex may realise just what they let do. I think that exprience with other partners, realising that no relationship is perfect, that you need to work on it, that maybe that partner was actually the closest to perfect you could get! I think that if you were a good person in the relationship, you gave the best you could, you had a deep bond......it's not unlikely that ONE DAY those ex's may come knocking back on our doors. I think my ex may do the same. I gave him all I could, I certainly wasn't perfect, but I certainly wasn't "bad" either. He know how much I love him, and how hard I tried. And he has not been in a relationship before me, so I thik his view on relationships may be a bit warped. Like they're a fairytale or something. I know his parents have had a great relationship, they've been together since they were 16 - they're now in their 60's! I wouldn't be surprised at all if he one day realises what he gave away. It's just a matter of when........it may not be until he has experienced other relationships. He may then just realise years down the line how much I truly care about him. I think that anyone who is in a similar situation as me may also find the same. It's just the wait. But of course by then there's a huge chance we will be with someone else and not interested

[love4life]

Yep, my first love reappeared 4 years after we broke up and about 3 years after our last contact because he wanted to see me because he "Didn't like how we left off". Except he was married and about to have a child. I declined, thinking, "If you're happily married, why are you still thinking about me?"

[AngryHeart]

Probably UNhappily married with someone far less great as you!

[Zeter]

Except he was married and about to have a child. I declined, thinking, "If you're happily married, why are you still thinking about me?"

Yep, she's married. Not happily, though. But there's no surprise there, either.

 

Zeter

[Zeter]

I highly doubt that you or he are the same person you were 10 years 6 months ago. People can change in massive proportions in two years and it is almost assured in 10 years.

 

Your ex hasn't been in contact with you for 10 years, while many of the things that made you who you were then are still present, you are a completely different person now. He isn't aware of your job changes, new friends, new hobbies/passions, basically everything that makes you who you are TODAY.

 

He feels the same way for what he remembers 10 years ago but it doesn't change the fact that he is in love with who you were, not who you are.

 

Draw from that what you will. drew from it fair warning. You pretty much hit the nail on the head. Did this happen to you after such a passage of time?

 

So, here's where it is: She remembers a more compliant me from ten years ago. Since then, she's made some awful choices and is now REALLY screwed up and in a real jam. Her world is about to come crashing down, and she sought me out because she wants my emotional support, but entirely on her terms!

 

The "goodbye and good luck" email is in the draft stage, and will be sent before long. Damn shame. Such is life.

 

Zeter

[dd]

so you're sending her a good bye good luck letter. is this closure for you?

 

Would it be ok if you share it with us.

[JiSer]

Talking about past loves, two of my family got back with past loves. Details as follows:

 

1) Auntie got back with a past love after both had been married and had kids. Were talking after many years here! Anyway they have both been married for over 21 years (my lifetime)

 

2) Cousin had be going out with a girl when they were 18/19/20 around that age. Anyway they broke up and after three years (they had both moved apart, had separate relationships) one got in contact with the other and they have been together now for 10 years.

 

So it can happen. two people in my own family, its weird....In both cases though alot of time had passed, alot of growing and life experiance. So I would imagine NC is allways the best until you can honestly say you wouldn't mind seeing them with someone else happy...