Do best friends behave this way?

[petalbud]

hello, ihavent posted for a while. Im in a bit of a dillema with a friend. I'll call her B. Me and B have been friends since school, we are at uni living together now. we became friends when i was at my lowest low, I had attempted suicide and i had to be taken into hospital. I would let her speak to me anyhow, i was like her litle puppy, following her around,. letting her shout at me in public on numerous occasions etc.

Now we've both grown up and she's apologised about her behaviour towards me back then, but from time to time,. that side of her rears its ugly head and it makes me doubt the point to this friendship.

 

I tend to avoid conflict at any cost, she on the other hand flares up and has a fiery temprament. Im a very giving person,, sometimes overly giving and i feel like im being taken for granted.

 

we share a room,. and her boyfriend spends the night here quite a bit. me and him get on very well, so i don thave a problem with him. Sometimes he would come over for a movie and end up sleeping over,. fair enough that happens, but she never tells me or asks me if its ok for him to sleep round. This has been bugging me for a while, so i sat her down today n told her i dont have a problem with her bf sleeping round,. i would just like to be told, as this is my room as well. All im aksing for is her to say " hey, my bf is sleeping over tonight" and id more than likely say okay. Because its her room as well as mine. This led to her flaring up at me saying she doesnt want to speak to me and she's gone to live with him for a week.

 

we've both come to uni 6 hours away from home to escape both our family problems. Ive never had a good relationship with my parents,. i got verbal abuse day in day out and they were never concerned with how i felt, they were overly controlling and always run my confidence down etc, hence the suicide attempt years ago. Ive always felt close to her,. never had that many friends who i could bare my all to,. but lately, i just feel like i cant open up to her. In the past, if there was something bugging either of us, we would make time to discuss things. we never spend time together now and i just feel like shes chnaged towards me. ive helped both of them out so much financially, which i am now suffering for. he ( her bf) tells me im one of his closest friends etc, but he never stands up for me when she is obviously in the wrong. im having a hard time here because i havent met that many ppl who i click with so we usually go out as a threesome.

i feel really alone here,. i thought my best friend would be there for me when i need her, but its got to the point where i just cant take it anymore. i feel like a backup plan to pass time when her bf isnt around. we argue so much and i usually end up crying , she's just cold n distant. thing is she is sooo nice to other ppl and can hide her feelings well. thing with me is when im upset, i cant hide it, so i just stay in bed, while she goes out and has fun with her bf and her new friend. I feel like her relationship with her bf takes presidence over our friendship. I know for fact and from exeperience that even when he's in the wrong, she'd rather blame me than him. I feel so stupied for being so naive and trusting of her. It almost feels like she'd prefer me to be passive and unquestioning for the sake of peace, but im sick of being walked all over. ive had an emotional rollercoaster in the last couple of years, i just want to sort myself out and become more stable. I feel like she underestimates me and im letting our arguments stop me from making new friends because im so upset and distant with others most of the time.

 

Im hurting from all of this right now, but im not gonna let anyone get the better of me. We have a lease for a year on this room, so I cant move out, and neither can she. I sugested getting her a new roommate and moving to another uni, which just made her loose her head again, but im not happy here, not happy living with her. Im a bubbly fun person, and i get on with most people when im myself,,. but when im down im the complete opposite. I just want somewhere where i can spread my wings and be myself and not be tramped on.

 

has anyone exepreinced anything similar or am i just being overreactive?

[flower99]

Well I think bestfriends is a term mostly used in grade school. And really diminishes quickly when dating begins, because priorities change

 

but honestly it sounds as though she has some anger issues and problems admitting when she's wrong. I think it's wonderful that you are standing your ground & no longer willing to be walked all over...I think to selveg your friendship (if you feel it is worth it) would be live in separate rooms. Now you standing your ground may cause the friendship to diminish, because you're altering the dinamics of this friendship. Sometimes when you begin to stand your ground you lose some friends, but IF that's the case than the truth is they couldn't have been really good friends because they aren't caring or listening to your feelings. But I pray that not be the case here.

 

I don't think you should change uni because of this...that's extrem. Don't alter your life that much, that's giving her far to much control over you. Don't even let your arguments get in the way of your life...stop giving away control like that. This is YOUR life. You are in control of it. when you get in argument, don't lie in bed & dwell on it. Get out there & put it out of your mind & go meet people. Be the person you are, bubbly & friendly. Don't let her or anyone change who you are. or stand in the way of who you want to be. You're a smart strong women. Don't let it be wasted by a stubborn selfish friend....but do be patient with her, because this is the first time standing your ground, she may not know how to handle it, but hopefully she'll be more mature & considerate about it & you two can work through this.

[Lana0120]

I think that she has been inconsiderate about your feelings and that it was fair enough that you raised the issue about her boyfriend. However, I do think that suggesting moving out or away is a bit premature. Just go out there and meet other people, make other friends and reduce this girl to a roommate and casual friend.

[parralax]

See how you go - room-mates can drive you crazy. Find some other friends and drop your expectations of this friend of yours, then she can't disappoint you. Do your own thing independent of her and you won't have to worry about what she is up to and with who as you will be too busy doing your own thing.